


Wherever She Goes, Destruction Follows

by pepsicola



Category: South Park
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-10-29 08:57:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 56,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17805005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pepsicola/pseuds/pepsicola
Summary: Love is slow.





	1. In The Beginning

It’s always the turd’s fault. That’s how everything started. Shelly sat on the couch, staring at her phone’s home screen. Normally, she would get lost in the black hole that is social media and YouTube, but sometimes nothing new or interesting to her would appear in her recommended, or there would be no new posts on her feed. On any other day, it would be fine, but this day was the worst day for the lack of excitement.

Stan had his friends over, and one of his friends, Kenny, brought his brother over with him since their parents’ fight was worse than usual, though it wasn’t the first time. More like the sixth. Kenny’s brother so happened to be Kevin McCormick, seventh grade retard. Shelly glanced at him. His dirty blonde hair was literally dirty, shiny with oils he hadn’t washed out. His freckled face was covered in dirt and scabs and he had a pink bandaid on his forehead that never seemed to come off. Like his face, his red button-down shirt and gray jeans were also covered in dirt and rips. His appearance really screamed, _Hey, I’m poor and my parents are drunk bastards! Please help!_ Though there were rumors going around in school that Kevin was a drunk bastard himself. And Shelly couldn’t say anything about him being ugly, since she was as ugly as one could get. But Kevin wasn’t ugly. None of the McCormick kids were. Their faces were just caked in dirt, but underneath were the faces of angels. Like Cinderella.

Somehow, the glance had turned into a stare, and Kevin looked away from the TV screen where the turds were playing and met her eye. She immediately averted her own eyes, but Kevin’s violet irises burned into her brain. The McCormicks may be poor and a sore to look at, but they had the nicest eyes in town. Shelly glared at her phone, tipping her head down so her tangled brown locks curtained her blushing face. It’s not like she wanted him to get the wrong idea. Desperate for something to do, she marched into her room and tapped on Instagram for the twelfth time. She scrolled through her explore page until the heat in her cheeks died down.

 

The next time Kenny brought Kevin along with him, Shelly was stretched out on the couch with her headphones on. The fourth grade turds turned on the PS4 and got out the controllers. Since she was taking up all of the couch, the boys sat themselves on the floor in front of the TV. Kevin carefully lowered himself to the ground, slowly leaning his back against the couch. Shelly saw him do it out of the corner or her eye, but she paid attention to her phone.

Much to her displeasure, the video ended a minute later. She searched for another, subconsciously biting her lip. In doing so, the skin got caught in her stupid braces. “Ow!” she exclaimed, bolting upright. Her phone clattered to the floor, yanking her headphones off her right ear. She hardly cared as she touched her lip. Pulling back, she saw blood on her finger. She scowled. The headgear was the source of all her problems. She wiped the blood off on her pants.

A hand held up her phone to her. Her eyes trailed down the arm and up the neck. She stared at Kevin’s face. He blinked at her and she saw the same fear in his eyes that she saw in everyone’s eyes when they looked at her. Disappointment tried to shove through her anger, but she forced it away. She took her phone from his hand. “Thanks,” she grumbled, her headgear slurring her words together, making her sound like a talking snake.

He nodded, eyes immediately flying back to the TV like if he stared at her too long he’d turn to stone. Medusa could turn people to stone if they looked at her. She turned people to stone because she was so hideous to look at. Shelly had a lot in common with the Gorgon. She wasn’t proud of it.

She glanced down at Kevin. She tapped his shoulder. She saw how he tried not to flinch when he looked up at her face. He must really believe looking at her would turn him to stone. “Open your mouth,” she ordered.

Confusion flashed across his face but he obeyed. Lining his teeth were braces—without headgear. His breath smelled, but she ignored it to keep observing. His braces were shockingly clean, the bands black and red. She wondered if he went to the orthodontist once a month. The sight in front of her bothered her. Kevin McCormick, who belonged to the poorest family in town, had braces without the headgear. Her stupid dad insisted they get her headgear. _“Because it’s cheaper. Two thousand dollars cheaper,”_ he’d claimed. And yet, Kevin McCormick had the more expensive version. She didn't fall for her dad's bullshit.

She narrowed her eyes. In a cold tone, she asked, “How are you poorer than me and have better braces?”

Kevin blinked. A thousand thoughts swirled through his mind, all possibilities of what she might do to him. Sweat broke out on his forehead. “Uh, um… I—I dunno,” he stuttered. He had a country accent that he hated because it made him sound so much more stupid. His heart was pounding in his chest. Kenny reported to him the stuff Shelly did to Stan. Being taller than her wouldn’t stop her from kicking his ass. He had a feeling. All the kids younger and older were scared of her for a reason. He’d heard rumors. Rumors that she picked up a piano and dropped it over her little brother’s head. But that doesn’t seem realistic, right?

Shelly harrumphed and released her gaze. Kevin quietly let out a breath of relief as the hundred pounds her eyes placed on his shoulders was lifted. She picked up her phone and returned her attention to it. He turned back to the TV. He’d survived his first encounter with Shelly Marsh. Hopefully he’d survive more if he really had to.


	2. Lone Wolf

A week after remarking about his braces, Shelly couldn’t help but notice Kevin sitting alone all the time at school. He was by himself before class waiting for it to start, in classes they shared, at lunch, on the bus home. She also heard more of the rumors about him.

_“He’s retarded.” “Not only is he retarded, but he’s poor and he smells like shit too.” “God, what a loser.” “Don’t forget he’s white trash!”_

Shelly knew what it felt like to be whispered about. People used to call her ugly behind her back. They’d gag when she wasn’t looking and pinch their noses. The whispers ceased when a girl named Lydia befriended her. People realized Shelly was approachable, a human and not a monster like they thought. They were even more stunned when Lydia’s friends got closer to Shelly. Before everyone knew it, Shelly and Lydia were best friends.

Shelly knew she was lucky to have someone like Lydia to be her friend. Lydia was what she aspired to be: pretty and smart. Lydia used to assure Shelly that she was smart and she _was_ pretty but that Shelly didn’t think so only because of her headgear. Shelly was grateful for her praise, but she didn’t believe it.

But Lydia moved to New York before seventh grade started. Before she did, though, she left Shelly two things. One—a piece of advice: “If you ever see someone sitting alone, talk to them. Make them feel like they have someone who’s there for them. Be their friend. I did it with you, and now we’re best friends. If I never did, I never would’ve gotten myself a best friend. We _will_ still be best friends when I move away, got it? And I’m not telling you to do this because you owe me or something, but because you’ll see becoming someone’s friend when they have no one else brings the greatest feeling. Promise me, Shelly.” And two—her band of girls Shelly had become friends with. “You’re my successor. Take care of them. They’re hopeless without a leader,” Lydia had joked. But she was serious about Shelly being her heir.

Lydia was a church girl with blonde hair and brown eyes. Everyone loved her because she was beautiful and kind. Shelly knew that first hand.

She was intent on keeping her promise. And the golden opportunity was right in front of her.

So the next day at lunch, Shelly didn’t head straight for her usual table. People noticed and watched her turn left instead of right. She caught glimpses of the wild fear in their eyes. The backpack on her shoulders felt unnaturally heavy. She approached Kevin’s table where he sat alone. She could hear her footsteps echoing through the cafeteria as everyone stopped their conversations to watch. Similar to the days prior, Kevin had nothing to eat. Why did he sit in the cafeteria if he had no food? Did he not know he could sit in the quad? He didn’t notice her until she said, “Where’s your lunch, turd?”

That’s when he looked up at her with surprised eyes. Surprised violet eyes. “Shelly,” he said. He sounded like a cowboy. He looked down at his hands. “The, uh, the money goes to Kenny and Karen so they can have lunch. There ain’t enough money for me.” He flashed her a smile she guessed was supposed to be reassuring. It just looked sad.

She slung her backpack off her shoulders and dropped it on the bench he was sitting on. The thud was loud in the evidently quiet cafeteria. She unzipped the middle compartment and pulled out a brown paper bag. She placed on the table and pushed it closer to him. He watched her hand with careful eyes, following her movements the way a hunter would track his prey. “There’s a sandwich in there, along with an apple and a water bottle. Now eat,” she demanded. Icy coldness was her cover to hide the flush in her cheeks. And the crippling weight of eyes on her.

Kevin stammered, but he smiled gratefully. Really, he probably didn’t have to say more, but he thought it would be polite to say something to express his gratitude. “Th-thank you,” he said.

Shelly swallowed her go-to _“Shut up, turd”_ and nodded instead. She picked up her backpack and shoved her hands in the pockets of her jacket. She kept her head down as she walked away. As soon as she started moving, the whispers rose up. She could see kids hiding their mouths behind their hands. They watched her out of the corners of their eyes. She blocked out their whispers and sat down at her usual table. Gossip wasn’t going to keep her from breaking her promise to Lydia.


	3. Ground Zero

Shelly never realized how much the whispers about Kevin bothered her. They bothered her more than the whispers about herself. Kevin was an outcast. This she already knew, but she never knew how displeased it made her. It was a Wednesday, the day after she gave Kevin his lunch. She had another in her backpack for him, but when she walked into the cafeteria, she didn’t see him at his table.

 _Maybe he’s late_ , she thought to herself. So she sat at her table and started on her lunch, but kept an eye on Kevin’s empty table. Even without him sitting at it no one occupied the space. Like it was contaminated or something. The thought made anger boil in her chest. She tossed the remainder of her lunch into the trash and put on her backpack. Her friends asked where she was going.

“The quad. Meet me at our spot,” she said. She walked out of the cafeteria.

It was a cloudy day. January was always the cloudiest month. There was a light breeze that made her teeth chatter. Few kids were out. Most of them were still eating in the cafeteria. She speed-walked through the amphitheater, around the gym, to the bleachers near the field. On those bleachers sat Kevin. He sat at the very bottom, kicking a rock between his feet. She plunked down next to him. His head snapped up to her, then to the seventh and eighth graders on the field.

“What’re you doing?” he asked.

“What are _you_ doing, turd? Why weren’t you in the cafeteria?” she snapped back.

He gave her a feeble shrug. “Didn’t feel like it,” he whispered. He still didn’t look at her.

She stared at the field. A few kids were beginning to notice her sitting there with him. She hardly cared. She went through her backpack and took out a paper bag identical to yesterday. She shoved it to Kevin’s chest. His hand flew up to catch it as she withdrew her hand.

“I don’t wanna be no charity case,” he said. Now he was looking at her.

She looked right back. “Who said you were? Who said I’m not doing this because I don’t like seeing you alone in the cafeteria? Who said I’m not doing this because I don’t like seeing you starve?”

His mouth gaped open. He was at a loss for words. Shelly Marsh didn’t want him to be alone? She was making him lunch because she didn’t want him to be hungry? Was this even Shelly Marsh? He stared at her.

Like everyone else in their grade, she had acne on her forehead and chin. Her mouth was pulled in a tight scowl around her braces. Her brown hair was tangled, unbrushed and uncared for. But Shelly Marsh had the prettiest blue eyes. They weren’t liquid blue like her brother’s, but light blue. The edges were ringed by a blue that resembled her brother’s eyes, but the center was pale. Like a piece of the sky was really in her eyes.

Shelly shook his knee. He blinked and shook his head, forcing himself to remember where he was. He looked at her and focused on the bridge of her nose instead of her eyes. They were too easy to get lost in. She shook his knee again. “Did you hear me?” she asked.

“Um…”

She sighed, removing her hand. His knee felt strangely cold without it. “I said I don’t want you to be alone anymore.”

Now he had to look in her eyes. “Huh?”

She glanced to the side. “You can sit with me and my friends. They’re nice and they like meeting new people. Just stop sitting alone.” Her eyes landed on his. “Got it?”

All he could do was swallow and nod.

Shelly stood. “Now come on. Stop being a lone turd and I’ll introduce you to my friends.”

 

The next week Shelly and Kevin sat together on the concrete stage in front of the amphitheater. Kevin ate his lunch and Shelly stared ahead. It was getting colder. She buried her nose in her scarf. Kevin didn’t have a scarf. Or a jacket. How was he not freezing? She didn’t have any coats to lend him that wouldn’t look like they didn’t belong to a girl. Maybe she could take one of her dad’s coats he never used. Or maybe she could take the one he always used to piss him off. But maybe Kevin would think she thought he was her charity case again. He’d already expressed that he didn’t like the feeling.

Kevin rolled the stem of his apple between his fingers. “Talk to me,” he said.

She looked at him, watching him snap off the stem and throw it on the ground. “What do you want me to talk to you about?” she asked.

“Anything.” He raised the apple to his lips, pointedly turning his head away from her. He had one of those undercuts—popular with lesbians and fuckboys. Except his was unstyled, and she’d seen him with the hairdo for as long as she could remember. And as far as she knew, he was neither lesbian nor fuckboy. She wondered if he cut his own hair. She was about to ask when he said, “Do you do any after-school stuff?”

“Yeah. I’ve done karate since sixth grade, but after this year, I’m quitting.”

“Why? Karate sounds cool.”

“I’m getting bored,” she answered.

“Well why’d you sign up in the first place?”

“I have a lot of pent up anger. Also, I’m freakishly strong. Karate helps with the anger, and it’s a good way to funnel my strength. Oh, and self-defense. This town is full of creeps.” There was a beat of silence. “Anything else you wanna ask me?” she wondered.

He hesitated before saying, “You got any boyfriends?”

He immediately took a large bite of the apple. _I’m stupid for asking,_ he thought.

Shelly stared at him. “Well… yeah. But they all ended unsuccessfully,” she said. She played with her hands before continuing, “I’ve had three. I had my first boyfriend around July of last year. He was twenty-two and—”

Kevin whipped around to her, his movements startling her. His eyes were wide. “You had a twenty-two-year-old boyfriend? Shelly,” he said, “that ain’t a good idea—”

Shelly rolled her eyes. “I know, turd. He was a jerk. I learned my lesson.”

“Why’d you date a twenty-two-year-old?” he asked, voice cracking.

Shelly shrugged. “I was desperate, okay? I know it was stupid, but I felt alone and like nobody liked me, so I went for someone who hadn’t heard the rumors about me.” She flushed red in humiliation. “But I learned from my mistake.”

“Did you?” he asked.

“Excuse me?”

“My mom was thirteen when she had me. My dad was twenty-nine. Did you know that?”

Shelly was floored. She gaped, staring at him as she processed what he told her. “She… she was our age?” Her voice rose an octave higher asking the question.

Kevin nodded. There was anger in his voice as he spoke. “Wanna know _why_ she got pregnant with me at _thirteen?”_ He didn’t wait for her response. “She was desperate. Nobody liked her, and she had a kick for drugs and alcohol, so she got with someone older who could provide her with that shit. One night her and my dad got so drunk that she accidentally got pregnant with me. She had to drop out of middle school, and she didn’t even make it to high school. All ‘cause she was desperate.” He searched her eyes. All she could do was sit and stare. “I don’t want that to happen to no one else. So promise me you won’t date anyone more than two years older than you,” he said quietly.

“I—I promise,” she stuttered.

It was the most she’d ever heard him say. But it wasn’t that that shocked her. It was what he told her, and how he said it with resentment, not embarrassment. Maybe he felt both, but he sounded more angry than anything.

Kevin took the last swig of his water, crushing it between his hands. Shelly had seen her dad do that with beer cans before. “Go on,” he said.

“Wh-what?”

“With your story. You was telling me bout your boyfriends,” he reminded her.

Shelly tried to shake herself from her stupor, but his story was stuck in her mind. “The—the next time I had a boyfriend… it—it was online, but he was my age…” she trailed off. She couldn’t resist adding the detail.

Kevin knocked his knee against hers. She looked up at him. His expression was soft. His voice was quiet when he said, “Y’know it still coulda been a creep—”

Anger sparked in her chest. “Dammit, Kevin, I _know_ I was stupid. Let me finish!” she exclaimed. He looked like a kicked puppy. It was probably a bit much after he opened up to her. “We met in person, actually, but decided it was better to keep talking online since it was so awkward in person. Eventually we stopped talking after a month. Then…” Shelly swallowed thickly, the memory flooding back to her. Tears flecked her eyes. Kevin looked at her expectantly. “Then, I dated this guy named Larry in October. Things were going great. It was probably the best relationship I’ve ever been in so far, but he died.”

She said it so bluntly it took Kevin a while to process it. “He died? He _died?_ ” he blurted.

Shelly sighed. “It’s gonna sound stupid, but Spider-Man killed him.” She looked at Kevin and narrowed her eyes. “I’m not lying.”

Kevin put his hands up in front of him in surrender. “I ain’t said you was lying.”

“Good,” she said. She wiped her eyes with the heel of her palm. “Because I’m not.” She closed her eyes. “That’s why I swore off dating for the rest of my middle school years.”


	4. Happy Birthday

Kevin couldn’t believe it when January turned into February. What he could believe was that he had D’s and C’s in all of his classes. He wasn’t quite failing yet, but he continued to play dumb so his teachers wouldn’t expect anything from him. Or maybe he was failing because his family life wasn’t the greatest. His teachers said that was what’s distracting him. Yet they didn’t cut him any slack. They were well aware that he had siblings to take care of because his parents were incapable of doing it. They knew his parents were alcoholics. The whole town knew. But they didn’t treat him any different.

Shelly offered to tutor him. He declined at first. What about Kenny and Karen? Who would take care of them and keep them away from their parents when they were in their drunken state? She didn’t listen. She demanded he come over to her house at three thirty _or else._ Too afraid to put his foot down, Kevin asked Kenny to drop Karen off at her friend Tricia’s house. Then he left with his backpack and walked to Shelly’s. She was one of the smartest kids in class. She’d had straight A’s since sixth grade. Why she wanted to help him was beyond his understanding.

Tutoring started off slow. He didn’t get math, and history went in one ear and out the other. English wasn’t so hard. Most of it was Shelly teaching him grammar rules and correcting his speech. Unfortunately, science was as difficult as math.

“Science is my favorite subject,” Shelly said one day. “I can’t wait until high school when we do chemistry. That’s gonna be awesome.”

Kenny’s tenth birthday came and went in March. Soon it was April, and Kevin wasn’t expecting anything for his birthday. He never did. His family was too poor to buy anything for him. Usually his siblings made him something. That was all he got.

It was a cold day before spring break. Breaths fogged up as clouds in the air. Everyone was excited except for him. Breaks were the worst because he couldn’t get away from his parents’ arguing. Being cooped up with them too long made him chug down a beer or two and attack his dad. His emotions were always conflicting when he was drunk. He felt angry at himself because he was turning into his dad by drinking and then taking a few swings, but under the influence was the only time he felt confident enough to stand up to his dad.

Kevin sat at the amphitheater, waiting for the first bell to ring. He watched kids congregate in groups and hold idle conversation. Someone sat down next to him. It was Shelly.

“Do you have a phone?” she asked.

He searched her face, thinking she was joking. When he realized she wasn’t, he said, “Nope. I told Mom to get one for Kenny and Karen. I don’t need one.”

Shelly harrumphed. “You’re extremely selfless, aren’t you? But I figured as much. So I brought this.” She took off her backpack and rifled through it. Her hair fell in front of her face, and Kevin had a strange urge to sweep it behind her ear. She held out a phone and charger to him. “It’s my old iPhone 6. It’s still functionable and stuff, but my dad got me the iPhone X for my birthday so I don’t use this one anymore. You can have it. Take it,” she said.

 _Right,_ he remembered. _Shelly turned thirteen in November. She’s one of the first kids to turn thirteen because of the cut off._

It sounded like an order to him, so he scrambled to take the phone from her. His fingers flitted against hers momentarily, but he hardly registered it. He turned the phone over in his hands, staring at the black screen and red case. His hands were shaking. He met her eyes, silently asking for some clarification.

“I figured you didn’t have a phone. I’ve never seen you use one, so I decided to give that one to you. Like I said, I don’t use it, but I like pissing my dad off. I never wiped it, so there’s still a bunch of old apps and phone numbers and pictures on it. You can delete whatever you want. I don’t care. I removed the passcode. I can help you at lunch if you need help putting one on. I can also show you some of the features, since I guess you’ve never used a phone before. I put in my new number so you can text me if you ever need anything. But the bottom line is that it’s yours,” she explained. “It’s all charged up so you can use it now if you want.”

“Sh-Shelly, I—I can’t take this—” he stammered. She cut him off.

“Well too bad, because you are. I’m not taking it back. And don’t try to sneak it back into my backpack or I’ll kick your ass,” she warned. Her voice softened. “Think of it as an early birthday gift.”

He hardly took the threat seriously. “Why’re you giving this to me?” he asked. He didn’t mean to sound ungrateful, but he was shocked and confused and wanted to cry.

Shelly shrugged. “Because my dad will get me anything I ask for. He’s scared of me. I’m always angry because of my headgear my stupid dad made me get since it was cheaper than normal braces, according to him. I think he knows that, so he keeps me happy by buying me materialistic things. He thinks it’ll make me forgive him. That doesn’t matter though. The phone’s still on the data plan since my dad forgot to take it off, but he’ll probably remember sooner or later. So take advantage of it,” she said. “I know it’s not the _newest_ version, but it’s the only one I have. Something’s better than nothing, I guess.”

“It’s prefect, Shelly,” Kevin breathed. Then he just stared at her. She shifted under his gaze. Suddenly, arms were thrown around her and he sobbed into her shoulder. “Thank you so much,” he whimpered. His lips brushed her neck as he spoke and it made her blush. But she hesitantly wrapped her arms around him and patted his back.

The bell rang, and they had to go separate ways to their classes. Kevin looked at the phone in his half frozen hands. He pressed the little circle at the bottom of the device. The screen lit up, displaying the old wallpaper and time and date. The wallpaper was of Lorde. He smirked. One of the first things he learned about Shelly was her love of Lorde. The screen kept telling him to swipe, so he did. He was transported to the home screen, eyes flying over each of the apps. He found a green app with a white speech bubble that read “Messages” and he tapped on it. As soon as he did, a new name popped up at the top. _Shelly_ , it said. He tapped it and a message she sent him came up: _“Don’t even think about trying to give this phone back to me.”_

He snorted. Only Shelly would say something like that. Only she had the ability to do something nice and make it sound mean.


	5. Back to Health

Soon, seventh grade came to a close. When Kevin got his final report card in the mail, he saw that he did a lot better in his classes, and he gave Shelly all the credit. She was the one who decided to tutor him after all. Summer sped by. It was calm for once, with Kenny and Karen safe at their friends’ houses. Kevin mostly spent his days with Shelly, locked in her room. She would review a few things with him from school, then they’d play games. Card or board or video. Most of the time, they’d talk. Shelly found herself warming up to him, whether she could stop it or not. When Kenny would come over to the Marsh household from being somewhere else, he’d be shocked to find his older brother there. Kevin explained that him and Shelly were friends.

“Oh, _sure._  Friends.” Kenny winked.

Kevin playfully rolled his eyes and gently pushed his brother.

Stan whispered, “So, you’re actually”—he looked around the room, making sure Shelly was nowhere near—“ _friends_ with my sister? She can actually be nice to people?”

Kevin nodded. He didn’t know if Stan would want his pity if he said he was sorry for the way his sister treated him. Kevin never liked pity, and he didn’t see why anyone would. So he kept quiet.

Summer ended too quickly.

Nothing particular happened in their eighth grade year. It was school and homework and Kevin spent his time with Shelly. She had a lot more of it since she quit karate, but not before he made her show her the moves she learned. _He_ learned that he didn’t stand a chance in a fight against her.

When he wasn’t with her, he’d text her. The first time he’d shown the phone to his siblings, they’d gasped. Kenny couldn’t believe the Shelly who gave his brother the phone was the same Shelly who smacked Stan when she was angry. Kevin had decided not to delete anything from the phone in case Shelly changed her mind and wanted it back. He’d never had a friend before and he almost expected to lose the only one he had.

At home, his parents would fight. Occasionally, he’d get involved due to the beer he’d been sneaking from his parents.

After a particularly bad fight, he didn’t show up at school the next day. It was April, only a week after he turned fourteen. It was warm and sunny and Shelly didn’t need a jacket. She held her chin in her hands as she sat at the amphitheater. Her friends sat beside her, but she wasn’t tuning in to the conversation. It was lunchtime and Kevin still hadn’t shown up. They had all six classes together since the teachers realized she was the one who helped him pass seventh grade. In every single class except PE they sat next to each other. Yet he wasn’t in any of the four classes they had before lunch.

“Maybe he’s sick,” Monica assured. She put a hand on Shelly’s knee.

Shelly didn’t look up, but she nodded. She knocked the heels of her pink Vans against the concrete of the amphitheater. She’d gotten them for her birthday and the toes were already dirty. Maybe Kevin _was_ sick, but he’d seemed fine the day before. She curled her fingers into her hair. She was overthinking. She tried not to think about June of last year. But even still, she pulled out her phone and sent him a text asking where he was and if he was okay. He didn’t reply instantaneously like he normally did.

She had PE after lunch, and she couldn’t focus on football. The only thing she could think of was how Kevin was good at football, and that he loved doing it during PE, and that PE was his best subject. _It’s still his best subject. He has an A plus in this class. I have an A that’s teetering to an A minus._ She swept her hair up into a ratty ponytail. She held out her arms for Britney to pass to her. All she could think about was where Kevin McCormick could be.

After school, she decided she would find him. She stopped by the McCormick house first. She’d been there before when Kevin had to get something before he went to Denver with her family. She knocked on the rickety door. Mrs. McCormick answered. “Yes?”

“Is Kevin home?” Shelly asked.

Mrs. McCormick shook her head. “No. He left this morning for school.”

Except he never showed up. Shelly left that part out. “Okay. Thank you.” She left, thinking of places Kevin could be if he wasn’t in his house. There were few places they hung out. It was usually her house or at school. Or the playground. It clicked into place. She quickened her pace as she headed towards the playground.

The walk didn’t take long. When she got there, she immediately zoned in on Kevin who was sat on a bench. He was bent forward. A wisp of smoke curled from his fingers. As she got closer, a sharp, bitter stench hit her nose, and she realized it was a cigarette. Her eyes narrowed as she stopped in front of him. He looked up at her and gave her a wonky smile. “Hey, Shelly,” he croaked. Smoke unfurled from his mouth. She noticed the yellow bruise on the right side of his jaw, but she snatched the cigarette from his hand and crushed it under her shoe. “The fuck?” he growled.

“Smoking’s bad for you,” she snapped.

“Well I got a lot to deal with, all right?” he snapped back. He’d never snapped back at her. He’d never raised his voice at her. But right then he did. Her eyes widened to saucers. She never knew he had that in him. He deflated, casting his eyes back to the ground. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

Instead of replying, Shelly took his face in her hand and forced his head to the right. She inspected the bruise, her fingers fluttering over it. He winced at the slight touch. Her eyebrows furrowed. She knew about the fights he got in with his dad, but she’d never seen a bruise on his face. It was usually on his chest. The bruise on his jaw looked a lot like fingers. She moved his head to the other side. A faint bruise bloomed up. To her, it was in the shape of a thumb. Kevin watched her observe him. His stomach swirled at the way her eyebrows furrowed and her lips sneered.

“You fought your dad again.” Statement, not a question. He fought his dad and he grabbed his jaw a little too forcefully. That was her theory, and she knew it was accurate.

Sighing, Kevin nodded. “Yeah.”

Shelly sat down, grabbing his wrist. He hissed through his teeth, yanking his arm away from her. She glared at him and took his wrist again, gently this time. She pushed back the sleeve of his red flannel shirt she got him for his birthday. There was a bruise encircling his wrist too, along with a multicolored beaded bracelet that said “Kevin.” Karen must’ve made it for him for his birthday. Shelly’s fingers ghosted over the bracelet, then over his wrist. The light touches sent shivers down his spine. She was inspecting him so intently that she didn’t notice. Her fingers trailed up his arm, pushing back more of his sleeve. When she got to his bicep, she stopped. His whole upper arm was purple. She gulped. She’d seen a share of bruises on him, but not one this big. Or bad. She forced the sleeve up more, but it kept rolling down. She reached for the collar of his shirt he wore under the flannel, but his hand enveloped hers. She looked at him and saw his red face. She interpreted the blush in how he was embarrassed of the harm his dad caused him.

“Let me see,” she insisted.

“No,” said Kevin. His violet eyes were boring into hers. _So you wanna play that game,_ she thought. They had a staring contest for a minute before his hand slipped from hers. She pulled down his collar. Kevin turned his head, not wanting to see her reaction. It made him feel ashamed. She lifted the hem of his shirt up to his chin, exposing his whole torso to the spring air. He felt her fingers on his chest, resting on what he knew was a bruise. It ached.

“You need a hospital. Ice, at least,” she muttered. “This is the worst I’ve seen.”

“Let’s go for ice,” he whispered.

She stood, slinging his arm over his shoulder. She tried to do it carefully, but he still hissed. “Lean your weight on me,” she instructed. He did. She half carried, half dragged him back to her house. It took longer going back than it took going to. Kevin would alternate between sucking in his breath or whimpering in pain.

At her doorstep, she fumbled with her keys. She finally got the door unlocked, kicking it open. She brought him over to the couch, sitting him down slowly. He groaned. His head fell back, and his face was pale and covered in sweat. He looked like he was on the verge of passing out. How he got from his house to the park, she couldn’t comprehend. She shifted his limbs around, trying to make him feel comfortable.

She rushed into the kitchen, putting a glass of ice under the tap. When it was three centimeters from spilling over, she turned it off and hurried back to the living room. She sat down next to Kevin, using her free hand to lift his head. She put the glass to his lips. “Drink,” she said. She tilted the glass and he sipped.

Unbeknownst to her, Stan and his friends emerged from his room. They’d heard the door bang open. Thinking it was a robber, they grabbed the closest things to them and held it in front of them like weapons. They shuffled into the hall. It was quiet downstairs. They strained their ears to listen. Stan edged closer to the stairs.

“Dude!” Kyle hissed.

Stan put a finger to his lips. He went down two steps, peering through the wooden bars lining the stairs. On the couch, he saw Shelly nursing Kevin back to what looked like health. Stan rushed back up to the hall where his friends waited. He motioned for them to go back in his room. With the door closed, Cartman asked, “Was it a robber? Because we totally could’ve taken him.”

Stan sat on his bed, and tried to process what he saw. He witnessed his sister _helping_ someone instead of hurting them. “It was Shelly.” He looked at Kenny. “And Kevin. She was holding a cup of water to his mouth. He didn’t look good,” he said.

Kenny’s eyes widened. “Oh,” he said. His friends didn’t know, but last night Kevin got into another fight with their dad. It was probably the worst one yet. Kevin couldn’t even stand straight as he swayed on his feet and took swings at their dad. He didn’t see all of the fight since he whisked Karen away into his room so she wouldn’t have to see it. He had been too preoccupied with reassuring his quietly crying sister to worry about how his older brother would turn out at the end of it all. Now he felt bad. The type of bad that gives you that sinking feeling.

Back downstairs, Shelly had run back into the kitchen and grabbed all of the ice packs in the freezer. She pressed them to his skin light enough that it didn’t hurt, but hard enough that he felt the coolness spread through his hot bruises. He sighed.

“Thanks,” he breathed.

Shelly shook her head, on the brink of tears. She always felt like crying when she saw him like this. But she wouldn’t cry in front of him. She cried in front of no one. And he didn’t need that right then. “You can stay over tonight. Kenny and Karen can too, if you want. Just don’t go back to that place. Not today,” she begged.

“I dunno—”

“Too bad. It’s decided. I’m asking my parents.” She picked up her phone and opened up the group chat with her family that was only used for important things. Kevin tried to take it from her, but he was slow and she was fast. She stood from the couch, staying right out of reach. Kevin wasn’t strong enough to go after her. He watched her thumbs fly over the keyboard. Then her fingers did other things to the screen. She put the phone to her ear.

“Hi, Mom? Can Kevin and his siblings stay over tonight? Because he’s hurt pretty bad. He’s too weak to walk back to his house. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Bye.” Shelly turned to him. “Now it’s _really_ decided.”

“I don’t have anything to sleep in,” he said. Usually he came to her beat and broken in the middle of the night.

“Unless you care that you’d be wearing the biggest shirt I have, you might have to sleep shirtless.”

Kevin blushed at the thought of it. But when nighttime came around, Shelly had him sleep in her bed after he’d showered. She’d offered to help him, but he refused, claiming he was strong enough to keep his dignity. When the lights were out and everything was still in the house, she rose from the air mattress she was on and laid beside him with a friendly space between them. She whispered to him, “This house is your safe place. Always.” She slid her arms around his waist, shifting closer to him. He buried his face in her hair and tried to fall asleep.


	6. Put Out of Our Misery

That was the last time in eighth grade Kevin missed school. Not exactly trusting his word that he was fine, Shelly would run her hands over his arms and his chest once a month. He would gently shove her away. “I’m fine. I swear,” he said. A light early summer breeze swept over them through the door. It was the first day of June, and they were going to be promoted to high school in two weeks. It was also first period English, and he was late to the bus so he had to walk. He got to school as soon as the final first bell rang. So Shelly had to do her inspection as they sat in their seats while other kids in their class played cards and talked.

Shelly glared up at him through her eyelashes. Her expression said that she didn’t believe him. “Don’t bullshit me, Kev. It’s Friday.”

“I’m not bullshitting you! You just like touching me, and you know it.” He smirked at her.

Shelly’s cheeks speckled pink. “Oh, you’re not bruised and battered then? Well it shouldn’t hurt too much if I did this.” She punched him above his armpit.

“Ow!” he exclaimed. He put a hand over the spot, but he smiled. Compared to what he dealt with at home, that was nothing.

Shelly looked hesitant, like she was about to ask him if he was okay, but she tipped up her nose instead. “You’re lucky I’m in a good mood, turd. Or I could’ve done a lot more damage.”

Kevin raised an eyebrow. Now that she pointed it out, she  _ was  _ in a better mood than usual. “Why are you in a good mood exactly?” Normally, he would say  _ why’s you in a good mood,  _ but thanks to her always correcting his grammar, his speech was finally comprehensible and didn’t make him sound like a dumbass. People actually stopped calling him retarded.

Shelly grinned from ear to ear, squealing. Her braces caught in the light. “I’m finally getting this fucking headgear off today after school! It took long enough, but the day’s finally here! Thank God!” She squealed again, but this time she threw her arms around him. The force of her throwing her weight at him shoved him against his chair. He wrapped his arms around her out of instinct. They’d hugged before, usually when he came crawling to her after a brutal fight with his dad. She’d ice him down before pulling him into an embrace. The first time she did it, he’d come to her in the middle of the night in June, around the same week as today. Except they were in seventh grade. She took care of him before helping him upstairs to her bed. She’d curled up beside him and hugged him.

Now, nobody paid them any mind. Shelly made it clear she’d kill anyone who looked at them wrong.

This was different because they were in public, not the safety of the darkness. She didn’t let go of him when she said, “Maybe if I bring you along I can convince my orthodontist to get your braces off. How long have you had them?” she asked. She finally pulled back, and he felt empty without her arms. He pushed the feeling away.

“About three years,” he said. He got them in fifth grade when he was eleven and had to go to the orthodontist on his own to get them tightened. Sometimes Kenny and Karen would accompany him.

“Then, yeah. I can totally convince my orthodontist. Easy as pie.”

 

After school, Shelly sat on the bus with Kevin. She was practically bursting with joy. She shared her earbud with him like she always did. She had given him his own pair, but she was glad he didn’t use them as often. She liked sharing her music with him. She quietly sang along to the songs playing in their ears, bobbing happily, pulling him into her side often. She really couldn’t contain her excitement. She was staring out the window when she turned to him, taking a corner of his red flannel in her fingers, running her thumb over the material. She’d gotten him this one because it was soft and warm. It was thicker than his old button-down. Two sizes too big so he could wear it longer than a year. “How come you always wear this?” she asked.

“Because I like it,” he answered.

She thought for a moment. “So if I got you another one for your fifteenth birthday, but it was different—but still flannel—would you wear it?”

“Of course.”

She nodded. “Okay. Good to know.”

The bus halted to a stop. People stood, streaming out the doors. Kevin got up, and Shelly got up with him. They squeezed their way into the aisle, Shelly even pushing some kids out of the way. They walked out and onto the sidewalk. They made their way to Shelly’s house side by side.

“You look good in flannel,” she said.

Red bloomed across Kevin’s cheeks. He coughed into his fist as an attempt to hide his blush. She still saw it. He stuck his hands in his jean pockets. “Thanks,” he rasped.

She silently giggled into her shoulder. He was kind of… cute when he was embarrassed. She didn’t like him in a romantic way, and she doubted he liked her like that, but she was allowed to think he was cute, right?

At her house, they watched Netflix while they waited for Mrs. Marsh to come home. She was getting off work early due to her daughter’s appointment, so all they had to do was wait. And it wasn’t like they had any homework. They hadn’t had homework since the third week of May.

They got through one episode of her show before Mrs. Marsh came through the door. “All ready, Shelly?” She noticed Kevin beside her. “Oh, hello, Kevin,” she added.

Shelly stood, bouncing on her feet. “Yeah, I’m ready. But can Kevin come along? He’s had his braces on longer than I have, and it’s not like his parents have the time to take him,” she said.

“I don’t know, Shelly,” Mrs. Marsh said.

Shelly wasn’t going to take no for an answer. “Please, Mom? I’ll do all the talking if you want me to. If we don’t take him with us, he might never get his braces off, and I’m not letting  _ anyone  _ endure that torture for longer than they have to.”

Mrs. Marsh glanced at the boy on her couch. It wasn’t like she’d have to pay for him to get his braces removed. All she’d have to do was take him and see if the orthodontist would remove them. “Okay, fine,” Mrs. Marsh said. “Get in the car.”

The drive felt like it took days. Denver was only an hour’s drive away, but Shelly was too impatient. Not even music could help. So when they finally got to the dentist’s, Shelly jumped out of the car and ran into the building. Mrs. Marsh and Kevin followed her in with less enthusiasm.

When Mrs. Marsh walked in, the receptionist greeted her with a friendly smile. “Hello, Mrs. Marsh. Your daughter was just telling me about how she’s getting her headgear and braces removed.” The receptionist looked at Kevin who was as tall as Mrs. Marsh already. “And she was telling me about you too. It’s completely fine if you get them removed today even without an appointment. I’m sure the doctor won’t mind. It’s a slow day.”

As soon as the lady at the desk said that, Shelly’s orthodontist walked out. He was also Kevin’s orthodontist, considering there was only one in the whole establishment. “Shelly! Excited to get your braces off?” She nodded vigorously. Dr. Andrews saw Kevin. “Oh, Kevin McCormick! What are you doing here?”

The receptionist explained. Dr. Andrews nodded. “Quite all right. So, who’s first?”

“ME!” Shelly exclaimed. She said it a bit too aggressively so she had to suck in some spit.

Dr. Andrews jumped slightly. “Okay. Come with me.” They both turned and disappeared through the doorway. Mrs. Marsh and Kevin sat down at the waiting area, with one chair between them. Intent on avoiding small talk, he took his phone from his pocket and turned it on. He’d changed the wallpaper to waffles, which made his stomach growl. He was always hungry for waffles. He texted Kenny and Karen to make sure everything was fine with them. Karen replied first.

Karen: **I’m fine. Ike and Ruby are being boring playing video games. Where are you?**

He told her, and she said she couldn’t wait until she could see him and his straight teeth. Kenny responded soon after, also confirming he was okay. Satisfied that his siblings were safe, Kevin took his earbuds from his pocket and plugged them into his phone. He watched YouTube until Shelly walked out two hours later. His head snapped up to her and he pulled out his earbuds. She was grim-faced and it filled him with nervousness. His eyebrows furrowed. He jumped out of his seat and rushed over to her.

“How was it?” he asked. She looked so different without her headgear. He noticed a few things he’d never noticed before. Like how she had a small button nose. She had a little indent in her chin. And she had full lips, the kind celebrities got injections to achieve, but hers were natural and plush and pink. He didn’t understand how the headgear made him miss all this. And he thought he knew her better than anyone.

Then those lips split into a smile, showing off her perfectly straight teeth. They were glossier than normal. Her retainers. But he didn’t care about the retainers. He stared at her and her smile and his heart started racing, his chest constricted, and his gut did cartwheels.  _ I think I’m gonna be sick  _ was his single thought.

“How do I look?” Shelly put a hand under her chin and batted her eyelashes, still smiling.

Kevin’s brain was sluggish. He opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water. Noises started spilling out. Stammering gibberish. They weren’t real words. He forgot how to form real words.

Mrs. Marsh got up from her chair. She looked at her daughter’s teeth and smiled. “You look beautiful, sweetie!” she exclaimed.

“I’m so happy my headgear’s gone!” Shelly beamed. Her voice no longer sounded spitty and sort of muffled. It sounded girly and clear, though she had a bit of a lisp.

Dr. Andrews spoke up. “Yes. She has her retainers in, and she has a bit of a lisp right now, but if she does a lot of speaking—singing, reading aloud, talking—it should go away within a day or so. She should wear the retainers all week, then she can wear them to bed after.” He turned to Kevin, who was still staring wide-eyed at the girl in front of him. “Your turn, Kevin,” he said.

Kevin absentmindedly followed Dr. Andrews, but his mind was still stuck on Shelly’s smile. He’d never seen her smile that big and that happy before. He was positive he was going to throw up on the orthodontist as soon as he instructed him to open his mouth.

 

When his braces were finally removed, he was still a bit dazed from seeing Shelly. He walked out, running his tongue over his retainers. He had calluses on the inside of his lips. They hurt. When he walked into the lobby, she was sitting in a chair next to her mother. She looked up and smiled again, and he felt his heart quicken again. She waved him over. He obeyed. “Smile,” she said when he was standing in front of her. He smiled.

“Handsome. The retainers kinda hurt, huh?” she said. He nodded.

She handed him his phone. “You left this on your chair before you went in.” He took it.


	7. Eighth Grade

Carol McCormick thanked Sharon Marsh for taking her son to the orthodontist. Kenny and Karen were fascinated with his straight teeth. Kevin made sure to brush his teeth extra good that night. He kept brushing his teeth extra good every night until the morning before graduation.

He stared at himself in the dirty mirror. He wore a simple white button-down shirt with a blue tie and dress pants. He wore his same brown combat boots he wore everyday. He tried to fix his hair with water, but it kept falling back to its natural state. He’d gotten up early in the morning and showered, lathering his face and hair in soap. He scrubbed the dirt off his cheeks and combed his fingers through his hair. He wanted to make sure he looked nice.

He took the bus to school like he usually did, but he noticed Shelly wasn’t there. When he got to school, he went to the amphitheater. Two of Shelly’s friends were already there. They wore dresses and their hair was done up.

They saw him and gasped. “Kevin, is that you?” Angelica asked.

Holly looked him up and down in a way that made a blush creep up his neck. “You look good,” she said.

“Uh, thanks” was all he could think of saying. He saw their eyes look behind him. The sisters gasped again and ran past him. He turned and understood what the fuss was about.

Angelica and Holly stood around a brunette girl. They yammered and squealed and complimented her. It was all static in his ears. The girl’s brown hair was in loose spiral curls cascading down her shoulders. Her dress was pink with lace shoulders, the skirt above her knee. Kevin was afraid to look at her face, but his eyes wouldn’t listen to his brain. The full lips were glossy. The skin was smooth ivory. The eyes were lined with black making the sky blue stand out. Dark lashes framed the eyes making him really focus there. Even without it, all he would’ve stared at was the eyes.

At first he thought it was Monica, but he remembered that Monica had brown eyes and dark brown hair. Not like the caramel brown hair of this girl. Slim fingers painted pink went up to that hair and ran through it. And either way, Monica came up from behind the girl.

He tried to focus on the girl’s face again. He saw the bangs below the brow, every hair in place. He stared at the eyes again. Blue met violet, and Kevin finally realized who the girl was. “Shelly!” he blurted.

“That’s my name,” she said. She walked up to him and closed his jaw. He didn’t even realize it was open. He grit his teeth together, forcing down a blush. “Are you excited to finally graduate?”

He snorted. “I wouldn’t be graduating if it wasn’t for you,” he said.

“Not true. Your commitment was what got you through. I just pushed you a little. But don’t get sappy on me yet, turd. We still have high school to get through.” She smiled. She wasn’t wearing her retainer. He wasn’t either.

“Yeah. You look… pretty,” he choked out.

“Thanks. You look good too. My mom put foundation and eyeliner on my face. Mascara too. I did the lip gloss.” She held up her hands to his face, showing off her nails. “Mom took me to get my nails done on Sunday. Cool, huh? I’ve never felt so girly. Or pretty. I like it.”

She was holding them so close he couldn’t help but grab her hands and hold them a bit further away so he could really see them. He’d never held her hands before. He imagined them to be rough and callused (not that he imagined holding her hands) but they were soft and smooth. She had a thin gold band on her forefinger. Each nail had a single gem at the cuticle. The tip of her fingers were squarish. He convinced himself he wasn’t scrutinizing her nails so he could milk holding her hands in his own. But holding them too long would be weird. (Not that he _wanted_ to hold her hand.) He let go.

“Cool,” he said nonchalantly.

She spread her fingers in front of her. “Right? I know you probably don’t care, but they’re acrylic. I think Mom spent about thirty dollars on these,” she told him.

He blinked. _Thirty dollars for nails?!_

Angelica said, “Oh, that’s nothing. My mom spends sixty bucks each to get mine and Holly’s done.”

Kevin looked at them with wild confusion. Who in their right mind would pay for nails that expensive? They looked at him and laughed.

“Kevin doesn’t get it,” Holly giggled.

“I don’t think any boy does,” Monica laughed.

They were right. He didn’t get it. He wasn’t going to deny it. The warning bell rang. Holly and Monica broke off to their first period classes. Shelly and Kevin walked to English together. They didn’t talk much as they normally did, but they were at the point in their friendship where silence wasn’t awkward.

Shelly was lost in thought as she walked to class. She was thinking about high school, but mostly summer. Her family hadn’t planned anything for June. They would probably do something in July. Shelly’s skin prickled. She looked around and saw a few boys looking at her as she walked past. It wasn’t the wrinkled nose looks they used to give her. Their eyes were wide, and they gestured to their friends who turned to look at her. Feeling uncomfortable, she crossed her arms and walked closer to Kevin.

Their shoulders brushed. “You okay?” he asked.

“People are staring at me,” she hissed.

Kevin glanced at her through the corner of his eye. He smirked. “What kinda people?”

“Guys.”

He chuckled. “They’re probably _beguiled_ ,” he teased. She taught him that word.

She glared at him. “Yeah right. Why would they?”

“I dunno. Ask them.”

“You do it!”

“No way.”

“Ugh.”

“Ugh,” he mocked. He even rose his voice to a falsetto.

She punched his arm and shoved him away. He stumbled over his feet, holding his middle as he laughed. She blushed, scowling. As much as she wanted to enchant boys, she wasn’t expecting it to actually happen.

“Aw, is somebody _angry_?” He pouted at her.

She racked her brain for a good comeback but came up empty handed. “Turd,” was all she could think to say.

They entered the classroom. He was still laughing and she was still blushing. Heads turned when they walked through the door. Shelly felt them all on her. Jaws dropped. Whispers erupted. She gulped as she sat down at her desk.

An arm was stretched across her desk. She stared at the face of Jonathan. He smirked at her and winked. “Hey,” he said. He did that gross fake deep voice. She pushed him off her desk. He fell with a yelp. She heard a string of ugly snorts coming from her side. Kevin had a hand over his mouth. His shoulders were shaking. He was _laughing._

“It’s not funny!” she exclaimed.

“It is!” he defended. He reached out and plucked one of her curls. She swatted his hand away. “Have you looked into a mirror lately? Of course a bunch of horny guys are gonna be all over you.” She couldn’t tell if he was joking or serious, but he was smirking.

“Fuck you,” she grumbled.

The final first bell rang.

 

Graduation was long and boring but well rehearsed. The whole week leading up to the graduation they spent practicing, except Wednesday when they went on their last field trip. Everyone in the eighth grade was ordered alphabetically. Their last names depended on where they sat and who they sat next to. Since their last names were so close, Kevin and Shelly sat next to each other. He was on her right since she was Marsh and he was McCormick.

When the row two ahead of them began standing after their names were called, Shelly grabbed Kevin’s hand. “I’m nervous,” she whispered.

“It’s standing when your name’s called then sitting after three seconds the last person is called. It’s easy. You’ll do fine,” he assured.

She was still nervous. She had to stand in front of the whole eighth grade and their family members. That was a lot of people. She refused to let go of his hand. Even if he seemed calm and collected, she knew he was as anxious as her. His hand was clammy.

The first person in her row was called. Benjamin Laywell. Jessica MacDonald. Shelly Marsh. She stood and realized she was still gripping his hand. Her ears went hot, but she didn’t let go. Kevin McCormick. He stood. He ran his thumb over her finger. The roiling in her stomach calmed. Eight more people were called, and they all sat three seconds after the last person stood.

Shelly let out a breath of relief. Kevin untangled his hand from hers and pat her shoulder. She offered him a small smile. He smiled back.

After the last row sat, the principal announced the award to kids who got a 4.0 in eighth grade. Then he called the names for the kids who got a 4.0 throughout their whole middle school years. Those kids were to walk out of their seats and stand in front of the principal’s podium. Four kids were called before Shelly’s name was called. She wasn’t surprised since she’d practiced before. She scooted past the two kids to her left. She walked up to the podium, took the rose from her History teacher, and turned to face the eighth grade. Six more kids were called, then they split off into two lines and walked down the center aisle between the two sections of eighth graders.

The applause was a buzz in her ear. She saw her family clap and shout her name. She lifted her hand and gave them a small wave. She was smiling big as her parents took pictures of her. Even Stan and his friends were clapping for her. She wondered how Kyle and Eric got out of class since they didn’t have siblings in her grade. Her Algebra teacher told her line to go to the quad where the certificates would be. She went to the table marked “I-P.” She found her certificate and Kevin’s. She waited for him by the table.

When he showed up, she took his sleeve and handed him his certificate. She dragged him away near the Science building before enveloping him in a hug. “Eighth grade is finally over!” she shrieked.

He laughed, squeezing her around her middle. “Yeah,” he said.

They called their parents and told them where they were. They were found within a minute. Leis were thrown around Shelly’s shoulders and balloons were pressed into her hands. A teddy bear wearing a graduation cap found its way in her arms. Her mom and dad hugged her and kissed the top of her head, telling her how proud they were. Her grandpa patted her arm weakly. “Congrats, Shelly,” he croaked.

She smiled at her grandpa. Her little brother, Stan, even quickly wrapped his arms around her before stepping behind their dad like he was scared she would hit him. She probably would’ve when she had her headgear, and if Kevin wasn’t constantly talking about how she should cherish her brother because one day he’d be all she had, but she crushed him in a hug instead and planted a kiss on his cheek. He still had baby cheeks—soft and chubby. He was startled. His face said it all. But when his friends started laughing, his face turned red and he wiped the lip gloss off his cheek.

Kevin’s family circled around him. Karen squeezed him around his middle, congratulating him over and over. Kenny jumped on his back and gave him a noogie. “You did it, Kev! You got through middle school! Just wait till high school!” he said.

Kevin smiled. He didn’t get five leis or teddy bears like Shelly, but he was as happy. Shelly walked up to him and took off one of her leis. The one made of money. She put it around his neck. He stared at her.

“I have two. I helped Mom make this one for you,” she said. She smiled. “See you around, Kev. Come over whenever you want.” She walked away with her family.

Kenny picked at his lei. “I wonder how much money this is,” he mused.

Karen poked his stomach. “Kenny, that’s Kevin’s money. He can do whatever he want with it,” she said.

Kevin turned to face his parents. His siblings, still attached to him, turned with him. Carol and Stuart traded looks. “Let’s go home,” Mom said.

The way she said it was grim. It made the kids feel grim. They walked home, nowhere near as enthusiastic as the Marshes.


	8. Don’t Even Know You Anymore

At home, Mrs. Marsh explained, “As you can see, we didn’t get you any graduation gifts. That’s because we decided to take you to whichever mall you want and get whatever you want.”

Shelly perked up. A wishlist was forming in her mind. Her mouth split into a grin, and there was a gleam in her eye that made her father and brother nervous. “Anything?” she asked. She stuck her hands in the pockets of her sweatpants. She’d changed from her dress since it was starting to itch.

Sharon smiled. “Anything, sweetie.”

Shelly tilted her head. “Can we go to Denver Pavilions?”

“Sure!” Sharon turned to the males in the family. “Do you two want to come?” They shook their heads. She looked at her daughter. “Just you and me, then, Shelly,” she said.

Shelly’s smile turned from menacing to genuinely happy. “Cool! Can we go now? Since it’s only noon?” School was let out early at eleven thirty. It would be like that tomorrow too, but Shelly’s parents agreed that she and her brother didn’t have to go.

“I don’t see why not.”

Sharon and Shelly got into the car and drove to Denver Pavilions. It was a nice mall. Shelly had been once in sixth grade, but when she went, she collected every store she wanted to visit in her mind. When the car was parked, Sharon asked, “So where do you want to go?”

“Can I get piercings? One more on my lobe on my left ear along with a cartilage piercing? They do piercings at Claire’s,” she said. “Please?” She already had two piercings on each ear, but she’d always thought cartilage piercings looked cool and she’d been asking her mom about a third one on her lobe.

“Okay. As long as you remember to clean it twice a day. It will take a while to heal before you can change the earring,” Mrs. Marsh said.

“I know. I remember.” Shelly was bouncing in her seat. They undid their seat belts and walked into the mall.

Claire’s was on the first floor, and when they walked in, no one was sitting at the piercings chair. Sharon talked to the girl at the cash register. She handed her a clipboard and a pen. Her mom began filling out the form. The girl stepped out from the counter and went over to the chair.

“Sit here, please,” she said. Shelly sat. “Which earring do you want for your lobe?” She handed her a selection of earrings.

“That one.” Shelly pointed to the small diamond stud.

“Good choice,” the girl said.

Her mom and the girl talked about where Shelly wanted the piercings to be. The girl nodded and rifled through the cabinet beside her. She pulled out a piercing gun and cotton balls. She put rubber gloves on and cleaned Shelly’s ear. She marked the place Shelly wanted her ear pierced with a pen before picking up the gun.

“You’ll feel a little pinch,” she warned.

“Okay,” Shelly said.

There was a click. It was barely a pinch. The girl switched the gun for a needle. Shelly recalled how piercing your cartilage with a gun could shatter the cartilage. She didn‘t want that. “This might hurt a little more.”

Shelly bit her lip to hold back any sounds she might make. She was well aware cartilage piercings hurt more than normal ones. But she was used to pain. The girl did her work and pulled back. She handed Shelly a mirror. She turned her head and inspected the piercings. The cartilage was a stud, since it had to heal before she could have a hoop, and there was a small diamond stud above her two other piercings. She smiled.

Sharon smiled too. “Say thank you,” she told Shelly.

“Thank you,” Shelly said. The girl smiled. She went back to the counter, and Mrs. Marsh gave her back the clipboard and paid. They left the store.

Sharon inspected her daughter’s ear. “Very pretty,” she approved.

Shelly smiled.

“Where to next?” her mom asked.

“Forever 21?”

Shelly had never been to Forever 21, but when she walked in, she decided it was her favorite store. Her mom grabbed a mesh bag to put all the stuff Shelly was already collecting in. Forever 21 had mostly crop tops, but they were all cute. Shelly had always wanted to wear a crop top but wasn’t confident enough to. She grabbed a few jeans and shorts and skirts. She tried the clothes on and discarded the ones she didn’t like.

By the time they left the store, it was five o’clock. Shelly wore the new pink sunglasses she chose. They also went to Sephora for mostly her mom, but she ended up getting mascara and a few lipsticks and glosses herself. Her mom bought her an eyeliner, saying she wanted to teach her how to put it on properly. Shelly put her still-curly hair up in a ponytail to show off her earrings.

“Thanks, Mom,” she said. She hadn’t felt this happy in a long time.

Sharon pulled her daughter in for a hug. “Of course, sweetie. We’re so proud of you. You deserve it.”

In the car, they didn’t head straight home like Shelly was expecting. Mrs. Marsh lowered the radio and said, “Don’t tell your dad, but I had a gift for you in mind, but it isn’t one I can present to you physically. What would you think if you got highlights?”

Shelly’s jaw dropped. “Really?” She’d always talked to her mom about getting her hair dyed or highlighted at least. She felt like crying. This was the best day of her life. She smiled from pierced ear to pierced ear.

“Yeah. I booked an appointment. I don’t know what we would do if you said no. I already told my hairdresser I wanted you to get highlights,” Sharon said.

Shelly was so excited she was at a loss for words. She couldn’t find them until she sat at the salon chair in front of the mirror. Her mom’s hairdresser was fluffing her hair. “What color would you like, hon?” Harley asked.

“Mom, would it be okay if I got thin silver highlights?” Shelly looked at her mom in the mirror.

Sharon put a finger to her lips, thinking. “I don’t see why not.”

Her and Harley discussed a bit more. Then Harley led Shelly to those reclined chairs with bowls at the head. Shelly laid down, and Harley showered water over her hair. She massaged her fingers through, easing out the curls. She lathered on shampoo, rinsed, and squeezed out Shelly’s hair with a towel.

When Shelly was seated again, Harley said, “What if I cut her hair? Make it look a little nicer. Even out the layers.”

Mrs. Marsh nodded. “Perfect.”

“Free of charge,” Harley added.

“Oh, I can’t do that.”

“It’s fine, hon. You’re one of my best customers. You can’t stop me either way.” Harley smirked.

Sharon smiled, sighing. “All right. Thank you so much, Harley.”

Shelly got her hair trimmed to perfection, then she got it highlighted. By the time her and her mom got home, it was nine at night. Mrs. Marsh dropped the three bags on the floor, closing the door.

“What took you so long?” Randy asked. He was sat on the couch, sipping beer.

“Take a look,” Sharon said. She gently pushed her daughter forward. Stan peered past his dad to look too.

The girl who his mom had her hand on was not his sister. This girl had shiny smooth brown hair tinted with gray. The gray barely looked gray against her hair. It looked more blonde but if he squinted he could see the gray. The bangs were neat and tidy and even. On her left ear, she had four earrings. Her face was pretty and smiling, not scowling. The clothes definitely belonged to Shelly Marsh—with the gray sweatpants and black Lorde shirt—but this girl in his house was not his sister.

“Where’s Shelly?” Stan asked. His eyebrows pressed together, trying to understand who the girl was.

His dad kept blinking at the girl. His mom laughed and the girl snorted. “I’m right here, turd,” she said.

The girl used Shelly’s catchphrase, but the voice was different. It was silvery, not gruff. Then Stan remembered. Shelly got her headgear off. Her voice had been clearer when she got home from the dentist. He’d almost forgotten what her real voice sounded like. It had been so long. She’d also kissed his cheek that morning. Without that headgear, she was an entirely different person.

Stan’s eyebrows unfurrowed. Now that he looked, the girl _was_ his sister. She was still 5'4. She still had brown hair and bangs even though they looked better and more silver. She had the blue Marsh eyes. His eyes widened as he nodded slowly. “ _Oh,”_ he said. “Hi, Shelly.”

“Hi, Stan.”

Their dad finally shook himself from his shock. “What’d you get?” He looked at the two Forever 21 bags and the small Sephora bag.

“Clothes. Some makeup,” Sharon answered.

Stan pointed out, “Shelly, you have the Camila Cabello hairstyle.” Shelly was all about her pop stars. He couldn’t control connecting celebrity names to their famous faces.

She touched the ends of her hair. “That’s kinda what I was going for.”

“Did you two have dinner?” Sharon asked.

“Yeah. We got McDonald’s,” Randy said.

Shelly went upstairs and crashed on her bed. All that excitement today exhausted her. She forced herself into the bathroom to wash up and clean her ears. She changed to her PJ’s and snuggled under the blankets. Her eyes were heavy. She fell asleep instantly.


	9. True Colors

Shelly told her friends to meet her at the playground at noon. It was Friday. She knew Angelica and Holly didn’t go to school. Monica did since her parents were working. But Monica was let out thirty minutes ago. But Shelly wasn’t sure about Kevin.

Shelly decided to wear one of her new outfits today. She had on a pink crop top hoodie. The back said “Psycho” which was true. Her jeans were ripped down the thighs, but white lace flowers were sewn underneath. She wanted to make sure her friends could see her earrings so she did her hair up in a ponytail. The way her mom’s hairdresser fixed up her hair was that with it up, wisps of hair the length of her jaw hung around her face. Her bangs fell below her eyebrows.

She worried her lip as she walked onto the playground. Monica was already there, talking with Holly and Angelica. They were sitting on the pirate ship. There were no little kids in sight since they weren’t let out until one. They heard her coming and turned their heads. They gasped. They jumped off the ship and drowned her in compliments. All she could do was beam and thank them.

“Oh my God, you look so pretty!”

“I love your hair!”

“I love your _earrings!”_

“Both of you are blind. Look at her outfit!”

She’d never been complimented before and believed the words being spoken to her. Her mom had told her one night after she found her crying in front of a mirror that puberty would work its magic, and she’d grow into her face and body. Shelly didn’t believe it for a second. Not even puberty could fix her repulsive face. She had zits and her headgear and her hair was messy and tangled. When she got her headgear, she gave up on trying to look nice. She’d accepted the fact that she’d be ugly forever. But maybe now that her headgear was removed, she could try to fix herself up. Maybe.

A head popped up above the rest. Literally dirty blonde hair, pink bandaid, violet eyes. Kevin tilted his head at Shelly. She tilted her head back. Her friends split like the sea to let the two properly see each other. More like let Kevin properly see Shelly.

She was changing. That’s what he observed. She was growing into her womanly shape. The clothes really complimented that. He reached out and turned her head to the side. His eyes ran over her new piercings. He knew he couldn’t touch them. Kenny pierced his own ears a month ago, and could only touch them while he was cleaning his piercings. Kevin twirled a piece of silver hair around his finger.

Then he realized he had three onlookers and Shelly was watching him. He dropped his hand and shoved it in his pocket. He forced down his blush, turning his head up to the sky. “You look different,” he said. “Like a completely different person.”

Shelly snorted. “Thanks.”

Holly, Angelica, and Monica began whispering excitedly to each other. Shelly raised an eyebrow at them while Kevin kept his gaze on the sky. The clouds looked especially soft. Wispy and white like cotton.

“What’s wrong with you three?” Shelly demanded.

The girls pulled her out of Kevin’s earshot. “Can’t you see?” Monica hissed.

“See what?” Shelly asked.

Holly grinned. “Kevin! He totally likes you!”

Shelly glanced at him. He was still focused on the sky. He’d also gotten a lot taller. Taller than all of them by three inches at least. She looked back to her friends.

“No. That’s not possible. Kevin and I are just friends,” she insisted.

Angelica shrugged, smiling. “I dunno, but when you two get together, don’t say we didn’t tell you so,” she sang.

Shelly rolled her eyes. There was no way Kevin McCormick liked _her_. He of all people had no reason to. He’d seen her at her worst. If he’d seen her at her worst, why like her if he saw her true colors?


	10. At My Doorstep

June was going to be over in two days. Shelly sat in her room, sprawled spread-eagle out on her bed. She had her sunglasses on, even if she was inside. Her phone was blasting Lorde. She belted out “Royals” mindlessly. When her dad first told her he was Lorde, she didn’t know what to think. Since she knew, the songs sounded different to her, and it kind of ruined it all. Eventually, she decided she could still like the songs, but she tore up her Lorde phase into little pieces and watched it burn.

Her parents were at work. Stan was with his friends. She was home alone, and it was hot. Her parents didn’t allow her to fiddle with the thermostat when they weren’t home, so she had the window wide open. It didn’t help. There was barely wind. Only stifling hot air. She had a cropped tank top and running shorts on. Her hair was piled up on her head, but little wisps that weren’t long enough to reach the hair tie hung over the back of her neck. The back of her sweaty neck. She was flushed and dying of heat.

She stared up at her ceiling tinted pink due to her lenses. Sick of doing nothing but singing, she rose out of bed and made her way downstairs. Netflix sounded good. Maybe she should finish watching _13 Reasons Why._ She was lazy when it came to keeping up with that show. It was a little overdramatic. The wooden railing was smooth and cold under her hand. She was only motivated to watch it when Kevin was around. She suspected he liked it more than her.

Halfway down the staircase, there was frantic knocking at the door. Her parents told her not to open the door for _anyone_ but them when she was home alone, but the way the person on the other side was knocking sounded like they were in danger. Shelly ran down. She jumped the remaining four steps, and swung open the door. Kevin stood in front of her. He looked very pink. _Oh wait, those are my glasses._ She pushed her sunglasses down to the tip of her nose to inspect him in his real colors over the gold brim. His face was still pink. Flushed. And there was a swollen purple bruise under his eye.

“Hey, Shell.” His words slurred together. She caught the faint smell of alcohol on his breath.

It was three o’clock.

She huffed and rolled her eyes, taking him by the back of his collar. She slammed the door shut, and dragged him to through the living room. He stumbled along. She pulled out a chair at the dining table, pushing him into it. She didn’t bother being careful. She couldn’t help but feel angry as she stomped into the kitchen. She opened the freezer and rifled through it. It was slightly past midday, and he’d already gotten in a fight. No, he’d gotten drunk then got in a fight. She found Stan’s old Lightning McQueen ice pack and wrapped it in a washcloth. She took a water bottle from the fridge. She went back to Kevin and pressed the ice pack against his eye.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“It’s fine,” she grumbled. She took his hand and put it on the ice pack. “Hold it right there.” She uncapped the water bottle, holding it up to his lips. As she tilted, he drank. He didn’t break eye contact. He lifted his free hand and pushed her aviator sunglasses up her nose.

“Do you _know_ what time it is?” she asked. She put the water bottle on the table when he turned his head away, signaling he was done.

“Uh… time for me to get a watch?” he guessed.

The corner of her lip quirked up. She shook her head to hide it. He had to know that this was not okay. “No, dumbass. It’s three o’clock. Way too early for you to be drinking. Actually, you shouldn’t be drinking at all, but I can’t stop you. But still,” she scolded.

“I’m sorry,” he said again.

She pulled him up from the chair and brought him to the couch. He laid down on his stomach, the ice pack under his eye.

“How drunk are you? Do you think you’ll need to run to a toilet?” she asked. She didn’t feel like cleaning up his vomit.

“No. I’m not that drunk. I just need to sleep it off. I’ll just have a small headache when I wake up. That’s all,” he assured.

There was silence for a heartbeat. Shelly climbed on top of him and squeezed herself between his body and the couch. She threw her legs over his back. “Tell me how it happened,” she ordered. She stared down at the back of his head. He hadn’t cut his hair in a while.

Kevin sighed. “Mom’s at work, Kenny and Karen are out. It was me at home. I had a can of beer. That’s it. One can. Dad got home from the bar. He was grumbling in that way I hate. I told him to shut his stupid fucking mouth. He called me an ungrateful bastard. I swung at him. He got me back, but that was the only hit he got. He was fucking drunk, swaying on his feet and shit. And like I said, I only had _one_ beer. I jumped on his back and strangled him. He managed to throw me off him and told me to get out. So I did. I didn’t wanna be around him anymore anyway,” he explained.

Shelly _tch_ ed. Still, she felt bad for him. He didn’t deserve the shit that to happened to him. “Try to sleep,” she said softly.

He nodded.

He recognized the _13 Reasons Why_ theme song. They usually watched it together. He wondered how many episode she’d watch while he slept. She lowered the volume so he could sleep. She stroked his hair. He hummed under her fingertips. His head was a little fuzzy, but as her fingers massaged his neck, the pressure in his mind lessened. He was faintly aware that his shirt was riding up and her leg was touching his skin. That was the last thing he remembered before dropping off into sleep.

 

The weight was still on his back when he woke up. Kevin didn’t open his eyes when he asked, “What time is it?” His voice was raspy with sleep.

“About five o’clock.” The voice wasn’t Shelly’s but it was just as familiar.

Kevin’s eyes snapped open. Kenny’s freckled face filled his vision. “Kenny?” Maybe he was hallucinating.

But Kenny smiled. “Hi, Kev.”

“What’re you doing here?” The slur in his words was gone. Like he’d predicted, there was a slight pounding in his head.

“We got here an hour ago. You were already here, and Shelly was sitting on you like a mother hen.” His face lost some of its cheerfulness. A frown replaced his smile. “She told me you were drinking again.”

The disappointment in his voice made Kevin want to shrink into a hole. The ice pack under his eye had melted to slush. “Yeah. Sorry, Ken,” he whispered.

Kenny patted his head. “How’s your eye?”

 _How—?_ Kevin scowled and bucked his hips, jostling Shelly on top of him. “How much did you tell him?” he demanded.

“Everything. Don’t you think he deserves to know?” she replied.

He groaned. He looked at Kenny. “It’s fine.” He lifted his head. He touched his eye. The swelling had gone down.

Kenny’s frown deepened as his eyes stilled on the bruise. He hated how his brother fought his dad. He always ended up battered, and it made him upset.

Eager to get off the topic, Kevin complained, “It’s hot.”

“I can’t fuck with the AC. It’s one of the few rules my parents give me. Take off your flannel,” suggested Shelly.

“I can’t. You’re sitting on me,” he pointed out. Her warmth was probably contributing to the sweat rolling down his temple.

She stood. He sat up and took off his flannel. The TV was playing Terrance and Phillip. Kenny’s friends sat in front of it, their eyes glued to the screen. He tossed his flannel on the arm of the couch. The ice pack was warm and no longer ice. Shelly took it and his flannel.

“I’ll putting this in the wash because it smells like shit. You should take a shower. And eat something,” she advised.

“Can you make me a waffle?” he asked hopefully.

She sighed. “How many?” She tied his flannel around her waist.

“Three?”

“We have a toaster for four so I’ll just make you that many.”

“You’re the best.”

She turned. Her shorts were so short it didn’t look like she was wearing anything under his flannel. The thought made his cheeks heat up. She picked up his water bottle from the dining table. “Drink some water too.” She tossed it at him.

He tried to catch it, but his reflexes were slow. It hit him in the forehead. It didn’t hurt, but he still exclaimed, “Ow, hey! I have a headache.”

She rolled her eyes, smiling. She still had her sunglasses on. “Oh, boohoo.”

“Never mind. You’re not the best.”

She went into the kitchen, popping four waffles into the toaster. She scratched the back of her neck. Her hair was tickling her. She would’ve pinned them up, but she’d need twenty bobby pins. And she hated bobby pins. She always lost them.

In the living room, Stan said to Kevin, “I’ve never seen my sister take care of anyone but you. It’s fucking weird, dude.”

“Yeah. It’s like she’s an entirely different person,” Kyle added.

Kevin shrugged. “I don’t have any answers to that,” he said.

From the kitchen, Shelly yelled, “Kev, syrup or no?”

“Yes please!” he shouted back.

She came back with a plate of waffles, syrup on the side. She handed it to him and took off her glasses. She slid them onto his nose. He looked up, taking a bite of his waffle. “What’s this for?” Everything was doused in pink.

“My mom puts on sunglasses when she has migraines. I figured this would help. You said you had a headache, didn’t you?” She cocked her head to the side. Her bangs swept over her eyes.

He nodded, stuffing the waffle into his mouth. He hadn’t had breakfast. He handed one to Kenny. He took it and nibbled.

Kevin didn’t have words to express his love for waffles. He’d die for waffles. They were his true love. They’d been there for him when no one else was. He’d marry a waffle if he could.

Shelly went to the basement and tossed in Kevin’s flannel into the washing machine. At the same time, Kevin put the plate in the sink and went upstairs. He’d showered at Shelly’s before. He locked himself in the bathroom, turning on the shower to let it warm up. At his house, he couldn’t let the water warm up because they couldn’t water and they didn’t _have_ warm water. He stripped off his shirt and dropped it to the floor. He started unbuttoning his jeans when there was a knock at the door.

“Gimme your clothes,” Shelly said from the other side.

Kevin blushed. “What? Why?” he asked.

“So I can wash them. Duh.”

“Then what do I wear?”

“We went shopping yesterday. I got you some things. I want to see if you like them or not,” she said.

His blush deepened when he asked, “Oh. Okay. My… uh, my boxers too?”

“Yes. Those probably smells the worst. You have, what? One pair?”

“I have _four,”_ he corrected.

“Not any better. Hurry up.”

He peeled off the rest of his clothes. She was right, of course. They smelled terrible. Rancid. Suddenly, he began thinking. _Should my best friend even be seeing my underwear?_ Is  _she my best friend? Does she consider_ me _her best friend?_

He unlocked the door and opened it just enough that he could stick his hand through to pass her his clothes. She traded him for a towel and toothbrush.

“Your clothes will be on my bed,” she said.

“Okay.”

He closed the door and locked it. The towel was set on the closed toilet and the toothbrush was placed on the sink. Steam fogging the mirror, he stepped into the shower. He soaped himself down, making sure to lather in the shampoo so he wouldn’t already smell the next day. He squirt toothpaste on the toothbrush and stuck it in his mouth. His breath must’ve really stank if Shelly gave him a toothbrush to use.

When he got out of the shower, he toweled off. He wrapped the towel around his waist before he walked into Shelly’s room. He held it, not wanting it to fall. Droplets from his hair rolled down his neck. She was laying on her bed, her phone in front of her face. She didn’t look at him when she said, “At the foot of my bed.”

He looked to the foot of her bed. Clothes were laid out, ready for him to choose which one he wanted to wear. There were three T-shirts, one gray, one red with black trim and a black breast pocket, and a blue one with Thanos printed on the front. He snorted at that one. Shelly took him to see _Infinity War_ when it came out. He thought it was a good movie. Kenny and his friends ended up buying tickets after they heard him raving about it. There were the same amount of pants—two shorts, one pair of jeans. “So this is why you asked me for my clothes size last week,” he said.

“Yeah. I’m not that much of a weirdo,” she said. Her voice was light, joking.

He bit the inside of his cheek, not wanting to say what he had to say. “Um, what about—y’know…” He trailed off, hoping she’d get the gist.

“Boxers, you mean?” She bent over and reached under her bed. She threw a pack of boxers at his head. She was in a very throwing mood. He caught it with one hand.

“Thanks,” he mumbled.

She returned to her phone. “I hope they fit. I didn’t wanna ask what size you are.”

His head snapped up to her, eyes wide, mouth gawking. She caught a glimpse of his reaction past the corner of her phone. She burst out laughing, rolling over. Tears welled in her eyes and her ribs hurt. She grabbed a pillow and threw it at him. He dodged it. “I didn’t mean it like that!” she said.

He knew that, but he still smirked. “Oh, sure, Shelly,” he teased.

She screeched. He grabbed a shirt and pair of shorts before she launched another pillow at his head. It hit the wall where he had been. He ran into the bathroom to change. Dressed, he went across the hall to Shelly’s room. The door had closed while he was in the bathroom. He turned the handle, pushing it open.

He began to taunt her. “These boxers fit better than I expected. How’d you get it down so perfectly? Do you look at my—”

Plush hit his face. He stumbled backwards, blinking at Shelly. She had her pillow raised over her head, an evil gleam in her eye.

“Oh, fu—”

The pillow slammed into his face again. He growled playfully and tackled her around her legs. She fell with a yelp and a thud. He snatched the pillow from her hands and smothered her laughing face with it. She blindly jabbed him in his sides. He lurched the the left, embarrassingly giggling like a schoolgirl. He hated how she knew where he was ticklish. With a weak grip on the pillow, she got one more whack in before throwing it back to her bed. He tried to use the short seconds to get away, but her fingers found his sides too soon. He fell to his back, trying without any success to push her off. Her knees trapped him around his sides.

From the bottom of the stairs, Kenny yelled, “If you two are gonna fuck, can you at least close the door?”

Shelly froze, blushing too bright. She climbed off Kevin and marched to the door. “Shut up, _turds!_ We are _not!_ ” she screamed. She slammed the door and sat on her bed, picking up her phone like nothing happened. He tucked his arms under his head, pulling his shirt down so his stomach wasn’t exposed. He stayed on her floor until her parents came home and he left with Kenny.


	11. Beauty Queen

Kevin walked into Shelly’s room unannounced at four o’clock. He was about to flop down on her bed, but as he walked through the doorway, he caught a strong whiff of something. He scrunched up his nose and walked up behind Shelly, who was sat bent over her desk.

Her fingers were splayed out on the surface of her desk. A small brush was clamped between her fingers. The nails from her thumb to her middle finger were painted black. She was starting on her ring finger.

“What’re you doing?” he asked.

She didn’t look up, coating the nail in black with a steady hand. “Painting my nails. Want me to do yours? You need a manicure anyway.”

He inspected his dirty nails, pretending to consider it. “No thanks.” He flopped down on her bed like he’d planned to do and stared up at the ceiling. Hers was clean and pink, not torn and stained like his.

“Where have you been all day? I was texting you and you wouldn’t reply.” She tossed a glare at him over her shoulder. “I was worried.”

Kevin flushed. “Sorry. That’s actually why I came here. To tell you I got a job,” he said. He knew she’d been babysitting since she was twelve.

She turned to look at him and smiled. “That’s great, Kev! What kind of job?”

“I deliver pizzas. I start tomorrow,” he said.

She turned back around. “I didn’t know Whistlin’ Willy’s  _ did  _ pizza deliveries,” she mused.

“Me neither. I saw a ‘Help Wanted’ sign so I asked about it. Apparently it’s a new thing they’re trying out. To get more money and shit,” he explained.

She hummed. “I’m proud of you,” she said.

“Thanks.”

Shelly stood from her desk, lightly blowing on her nails. She sat down in between his arm and body. He could wrap his arm around her waist if he wanted. Not that he wanted to. Why would he want to put his arm around her? He furrowed his eyebrows at the thoughts.

She glanced at him. “You look constipated,” she said. She swung her legs over the end of the bed. “Move your arm.” He moved his arm, dropping it across his stomach. She laid down where it had been.

“Wanna do something today? After my nails dry?” she asked.

“It’s hot as hell today. We can swim at Stark’s Pond,” he offered.

She shook her head. “Can’t. I’m on my period.”

“Oh.”

“We can just walk around. Stan does that all the time and always gets himself in a mess,” she said.

“Okay.”

Fifteen minutes later, Shelly gently touched her nail and looked at her finger. No polish came off, so she decided the coat had hardened enough to leave the safety of her room. She pushed Kevin with her foot. His eyes moved away from her laptop balanced on his lap.

She grabbed her small backpack containing her wallet. “Wanna go now?” she asked.

“Yup.” He closed her laptop and slid off the bed.

They left the house, starting down the sidewalk. Sweat already began to form on Shelly’s forehead. The mid-July sun beat down on her skin. “Fuck, it’s burning out here,” she whined. She tugged at her crop top and shorts beginning to stick to her skin. She gathered her hair into a ponytail to cool her neck.

Kevin tied his flannel around his waist. “I know, right?” He ruffled a hand through his hair. “Wanna get something to eat?”

“Is that even a question?”

They traded a smirk.

Cool air swooped over them. Tweek Bros was busy. It made sense since people were getting home from work, wanting some coffee before they went home. Adults glued to their cups barely spared them a glance. At the counter, Mr. Tweak stood in front on the cash register. He greeted the two teens with a kind smile, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “Welcome to Tweek Bros! What can I get you today?”

Shelly tapped her lip. “I’ll have a medium peach iced tea, extra ice. Also a blueberry muffin.” She looked at Kevin. “What do you want?”

His eyes danced over the menu. “Uh, can I get a, uh, small mocha frap?”

Mr. Tweak punched in their orders. “That’ll be ten fifty. Would you like to pay separately?” he asked.

Kevin opened his mouth to say he’d pay, but Shelly hip bumped him away from the counter. He stumbled, glaring at her. Smirking, she said, “You don’t wanna spend your hard earned money already, do you?”

She turned back to Mr. Tweak, handing him her debit card. He swiped it through and handed it back to her. He said, “Thank you.”

Shelly sat at a table for two. Kevin joined her. He rubbed his hip. “I haven’t earned any money  _ yet,  _ but I still could’ve paid,” he muttered.

“I know. But I don’t want you to. Suck it up, Kev.” She smiled sweetly, taking her sunglasses from where it hung from the waistband of her shorts. She slid them halfway up the bridge of her nose.

She watched Mr. Tweak make their drinks. He looked tired, with purple bags under his eyes. Her friends often came to the shop. Since they didn’t have a Starbucks, Tweek Bros was the next best thing. She noticed his wife wasn’t there to help him, and the soft noises his anxious son made weren’t coming from the back room. It made her wonder what deep shit the man had gotten himself into.

“Shelly,” Mr. Tweak called, setting their order on the counter. Her and Kevin rose from their seats, grabbing their drinks. They left the air conditioned coffee shop and wandered into the sun’s wrath.

The blueberry muffin was huge, and she knew that. She split it in half and handed some to Kevin. He bit into the muffin, realizing how hungry he was. Then again, he was always hungry.

The movie theater was right beside Tweek Bros. Maybe they could watch a movie. Except no new movies that interested them came out. Shelly kept note of that kind of stuff.

South Park was uncomfortably small. There wasn’t much to do for two fourteen-year-olds who couldn’t drive yet. Ahead on the sidewalk, a group of boys the two knew from school made their way down. Before they passed the pair, every boy in the group did a double take. Kevin saw the way their eyes traveled over Shelly. He ground his teeth together. She ignored them and kept walking, so he followed.

One of the boys stepped in front of them. His eyes were on Shelly. His friends stopped and watched. “Hey, whoa. Shelly? Shelly Marsh?” he asked in disbelief.

Kevin couldn’t remember his name, but he knew the face. Straight nose, scowling mouth, tawny hair. But Shelly knew his name.

“What, Isaiah?” she snapped. She glared at him over her sunglasses, sipping her iced tea.

_ Isaiah.  _ Now Kevin remembered. The kid used to be in his English class, always talking back to the teacher, only to be sent to the principal’s.

Isaiah shot her a crooked smile. “How ya doin’?”

Shelly rolled her eyes. “Fuck off.”

He chuckled. “Aw, c’mon? What’s wrong?”

Kevin didn’t like the way he was looking at Shelly. He didn’t like the way he was talking to her either.

Shelly leaned on her weight on her right leg, popping her hip out. She folded her left arm, resting her right on top of it. She sipped her drink, looking Isaiah up and down. She smiled sweetly, showing off her straight white teeth. “Who said anything was wrong?” Her voice was silky.

Isaiah grinned. He nodded. “All right, okay. Two can play at this game. You doing anything tonight, princess?”

Shelly’s shirt slipped off her shoulder. Kevin saw Isaiah’s, as well as his friends’, eyes fall to the exposed skin. She purred, “Depends. I might need to check my schedule.”

“I can give you my number?” Isaiah offered.

Shelly shrugged, eyes gleaming. She took her phone from her backpack, turning it on and handing it to him. He eagerly plugged in his phone number. He gave her back the phone, winking. “Text me when you make up your mind,” he said. He walked away with his friends. Kevin saw him give them subtle high-fives.

Kevin didn’t realize Shelly had started walking. He caught up to her, slightly fuming. He opened his mouth to mention how he appeared to be invisible during that encounter, but he noticed her staring at the contact. She caught his eye before blocking the number and deleting it.

She smirked, holding out the phone. “Can you put this in my backpack, please?”

He did as told and could help but feel pride swell in his chest. He mirrored her smirk. Shelly was ruthless and he knew it.


	12. Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

It was strange not having Kevin around. And he hadn’t been around. Not for two weeks. He was busy working, earning enough money he could use on necessities like food or clothes. Whistlin’ Willy’s was popular amongst kids, not for the food, but for the arcade games. The food wasn’t bad or anything, just mediocre. And everybody loved pizza.

Blue eyes stared at the ground. Pink Vans dragged against the tanbark. Shelly fiddled with the arms of her sunglasses. She’d grown very attached to her pink aviators. Hands unable to resist staying still, they felt her space buns, trailing to the rest of her hair left down. She brought a lock over her shoulder.

The swingset beneath her creaked. Monica beside her swung high enough to touch the clouds. Holly perched on the slide said, “C’mon, Shelly! Try to have some fun! It’s the last week of summer!”

Last week of summer indeed. The last week before high school started. Shelly was nervous. She knew she’d do fine, but the tightness in her gut wouldn’t go away.

“She’s too busy pouting like a Disney princess,” said Angelica. She stood beside her sister, leaning her head on her folded arms. “You’re so pretty, Shelly.”

“Thanks,” she mumbled.

Lately, she’d been told that a lot. By her friends, her grandma she’d visited on the thirtieth of July, even girls from her grade. She didn’t believe them. When she looked in the mirror, she still saw the ugly little seventh grader with hideous headgear, a rat’s nest of hair, and acne all over her forehead. In her mirror, she still scowled, and her body was still shapeless and flat.

Pictures showed her a different girl. The girl in photos had luxuriously thick brown hair with silver tints, an enchanting smile, minimal acne, a body beginning to take its hourglass shape, and—most importantly—no headgear.

The only thing the two girls had in common were the eyes. Blue like the morning sky circled by nighttime clouds in the moonlight.

Tanbark crunched underneath walking feet. Shelly and her friends looked up. It was a boy. Black hair, flecked brown eyes behind glasses, wolfish face. He was their age. He used to be in Shelly’s science class. Cody Sandoval.

Shelly had had a crush on him since the first day of seventh grade. But she’d sworn off dating, and chose to stick by it. Besides, middle school relationships never last. She’d be more successful in high school. She hoped.

Cody Sandoval was smart. One of the smartest kids in class. He preferred to be reading books over playing sports. Shelly admired that, feeling the same way herself. Cody often got picked on for the simple fact he was smart and wore glasses. As one of the outcasts, they’d become acquaintances—maybe even friends. Before Kevin came along, she’d partner up with him since none of her friends had been in her class at the time. In that way, they’d never have to be alone.

And Shelly hated being alone.

Cody lifted a hand in greeting. “Sup, Shelly. Long time no see,” he said.

She gave him a small smile. “Hey.”

Next to her, Monica squealed quietly. She knew when Shelly liked someone. She got this distant, blithe look on her face like she was staring at a sunset in Hawaii. And she had that exact expression as she looked at Cody. Shelly had told her, Holly, and Angie she liked him two Septembers ago. She only refused to date him because of the stupid promise she made to herself.

Monica traded a knowing look with Angie and Holly. The twins held up crossed fingers. She continued to swing to begin eavesdropping.

Shelly gently pushed her feet off the ground, swinging back and forth with the wind. Her heart thudded in her chest as she gazed at Cody. He leaned against the bar next to her swing.

“We went to Mexico to visit my grandparents for a of July. It was so hot there. All we did was sit by the beach. It was still fun, don’t get me wrong.” Cody stopped talking to tilt his head at her. “What’d you do? You look very different,” he observed.

Shelly touched her new piercings. Her fingers slid down her hair. She blushed. “Just a lot of shopping. I didn’t go anywhere in particular. The farthest we went was Denver to visit my grandma. I mostly stayed in town and hung out with these losers”—she jabbed a finger at her friends, who cried out in protest—“and Kevin.”

“We’re losers but Kevin’s not? That’s cold, Miss Marsh. Downright cold,” Monica joked.

Cody shifted from foot to foot. He scratched the back of his neck, looking uncomfortable all the sudden. “A-about you and Kevin,” he started. “Are you two, like, together?” He seemed to shrink into himself, like he was ashamed to ask.

Shelly snorted. “No. We’re not. And we haven’t been.” She pointedly glared at her friends. They shrugged like they didn’t know what she was talking about.

When she looked back at Cody, he had brightened up. “Really? W-well maybe you and I could, you know, go out to see a movie on Tuesday or something,” he stuttered. He didn’t meet her eye, which was fortunate for her since she was blushing scarlet.

“Yeah, sure,” she said, trying to sound nonchalant. She failed.

Her and Cody just stared at each other for five minutes, smiling like idiots. Monica, Holly, and Angelica looked at each other and rolled their eyes, grinning.


	13. Warning: Do Not Cross

Kevin waited at the bus stop before the first day of school. He’d earned enough money to get the bare minimum of school supplies he needed that he didn’t already have. Really, that meant notebooks and a new backpack were the only things he had to buy. He had pencils, he had erasers, and whatever else he might need.

The yellow school bus drove up, screeching to a stop by the sidewalk. Doors opened and he walked up the steps and down the aisle. He always tried to sit in the middle of the bus, where it wasn’t too loud or too quiet. He sat on the right side of the bus, pressing himself against the window. The bus started driving.

Houses blurred past, streaks of color. The bus rattled on its wheels, making his head bounce on the window. He was exhausted. He got off work at nine at night, not falling asleep until midnight because of his worrying. He had to find a way to get a full-ride scholarship to a good college so he wouldn’t end up like his parents. He _really_ didn’t want to be like them. He wanted to graduate and go to college and get a good job that paid good money.

The bus pulled to a halt at Shelly’s stop. He saw her, but she was talking to someone. Some guy he recognized but, again, couldn’t name. He lifted his head, brow furrowing. The line outside began moving into the bus. The strange knot in Kevin’s chest loosened when Shelly sat next to him. But she didn’t greet him. She kept talking to that kid, who decided to sit in the seat across from theirs.

Kevin internally shrugged, taking his phone from his pocket and stuffing in his earbuds. The fifteen minute drive wasn’t long enough for him to catch up on sleep, so he stared out the window, watching trees and buildings pass.

Tires shrieked and kids shot up from their seats, streaming out the door. Shelly stood and he followed her out the door. She continued to talk to the guy, ignoring him. Kevin wondered if she had even noticed him at her side yet. The thought made him go cold.

Coming up to the new school, Kevin barely glanced at it, having come a week before to see where his classes were. He shared four with Shelly. They’d compared schedules when they first got them. They had first period Spanish, second period PE, fourth period Biology, sixth period Geometry.

There was twenty minutes of free time before class started. Shelly grouped up with her friends. He continued to hang by her side like a virus. Angelica greeted him. He smiled. But he felt out of place, like he didn’t belong here with these people he’d known since seventh grade.

Kevin didn’t feel like tuning into the conversation the group was having. He sat down on the concrete surrounding a tree, propping his head up with his fist. That’s when he noticed it. Shelly’s fingers were intertwined with that kid’s. He stared at the joined hands, trying to figure out what the fuck he was looking at. Then it clicked. They were together. Together as in _dating_ together. The realization threw a noose around his neck, making it hard to swallow.

Five minutes before the warning bell rang, Shelly said goodbye to the kid. She turned to Kevin for the first time that morning. “Ready to go to class?” she asked.

He nodded, standing up and stretching. As they walked into the hall where their Spanish class was, Kevin said, “What’s your boyfriend’s name again? I’m not good with names.”

Shelly smiled. “Cody Sandoval. He was in our seventh grade science class, remember?”

He thought back to the face of the boy. He faintly recalled Cody hanging around Shelly before he and Shelly became friends in January when they were thirteen. They used to partner up. “Oh yeah,” he said.

Shelly’s skin prickled in that way it did when someone was looking at her. She scanned the hall, not finding one, but most kids staring at her. Guys and girls from her middle school gawked at her. Guys and girls she’d never seen before did too. She awkwardly crossed her arms over her chest, only for her crop top to reveal a bit of her midriff. She felt embarrassed under the eyes. She stepped closer to Kevin.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“They’re staring,” she hissed.

“They’re just awestruck,” he whispered back.

 

It was school. Nothing was interesting. Little happened. The only thing that stood out to Shelly were the stares she was getting. They were different from the ones she used to get when she had her headgear. They were almost in admiration, like Kevin said.

To Kevin, Shelly’s new relationship stood out the most. Obviously, they had gotten together recently. There was no way Shelly had kept a relationship secret from him for more than a month. They were too close to hide that kind of stuff from each other. And even if she did manage to hide it, he would feel hurt that she’d keep that from him.

Walking home after school was filled with silence. They didn’t say a word until Shelly unlocked the door and they dropped their stuff on the floor. They collapsed on the couch at the same time, sighing.

“When did you start dating? You and Cody, I mean,” he said.

“Only a week ago. He’s cool. I’ve liked him since the beginning of seventh grade. It was a little infatuation. Even if I dated all those other guys before him, he was always stuck in my mind,” she explained. She leaned across him to grab her backpack and start on her homework.

The noose around his neck tightened. Now it was difficult to breathe. Still, he moved to do the same. It was quiet. They only spoke to make sure their answers were the same. If they weren’t, they’d figure out who made the mistake. If they were correct, they would go back to silence. It was strange.

 

Two weeks into school, Kevin was playing on the PS4 at Shelly’s house before he had to go to work. She had been playing along until she quit. She curled up on the opposite end of the couch, attached to her phone. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her fingers fly across the screen. She was typing—texting someone probably. She smiled and that smile turned into a laugh.

“Who’re you texting?” he asked. It sounded casual enough, but still prying. He bit his tongue.

Shelly either didn’t care or she hid it, but she took the question in a stride. “Cody. He’s so dumb,” she joked.

That annoying rope around his neck choked him now. He even touched his neck to make sure there wasn’t a physical rope there. He only felt skin. His chest burned. What was happening to him? Why was it that whenever Shelly brought Cody up, or he saw them together, it got harder to breathe and his chest felt like it was on fire?

He was probably imagining it. So he dismissed the issue and went back to the game.

 

School had been in for three weeks. It was Sunday. Kevin thought he’d stop by and hang out with Shelly. When he got to the house, he opened the door without knocking. He’d never had to knock. Shelly always welcomed him in.

But when that door opened, he saw something that made his stomach twist and the rope cut off his air supply. On the couch sat Shelly and Cody, pecking at each other’s lips in that way couples did. They both looked so happy but he felt so… He couldn’t place the feeling. Embarrassed, maybe? His cheeks _were_ burning, and he _had_ walked in on something intimate.

The couple on the couch broke apart to peer at him. “Hey… Kev,” Shelly said slowly. Her eyebrows creased together. He’d never heard her talk to him that way. Not particularly angry, but not happy to see him either. What was it? Disdain? Disgust? It was a _dis_ word. Then he found it.

Disappointment.

She was _disappointed_ to see him. She’d never been disappointed to see him before.

The two stared at him, waiting him to make a move. He realized his hand was still in the doorknob. He could escape. He wasn’t completely trapped in. “Shit, sorry,” he hissed. “I’m, uh—I’m just gonna...” He jabbed a thumb to the street outside. Then he shut the door and hurried down the street to his house.

His cheeks were hot. His chest hurt. He was afraid to breathe, thinking if he did, the rope would crush his throat. His hands were twitchy, and all he could think about was how much he hated Cody. But why? Cody had never done anything to him that would make him _hate_ him. Kevin shoved his hands deep in his pockets. He stared at the sidewalk as he practically ran home. But he wouldn’t run. He had dignity.

What was wrong with him? Why did seeing Cody with Shelly make him so angry, so frustrated?

A voice in his head answered his question. _You want to be in his place._

Kevin halted in his tracks. No. No, he didn’t. Shelly was his friend, and he didn’t like her _that_ way.

Right?

He fisted a hand in his hair. He groaned loudly. Fuck, this couldn’t be happening. He was dreaming. This wasn’t reality. There was _no way_ he had a crush on Shelly Marsh. She was his closest friend, his only friend. He couldn’t ruin that by wanting to _date her_ or something.

But as he imagined himself in Cody’s place, with Shelly so close to him, his lips on hers, he understood. He started walking again as he flashed back to every touch and look that stood out to him through the years. Believing he liked her changed his perspective entirely. How long had he felt this way? Was it recently? When she changed and how every guy suddenly wanted to be with her?

No. It was before that. It had to be.

The first touch that stood out to him was when their fingers brushed when Shelly gave him her old phone. But that feeling in his chest was gratitude.

He remembered how she sat between him and the couch when she found him bruised. He remembered how her thigh rested on the skin of his back, exposed because of his shirt.

He recalled how he felt like he was about to throw up when she got her headgear off, when his jaw hung open when he saw her at graduation.

He sat down on the steps of the front door to his house. He clutched his head in his hands. His brain hurt. His throat was dry. He was sweating, trembling. _From the noose._ He was losing air. He was dying. But the noose wasn’t real. It was in his imagination. He didn’t understand, but at the same time _he did._

Because he, Kevin McCormick, liked Shelly Marsh. He didn’t just like her casually, he liked her _liked her._ He had a _crush_ on her. On his best friend. On his best friend, who he didn’t even know if she thought he was _her_ best friend. If he couldn’t even figure that out, how could he figure out if she liked him back?

Obviously she didn’t. She was dating someone else. Someone who didn’t have to get a job at fourteen to pay for things like food or clothes. Someone who didn’t have to act like an adult to take care of his siblings because his parents were incapable.

Kevin shot to his feet, storming inside the house. It was cold and quiet. No one was home. He beelined for the fridge that did nothing except sit there. On the door sat a rack of beers. He took two.

He went into his room and found his pack of cigarettes and lighter under his bed, stuffing them in the pockets of his jeans. Outside he went, into the woods. He sat down on a fallen tree trunk, pulling on the tab of the beer until it opened with a hiss. He chugged it down, barely flinching.

Normal kids didn’t react to discovering crushes like this. Usually, they went _Oh no,_ or smiled to themselves. Not run to the woods in hopes of drinking and smoking away the feelings.

But that’s how Kevin McCormick coped with delicate flames that sat too close to hurricanes.


	14. Bored Out of My Mind

Shelly broke up with Cody Sandoval after four weeks of dating.

“It’s not you, it’s not me. I just don’t think it’s working. And either way, we’re still kids. We’re too young for commitment and serious relationships,” she’d said.

Really, she just got bored. Cody was nice, polite, respectful, smart. But he was also bland and stuck to the rules.

While she wanted a boy who was polite and all that, she wanted a taste of danger that could be coaxed out if she so pleased. There _was_ a such thing as too nice, after all. Cody didn’t have his own opinion. It pissed her off. He just went with whatever she said, at it bored her half to death. And when she wanted to do something that took a risk, he would be sensible about it and list off all the consequences.

Boring. That’s the word she would use to describe Cody Sandoval.

Skyler was a pushy scumbag, Amir was awkward, Larry was… too soon to have an opinion, but if she really had to, she’d label him _uptight_ , and Cody was boring.

She knew there would be more down the road to add to the list.

When she broke the news to Cody that Wednesday morning, he frowned sadly and nodded. He didn’t say anything. He walked down the hall with drooped shoulders and dragging feet.

Shelly turned back to her friends, who stared at her a bit wide-eyed. Obviously, they were shocked at how unfeeling she was. Break-ups were normal, and she knew that. She shrugged at them and left for class, hoping to catch Kevin on the way.

She hadn’t seen Kevin much. Not since he accidentally walked in on her and Cody. She thought he might’ve been scared of showing up unannounced. He was also working. Delivering pizzas to houses at night. And of course, there was school and homework. He wanted out of this stupid town as much as her, so he worked hard.

As she walked down the halls, she felt eyes on her. She’d gotten used to them. The door to the Spanish classroom was propped open, so she walked in. There were a few other kids already in, but Kevin sitting at his desk reviewing his math notes was all that mattered to Shelly. They already had a quiz coming up at the end of the week. She felt bad she wasn’t there to help him study. But now she was free to do it as often as she liked.

She slid into her desk next to him. “Hey,” she said.

He looked up, startled. He’d taken pink bandaid off, revealing a white scar above his eyebrow where it used to be. He blinked at her. “Hey, Shell.” He turned back to his notes.

She got out the stuff she’d need on her desk. “Studying, I see? Three years ago, I never would’ve guessed,” she joked.

He chuckled quietly. “Oh yeah,” he whispered.

They shared a light laugh. She noticed something in the air, something different. It was cold, not uncomfortably cold, but a wall had been put up nonetheless. She wasn’t sure which one of them built the wall, or if they even knew they did.

She blamed herself. For getting so distracted with Cody and not spending time with Kevin. She’d forgotten he hadn’t been around when she had her previous boyfriends. And she knew that she allowed herself to get too absorbed in them. She needed to learn to balance her friendships and relationships. She’d certainly try.

 

The day was over before she knew it. On the bus, Shelly offered Kevin her earbud. He took it like he used to, putting it in his ear. There was a space between them. It was new. Before, they would sit close together because when the bus moved, the one sitting on the end slid into the person at the window. Now it seemed like Kevin was _trying_ to keep the distance between them.

 _This is a giant metaphor,_  she thought to herself. First the feeling of the air between them in Spanish, and now the physical gap between them on the bus. The wall was truly there, and the thought of it scared her. But if Kevin was building a wall, she wouldn’t break it down. He was doing it for a reason. And maybe she should go along with it. She was going to keep dating after all. She didn’t need boys to be turned off because they thought her and Kevin were together.

When they got off the bus at her stop, she asked him if he wanted to come over to her house. Because she felt like she had to, even if she never had before.

“Sure,” he said.

He walked with his hands in his pockets. Their shoulders didn’t brush like they used to. It was like a ruler was stuck between them as they walked. The wall was getting thicker. On the bus it was only five inches, now it was twelve. Her stomach dropped.

They did their homework and they studied. All while that invisible ruler sat between them. Shelly wanted to grab it and snap it in half, but she wouldn’t. Because she respected Kevin and she wanted him to know that without her saying it.

At five o’clock, Kevin left. He shot her a tight-lipped smile and a curt “See you” before he closed the door.

Shelly couldn’t help but think of him closing that door to certain aspects of their friendship, and not just her house. Maybe she was being dramatic. Maybe there was nothing there and she was imagining it.

She turned on Netflix and rewatched the first episode of every show they watched together _._ She wondered if Kevin had closed a door to this too.


	15. Blow Out the Candles

Shelly turned fifteen at the end of November. It was like nothing changed. She invited Monica, Holly and Angie, Kevin, and a few of her new friends. It was a bigger gathering than she was used to.

Her family got her clothes and accessories from Forever 21. Stan gave her a set of earrings.

She pulled him into a tight hug when she pulled away the tissue paper. She kissed his cheek because it was soft. She treated him like a five-year-old, even if he _was_ twelve. She couldn’t believe that. Her bratty little brother was twelve, in sixth grade. She remembered when she was that age, and sincerely hoped his middle school years weren’t miserable like hers.

Kevin got her a new pair of pink aviator sunglasses. She’d broken them when she accidentally sat on them in the car. She cried over it, even if they _were_ just ten dollar sunglasses. “Thank you _so_ much,” she exclaimed, tears coming to her eyes.

She put them on and hugged him tighter than Stan. He patted her back weakly, going limp in her arms from the lack of oxygen. She didn’t want to let go. It felt good to hug him again. She hadn’t hugged him since he got his first paycheck from Whistlin’ Willy’s. But this hug wasn’t the same. He used to hug her back right away, but with this one, he was hesitant and cautious. He was tense under her arms.

So she let go of him.

And felt like she was letting go of so much more.

The thought quickly left her when her mom placed a big bag on her lap. Shelly _ooh_ ed and threw off the paper fancily crumpled at the top.

 

For Kevin’s birthday in April, Shelly dragged him to the nicest restaurant in South Park—Buca de Faggocini. She insisted he bring his siblings along. He was thankful for that. He was afraid just eating at the restaurant with the two of them would look too much like a date. The McCormicks plus the Marsh kids sat outside, enjoying the Saturday sunset.

They’d all finished eating, making sure they ordered extra for the McCormicks to take home. Shelly made a five layer waffle cake for Kevin. She’d used a waffle press with typical pancake batter. With the help of Kenny and Karen, they’d layered thick whipped cream between each waffle. Then they took normal whipped cream and sprayed it all over the top. Karen added sprinkles and Kenny stuck in the candles. It turned out better looking than Shelly had hoped. It only felt right to do it for him. She felt like she had to make something up to him, even if she didn’t know what it was. She felt guilty, even if she didn’t know why.

Kevin almost cried when he saw it. Everyone at the table knew how much he loved waffles. It was almost embarrassing. They sang him happy birthday, and he blew out the fifteen candles squashed onto the top waffle. Shelly cut the cake—if it could even be called that—for the five of them. She gave the biggest slice to Kevin. It was amazing. It was better than the Eggo waffles he usually had.

“What’d you use to make this?” he asked around a mouthful.

Shelly giggled once, covering her mouth with her hand. He thought she looked cute, even with the whipped cream at the corners of her mouth. “The normal stuff. Eggs, water, batter,” she said. Her tongue flicked out of her mouth to lick away the whipped cream.

He blushed. “It tastes a lot better than frozen waffles,” he said.

Kenny snorted. “Well, duh, Kev! Everything made at home is better than store-bought—with the right ingredients and knowledge.” He tapped his temple.

Kevin rolled his eyes. He looked at Karen next to Kenny, who had whipped cream all over her chin. “Ken, give Karen some napkins,” he instructed.

Kenny did as told. Karen wiped her chin clean.

Kevin felt Shelly’s eyes on him across the table. She watched him with a light in her eyes. It made his heart dance, and he allowed it—as long as she never found out. She said, “You’re a good big brother. A better sibling than I was, huh, Stan?” She gently nudged her brother with her elbow.

He looked caught in a trap. He narrowed his eyes warily at her. “If I answer honestly, will you hit me? Kick me? Spit on me? Inflict any pain or torture on me?” he interrogated.

Shelly rolled her eyes. “I swear, turd, I won’t do anything. I already _know_ I was a bad sister,” she said.

Stan eagerly gave in. “Okay, yeah, you were a terrible sister. But you’re okay now, I guess.”

She snorted. “Thanks.”

Kevin finished his slice faster than anyone. He wanted to lick the paper plate clean, but Shelly cut him another piece. Idle conversation was held. Once everyone was finished eating, Shelly said, “Who wants to give Kev his present first?”

Karen perked up, reaching under her seat for the red gift bag. She handed it to her older brother. He opened it. She’d painted him a picture of a purplish sunset. Karen was extremely good at drawing. The painting really showed that.

“Thank you, Kare,” Kevin said. He reached across Kenny to kiss the top of her head.

Kenny handed him a flat rectangle wrapped in brown paper. Kevin shot his brother a sidelong glance after he peeled back the paper. He hadn’t even ripped it all off and he knew what it was.

Kenny shrugged, giving Kevin a shit-eating grin. “It’s the newest Playboy I found! I spent good money on that,” he said.

Kevin snorted, blushing and shaking his head. He was horrifically aware of Shelly cracking up. “You only got this so you can steal it from me,” he corrected.

Kenny narrowed his eyes, still grinning. “Touche.”

It took a while for Shelly to calm down, but when she did, she handed him a bag covered in colorful duct tape. “I didn’t want you to try to guess what I got you if you saw the brand. So I got creative,” she explained.

He pulled off the tissue paper. Folded at the bottom was a flannel shirt in red. Like the exact one he was wearing. He was confused, and she saw that.

“It’s different, I swear,” she promised.

He took it out. It unfolded as he did. The material between his fingers was thicker than the flannel he was wearing. Sewn into the back of the neck was a beige hood to match the drawstrings. It was a jacket. He put it on over the clothes he was wearing. The sleeves went past his thumb—a bit big so he could wear it for a few years.

He looked up at her. She smiled back, and his heart jumped. She said, “I thought it’d be fun to get you another flannel this year. You told me you liked them, so I made sure to get you another. This one’s more of a jacket. Since you don’t have one for winter, I thought this would be good. And there’s more in the bag, dummy.”

She was right. There were two shirts. One gray one with a decorated printed skull on it, the other navy blue with a pinup girl on the back. Kenny _ooh_ ed at that one and took it from his brother’s hands to inspect it closer.

Kevin met Shelly’s eyes. Those eyes that he’d first fallen into. Maybe that was when he started feeling for her. “Thank you so much, Shelly.” Hesitantly, he added, “How much did this cost? I hope not too much.” He knew she was also saving up money for college.

She waved away his question. “Don’t worry about it. I used my dad’s card,” she said. She stuck her finger in her mouth and licked off the whipped cream.

Kevin blinked.

Stan elaborated, “Shelly’s trying to expand her rebellious streak. She enjoys pissing Dad off.”

He nodded slowly, eyeing Shelly. She smiled back sweetly.

“She’s may not push people around anymore, but she’s still scary,” Stan said. He narrowed his eyes at Kevin and stage-whispered, “Run while you still can.”

Kenny nudged his brother. “Can I have this?” He held up the T-shirt to his body. Kevin snatched it from him, unamused. “No, Ken. Your school has a dress code, remember?”

Kenny rolled his eyes dramatically. “I always wear my parka. Who’ll notice? Do one of the teachers have X-ray vision?”

“No, Kenny. You can’t have the shirt.”

“Hang on, hear me out—”

Karen rolled her eyes at her brothers. Shelly leaned over to her and murmured, “I know, right?” She playfully scoffed and rolled her eyes at the same time.

Karen giggled, cupping her hand around her mouth. “You should see them at home. They’re always fighting over those Playboys,” she whispered.

Shelly ducked her head to the crook of her arm to hide her peals of laughter.

 

That night, Kevin settled into his hard mattress and thin blanket. Karen was already tucked in, but her eyes were open. He dropped his head to the pillow, sighing. He pulled the blanket over his shoulders.

From her bed, Karen whispered, “Kev, do you like Shelly?”

His head snapped around to look at her. She stared at him with innocent eyes. Her doll was tucked in beside her head.

“What?” he said. He wasn’t sure if he heard her right.

Karen repeated, “Do you like Shelly?”

Kevin’s mouth went dry. He licked his lips to restore some moisture. He racked his brain for a way to dodge the question. He found one. “Of course I do. We’re friends,” he said. It was the truth, albeit the half truth.

Karen sighed and rolled her eyes. She picked that up from her friend, Tricia Tucker. He didn’t exactly approve. “No, Kev. I mean _like her_ like her. Like you wanna kiss her and stuff,” she said.

His cheeks went warm and his palms started sweating.

Karen added, “Even if you say no or try to beat around the bush, I’ll still be convinced you like her.”

“Then why’re you asking if you know?”

“Because I wanna hear you admit it out loud.”

He paused. This was his little sister. He could be honest with her. He knew she wouldn’t go telling anyone.

To confirm this, she said, “I won’t tell anyone. I promise. Well, maybe except Ruby. And Kenny. But I’ll make them swear to tell no one else.”

Kevin chuckled quietly. He rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling, an arm tucked under his head. “Okay, fine,” he said. “You got me. I do like Shelly. I don’t know when it happened, but it’s all there and it’s a mess.”

“What do you mean, it’s a mess? You like her, so tell her. It’s that easy.”

Kevin glanced at her. “You’ve never had a crush on anyone before, huh?”

Even in the darkness he could see her blush. “No. But Ruby has. She just tells them and they either say yes or get their asses kicked. That’s why the smart boys say yes. The dumb ones get sent to the nurse. Either way, the ones who agreed or declined get hurt in the end. Emotionally or physically. Ruby has guts. I think it runs in her family,” Karen said.

Karen and Tricia were both eight. And already, Tricia sounded like a heartbreaker. It faintly reminded him of Shelly.

He smirked. “You’ll understand soon enough. Liking someone is a part of human nature.”

“You should ask her out,” said Karen.

He furrowed his brows. “Who?”

“Shelly. If she says yes, then boom, you fall in love and get married. If she says no, then she’s not the one.” She yawned, turning her back away from him. “Goodnight, Kev.”

“Night, Kare,” he whispered.

He shifted himself, trying to get comfortable. Maybe Karen was right. Maybe he should just take the plunge. If things worked out, great. If it didn’t… He bit his lip, forcing himself to think about the negative outcome. If it didn’t, then he would lose her. For good, maybe. But he’d never know until he tried, right?


	16. Kiss the Girl

The drama kids were putting on  _ The Little Mermaid.  _ Shows started at the beginning of May. This week, they were touching up in tech rehearsals before the final show next week. During lunch, Shelly and Kevin broke off from their friends. They roamed around the quad, talking about when they’d get away from South Park as soon as they could.

It felt so good to have her walking next to him again, but barriers had to be put up. Especially after realizing what he actually felt for her. He didn’t want to mess up what little he had. So he kept a good seven inches between their shoulders.

Shelly smiled when she talked about moving away. She hated the town as much as he did. He had to look down at her, since he was sprouting like a beanstalk. She wasn’t that much shorter, but he still had a few inches on her. He kept his hands stuffed deep in the pockets of his jeans. He’d gotten used to walking with his hands in his pockets. The temptation to reach out and hold her hand was too strong. Keeping his hands tucked away was the best way to resist.

They came closer the theater, the doors propped open.

“I’m moving away as soon as I can, but I don’t wanna be too far. Maybe Denver is a good place to live. Not too close, not too far…” she said.

Music from the theater got louder, and the singing did too. He caught the words being sung:  _ “And you don’t know why _

_ But you’re dying to try _

_ You wanna kiss the girl…” _

The words struck Kevin with the shock of reality. He gazed down at Shelly, watching her lit up face as she spoke. Her mouth moved, but all he heard was the song in his ear, telling him to kiss her. Ever since Karen had talked to him the night of his birthday, he’d been debating on telling Shelly, but the possibility of her declining and ending their friendship because of awkwardness scared him back.

_ “It don’t take a word, not a single word _

_ Go on and kiss the girl, kiss the girl…” _

The words whispered in his ear, taunting him. Maybe if he just—

Someone shot out of the doors to the theater, bumping into Shelly. She yelped and stumbled into Kevin. He caught her easily. She straightened, smoothing out her shirt. She glared at whoever bumped into her, only to relax her features.

Gabe Carter stammered out an apology, flushed red. He was a sophomore. A cute one, at that. He had chestnut brown hair and amber eyes. He was tall and was on the basketball team. He was shy, but had a bit of a reckless side hidden under his shell.

Shelly crossed her arms, an amused look on her face as she looked him up and down. “Gabe,” she said. “I didn’t know you were in the play.”

He met her eyes and his cheeks reddened. She’d realized she had that effect on boys not too long ago. He waved his hands in front of him, shaking his head. “No, I’m not. Well, I kind of am. I work the sound. Special effects. I’m not acting in the play,” he explained.

Shelly showed her teeth, the way a lioness would bare her teeth at her prey. Except her smile wasn’t malicious. Hers was tantalizing.

Kevin knew that smile. That smile could hypnotize any boy to get on his knees and beg for her. He’d seen her use it on boys in their classes when she wanted something done she didn’t want to do. It was like an immediate spell. A spell she never used on him. For that he was thankful, but he couldn’t stand there and watch Shelly sway another boy.

He didn’t bother saying goodbye. He walked away, nails digging into his palms. There goes his chance, gone like Gabe Carter’s control over himself. Kevin didn’t understand why she did it. She didn’t have a crush on the sophomore. She just liked the feeling of other people falling for her. It was like she thrived off of that energy. It made him afraid that she enjoyed it, but he knew it went deeper than the petty reason of using people and manipulating them. She needed others to make her feel like she mattered, to boost her confidence. Kevin knew Shelly had low self esteem. He knew she didn’t believe she was pretty or smart or worth it. That made him... sad, to put it the simplest. He wanted her to know she was the greatest person on Earth without her having to use someone else as a support beam.

He wondered if he was the one who could make her believe it.


	17. Another Heart Broken

Shelly showed up at the football field Friday after school. It was the second week of May. She stood alone, hands shoved deep in the back pockets of her ripped jeans. Gabe was practicing soccer. He always practiced, even if soccer wasn’t in season. He saw her on the sidelines and waved with a smile. She didn’t smile back, but her fingers flitted in what could be considered a wave. The spring breeze fluttered her hair that wasn’t in her space buns. She brushed her bangs out of her eyes. She didn’t sit down on the bleachers. She didn’t have the time.

Gabe caught his soccer ball as he kicked it into the air. He walked over to her, dropping a kiss on her forehead. She still didn’t smile. Her lips didn’t even twitch.

“What’s up?” he asked.

Shelly wasn’t one to beat around the bush. She was the type of girl to plow right through it with a chainsaw. “We’re done,” she clipped.

Gabe blinked in surprise. Shelly was known for her bluntness. He hadn’t realized how jarring it was. “S-sorry?” he stuttered.

She took her hands from her pockets to cross her arms. She shrugged. “It’s over. We aren’t a thing anymore. _We’re done,"_  she repeated.

Gabe froze. He still wasn’t sure he was hearing her correctly. Shelly was breaking up with him? They’d only been together for less than three weeks. “Why?” he whispered.

“It isn’t working.”

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No. I’m just not interested anymore. See you, Gabe.” There wasn’t a glimpse of sadness on her face.

And with that, she walked away. Gabe felt his heart get crushed under her shoes as she walked. He did his best to force away his tears, but his best wasn’t enough. He hurried to the locker room to pack up his stuff and go home.

Shelly, meanwhile, wasn’t feeling what Gabe was feeling. She wasn’t sad. She wasn’t angry. She just didn’t care anymore. She lost interest, like she said. Gabe was tasteless. There was nothing more to be said. She went home to her homework, then shower away her memories of Gabe. Once finished, she stepped out of the shower.

Stan got home from football practice not long after. She was lounging on the couch upside down when he walked in. Her hair touched the floor. She hadn’t cut it since eighth grade—only got it trimmed and recolored. When she was standing, her hair reached the top of her elbows. She twirled a lock around her fingers. They were unpainted and recently cut.

“There’s leftovers in the fridge if you’re hungry,” she said to Stan.

“Where are Mom and Dad?” he asked.

“Work.”

He sat down next to her. He wasn’t paranoid that she’d try to kill him if he did. Not anymore. Shelly was watching _Mean Girls_ for the tenth time. This time she was watching it upside down. He wondered for how long she’d been like that and how much blood was in her head.

“I heard you broke up with Gabe Carter,” Stan said.

“Mhm. I did. Why?”

Stan shrugged. “How come? It seemed like things were going well.”

Stan had his failures with relationships. Well, one relationship and multiple fails.

Shelly sat up, her knees facing him. “Look, Stan,” she began, “just because things are going well in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to stay. If you feel bored or you want to go after someone else, go for it! There’s no point in staying if there’s nothing to pursue.”

Her words were wise. Stan figured she’d know something after her five ex boyfriends and counting. He tucked the words close to heart.

“Oh. So now what?”

“Now I sit back and wait until another comes crawling to me,” she said.

“Why do guys still try to date you if you’ve never lasted longer than three months with any of them?” he asked.

Shelly smiled. “Boys—especially boys in my school—love trying to keep something other guys haven’t. Boys are all about competition. Wouldn’t you agree?” He nodded. “They come after me for that reason. Like how a hunter tries to catch some exotic bird to show that they’re better than all the other hunters. It’s survival of the fittest. And I’m winning.”

“How come you ask them out if you aren’t interested in them all that much?”

“I don’t. All of my exes—they asked me out. Weird, huh? The day I’ll make the first move is when I think I’ve found the one. Not exactly _the one_ I’ll get married to, but the one I think I’ll stay infatuated with for more than a few months,” she said.

Stan stretched out on the couch. His eyes flicked to the TV screen, the movie still playing. If this were back when he was in fourth grade, she would’ve at least paused the movie on a good day. On a bad day, she’d tell him to fuck off, turd. She didn’t even use that word as often anymore. When she did use it, it was jokingly. But also a reminder of who she used to be and how that side of her can still be let out of its cage.

Stan opened his mouth. “Would you say you’re an expert with this kind of stuff? Love, I mean?”

Shelly snorted. “What’s with all the questions? Did something happen between you and Wendy again?”

Her little brother blushed, turtling into the collar of his jacket. “Maybe,” he mumbled.

“C’mon. Be honest,” she coaxed in her kindest tone.

He sighed and rolled his eyes. “She broke up with me. Again. She said I wasn’t focused enough on the relationship. She said I wasn’t making her a ‘priority.'” He used air quotes around the word. “She’s stupid sometimes. Scratch that. Most of the time.”

Shelly laughed. “Oh, Stan. You’re really trapped, aren’t you?”

“Yeah. I mean, I love her, but she frustrates me, you know? She gives me all these expectations. I can’t keep up. I think I’m just gonna quit dating in middle school.”

Shelly understood that completely, and kissed his cheek. He scrunched his face up in disgust. But he’d much rather her kiss him instead of kick him.


	18. Soak Up the Summer Sun

Gabe Carter was Shelly’s last boyfriend in freshman year. He wasn’t her last boyfriend in her lifetime, of course. Just the last one for the remaining months in the school year. Summer came around faster than anyone thought. Shelly and her friends celebrated the end of the year by splurging on clothes at Forever 21. Shelly was careful to pick out crop tops and skirts. She had overheard her dad discussing with her mother how he was against the new way she was dressing, with her " _short shirts and ripped jeans. It shows too much skin. She looks older than just fifteen.”_ If showing skin ticked her dad off, she’d show that much more to get him mad. It’s what he deserved for making her wear headgear for three years when she full well could’ve been wearing braces.

Kevin quit his job delivering pizzas when he saw a Help Wanted sign at an auto mechanic repair shop. Naturally, he was nervous for the interview when he came back the next day. When Kevin walked in and asked about the sign, the man with oil stains on his scruffy face pointed him to a door at the back of the garage. Kevin noticed the nametag on his blue jumpsuit. _Nicolas._ “Be careful, kid. The big boss is visiting today,” Nicolas warned.

Kevin wondered what the fuck he meant by that as he knocked on the door.

“Come in,” a voice said from behind it.

Kevin gulped and twisted the doorknob. A man with cropped black hair and mud brown eyes sat at the desk. His hands were steepled as he inspected Kevin. It made him sweat. The man wore a simple white T-shirt. He didn’t look the part of the _big boss,_  whatever that meant.

The man flourished a hand to the seat in front of his desk. “Have a seat,” he said.

Kevin did as told, trying to keep his nervousness in check. Showing anxiety at an interview didn’t make a good first impression. He stuck his hands in his pockets to keep from fidgeting under the man’s critical gaze. Kevin allowed his eyes to wander around the office. It was clean. Neat. There was a window behind the man, casting him in a white glow. On the desk was a plaque that read Darren Mack.

_Must be his name._

“Here for the job?” the presumably Darren Mack asked. He plucked a pen from the cup at the corner of his desk. He slid a piece of paper in front of him.

_How—?_

“Y-yes, sir,” Kevin said.

“No need for formalities. I’m Johnny Stokes, owner of this place and all the others like it.”

 _So that’s what_ big boss _meant._

Kevin nodded, swallowing his fear. “Yes, Mr. Stokes.”

“Johnny. Just Johnny. Please.”

Kevin nodded meekly again.

Johnny Stokes glanced up at him to survey him once more. “How old are you? Fifteen, sixteen, maybe?” he asked.

“Fifteen.”

Stokes scribbled his response down on the paper. “Name? I should’ve asked that first. Sorry. I’m a bit out of order. The boss of this place, Darren, is in the hospital. He had a heart attack. He was a good man. So I’ve got to take over for now. I don’t trust Nicolas out there,” he explained.

“It’s fine. My name is Kevin McCormick,” he said.

The pen moved. “Any previous experience in other jobs or in auto repair?”

“I used to deliver pizzas. As for fixing cars, my dad has an old beat up truck that breaks down all the time. He makes me fix it when it stops running,” he answered.

“Did your dad teach you how to repair cars?”

“No. I had to teach myself.” He didn’t want to say too much. But Johnny Stokes wouldn’t allow that.

“Why?”

“My, uh, my dad’s an… alcoholic.” He flushed with shame.

Johnny looked up at him. There was something in his eyes that resembled pity. “No need to be ashamed, Kevin. I know what that’s like,” he said.

Kevin’s eyes snapped up to him. He didn’t know what to say. Or if he should say anything.

Johnny looked back down at his paper in front of him. “Right now, we’re short a few people. At this shop, we only had Nicolas and Darren running the place. With Darren gone and me dealing with running this place, Nicolas is all we have. So you’re hired. You start today. Nick’ll show you the ropes.” He reached for the cabinet behind the desk. He pulled out a blue jumpsuit and tossed it to Kevin. “We only have one size so it might be a bit big. But I got a feeling you’re a problem solver.” He winked at Kevin.

Stunned from the abruptness of it all, Kevin stuttered out a thank you and left the office. He kicked off his boots and shoved his feet and arms into the jumpsuit. He buttoned it up and approached Nicolas. He watched him with a raised eyebrow and crossed arms.

“So. You got the job. Johnny _is_ desperate. Didn’t know he was desperate enough to hire kids,” he remarked.

Johnny emerged from the office. “Give him a break, Nick,” he said. “Show him what needs to be done.”

 

Kevin left the auto mechanic repair shop with oil stains on his cheeks and a text from Kenny. He walked home as the sun was beginning to set. He liked his new job. It was something he enjoyed doing and it paid better than the delivery job. Sunlight dipped behind trees as his footsteps echoed down the sidewalk. He kept his head focused on his shoes, hands in his pockets. A car drove by, crickets chirped.

He crossed the train tracks and walked into his house. The only light on was from the TV. His family sat on the couch, watching the black and white screen. His dad’s eyes fell on him.

“Where have you been all day?” he asked.

At least he was sober.

“Working,” he bit out. His mom had a job, Kenny had a job, and he himself had a job, and all his dad did was complain about not having a job when he full well could get one.

Stuart snorted. Kevin ignored it. He didn’t feel like saying something about it. Not tonight. He walked into his room, slumping into his bed. Sighing, he shifted to his side, staring at the wall. It was only seven at night, but his eyes felt heavy. So he let them fall closed.

 

“I don’t like how she’s dating all these boys,” Randy said.

Sharon sighed. “Oh, come on, Randy. She’s young. Let her have her fun.”

Randy was silent.

Sharon pointed out, “At least she’s not dating troublemakers. All the boys she’s been with are good kids. Smart kids. Not druggies and dropouts.”

“I guess.”

Shelly peeled herself from the wall outside of the kitchen, where her parents were talking. So her dad didn’t like how she dated around. She walked into her bedroom, deciding to not get the glass of water she wanted. It was dark outside the window. She pulled closed her curtains and crawled into bed. She smiled as she closed her eyes.


	19. Life of the Party

Shelly and her friends walked around the South Park mall. It was hot for the last week of June. They were planning on going to Stark’s Pond on Thursday. Stacy Gilson was throwing a summer party there. The only requirement was bringing your own pool toy. And all the girls were short a few.

Shelly bought an ice cream floatie. She figured she’d borrow one of Stan’s water guns. What was most important to her friends was picking out the perfect bikini. Shelly didn’t care too much, but Holly still made her try on five pairs.

She settled for pink high-waisted bottoms and a simple black top with a cross back. Angelica tried to convince her to get bottoms that revealed a bit more of her torso.

“Isn’t this enough?” Shelly asked, staring at herself in the changing room mirror.

The bottoms covered her belly button, but were strappy around the hips. It was also cheeky, showing more of her ass than she would’ve liked. She winced at the top. To her, it revealed too much. The back was strappy just like her bottoms. There was absolutely no fabric on her back. The front was in the bandeau style, but she refused to wear a strapless one. It was such a change from back when she was thirteen. Then, she’d been too insecure about her body and herself to even try to wear a two piece. She used to wear short sleeved bodysuits, and didn’t dare consider wearing a bikini. But now that her headgear came off, it was like some of her insecurities came off with it. Some.

And wearing the bikini that seemed to reveal too much, she thought she looked slutty enough.

Her friends didn’t. They’d temporarily came into the changing room with her to inspect the bikini. Monica scrunched up her nose. “I mean, it’s cute, but—I dunno. You could go further,” she said.

Shelly whipped around to them. “If I went further, I’d be naked. Would you rather that?” she snapped.

Her friends traded looks.

“No!” she cried. “No,  _ don’t  _ even consider that!”

They rolled their eyes. All the bikinis they were buying had cheeky bottoms and triangle shaped tops. They were already turning into one of those girls who wore as little as she could when she had the chance.

“Fine. I guess this is good enough,” Angelica groaned.

The corner of Shelly’s lips tugged into a slight smile. “Perfect. Now get out so I can change,” she said.

The girls stepped out.

Closing the door, Holly asked, “Do you know if Kevin is going?”

Shelly tugged on a string at the back of her bikini. It slipped off her shoulders. She grabbed her bra hanging on the hook on the door. “I don’t know. I haven’t talked to him in a while,” she answered.

“How long is a while?” Monica questioned.

“Not since he got his new job two weeks ago.”

Angelica said, “Why aren’t you guys talking? Are you mad at him?”

Shelly laughed a single laugh as she put her shirt back on. She moved for the bikini bottom next. “No. He’s just been busy is all. We’re still friends.” She grabbed her skirt. “But he’s been kinda distant lately.”

“Do you know why?” Holly asked.

“No. I wish I did though.”

“When did it start?” Monica said.

“Not sure.”

Angie put in, “That sucks. You guys were close.”

Shelly opened the door, the swimsuits she had tried on draped over her arm. “Ready to check out?”

 

Shelly kneeled by the pond, holding the water gun under the water. It was warm. Stark’s Pond was only warm in the summer. Holly was talking up some boy, Monica was suntanning on a floatie, and Angelica was at the opposite side of the pond, filling up a water gun just like Shelly.

Once the bubbles stopped, Shelly capped the gun and ran over to Angie, screaming a war cry. Angie shrieked, aiming her half-full gun at Shelly.

“You think I’m scared of you?” she cackled. “Think again.” Shelly pulled the trigger, shooting Angie with a stream of water. She screamed and fought back.

Shelly got her in the ear, which made her yelp and shake the water from her ear. Shelly took advantage of the moment, snatching Angie’s gun from her hand while she was caught off guard. With two guns, Shelly held all the power where Angie had none. Eyes wide, she spun on her heel and ran from Shelly, screaming. Shelly chased after her around the water, firing the guns.

When Angie’s gun stopped shooting water, Shelly took her eyes off her target to inspect what was wrong. As her head was down, she ran into someone. She fell on her ass, the guns skidding across the grass. The person she crashed into had also fallen over. She grabbed her gun and aimed it at them.

The person sat up and Shelly squeezed the trigger. He swore, glaring at her, only for his face to soften. She still poised the gun, finger itching to pull the trigger again.

Brent Walker put his hands in the air. His curly blonde hair fell in his face. He didn’t live in South Park. He was from Middle Park, only in her town for the party. He wasn’t in any of her classes, but she still knew who he was. He was a troublemaker, having gotten suspended twice already. He threw a chair at a teacher. Twice. Some people never learn. But he was the type of boy her dad would hate.

“Put the gun down, Marsh,” he said slowly.

Shelly got to her feet, putting the toy gun to his forehead. “How do you know my name?” she asked darkly.

“How could I not? All the guys at school talk about you!” he said.

“Flattering. Now tell me why you let that outlaw Angie slip from my grasp. I was so close to finally catching her,” she growled.

Brent’s eyes flashed with confusion. He wasn’t known for his smarts. “Oh,” he said, finally understanding. “I’m sorry… Sheriff. I’m just a humble shopkeeper. I didn’t mean to intrude.”

The corner of Shelly’s mouth lifted in amusement. He chose to play along. “Get to your feet, man,” she ordered.

He stood slowly, hands still in the air. False fear danced in his gray eyes.

“Behind your head.”

His hands went behind his head. “I sincerely apologize, Sheriff. How can I make this up to you?” he asked.

“Can you put Angie in jail for me?”

“No…?”

“Then you tell me.”

“I could take you to the saloon, if you like. Buy you a drink.”

Perfect. He had fallen into her intricately spun web. She let her arm drop to her side. “Fine,” she said.

He grinned. “What can I get you then?”

“Sprite on the rocks,” she replied. She bit down a grin of her own.

“Right away.” Brent scurried off to get her Sprite. Boys were too easy.

She watched him walk over to the table that displayed all the drinks and snacks. Brent was tall and skinny. You wouldn’t think he was a problem child with his wide eyes and kind smile. But he was. The sun beat down on her skin.

He returned with a cup of her soda. “Anything else, Sheriff?” he asked.

She shot him in the chest. He gasped and doubled over, hand over his head. “How... could you?” he rasped as he fell to the ground.

Shelly laughed at his overly dramatic acting. It was fun, to say the least, if not weird. She took a sip from her cup. She sat down in the shallow water to cool her skin. Brent sat next to her.

“You’re pretty,” he said. “But I think you already know that.”

She smirked. “Maybe.”

He chuckled. “Oh, c’mon. You know you do. You know you can get any guy you want.”

“Maybe. What’re you gonna do about it?” She took another sip to make her point.

He tilted his head back, closing his eyes. His skin glowed golden in the sunlight. “Nothing. Especially if I get to be one of those guys,” he said. He peeked through his eyelids at her.

“What do you have to offer that the others haven’t?” she asked. She smiled deviously now.

“I can show you the wild side. As far as I’ve seen, you only seemed to go after the nerds this school year,” he observed.

“Deal.”

“Deal? What is this? A negotiation?”

“Is it not?”

“You’re a smart girl, Marsh.”

“That’s Sheriff Marsh to you.”


	20. Here We Go Again

Brent Walker was one of the two boys Shelly dated that summer. Each ended before sophomore year could start. She didn’t want to go into the school year attached to some lame guy. What was different about these two boys was that they were all specially picked out to her dad’s distaste. They were all troublemakers, all rude and dumb. Her dad was annoyed all summer, grumbling about the bad influences she associated with. Shelly only grinned in triumph.

It was crazy how willing boys were to date her. It was like the ones who went to middle school with her forgot entirely what she looked liked then. Who she was then. The ones who weren’t present at her worst only knew her as she was right then: A heartbreaker.

Strange as it was, she wasn’t considered slut. Maybe it was because she didn’t have sex with any of them. Sure, she kissed them, but that was as far as she dared. Hand-holding was fine, as was hugging, but she was careful about kisses. She hardly made out with any of them. Only two out of the seven.

_ Wow. Seven boyfriends, and I’m only fifteen. The longest I’ve stayed with one of them was three months. That can’t be good. _

Shelly sat at her desk, removing her chipped nail polish. The smell of rubbing alcohol filled her nose. Smearing the pink polish off her last nail, she faintly heard a knock at the front door. Someone opened it, presumably Stan or one of his friends. There was murmuring, then footsteps up the stairs. A soft knock at the door did little less than surprise her.

Shelly stood to open the door. Kevin stood opposite from her. She blinked in confusion. Kevin never knocked on her door. He always barged right in like he owned the place. She liked that. It reminded her that he was the closest friend she had since she’d grown apart from Lydia not long after befriending him.

But him  _ politely  _ knocking on her bedroom door, waiting for her to open it? It was unfamiliar. Strange. She already hated it. She hoped he wouldn’t do it again.

“Hey,” he said quietly. That was also strange. He was never  _ quiet  _ at her house. But now he was acting shy like he’d never been there before.

“Hi,” she replied.

He shifted from foot to foot at her doorway. Her skin crawled, desperately wanting to pull him into her room to break through the wall of awkwardness between them. First there was that wall of… hesitance? Tension? And now the wall of awkwardness. How much worse could it get?

“Can I come in?” he asked.

She frowned. Unable to form words that wouldn’t turn into shouting, she ground out, “Mhm.”

She plunked back down at her desk. He sat delicately on her bed. She grit her teeth. “How was work?” She didn’t mean for it to sound snappy. Or like they were an old married couple.

“Fun. It’s a lot better than delivering pizzas. Nick and Johnny are nice to me. Well, as nice as two middle aged men  _ can _ get,” he said.

She hummed a reply.

There was silence.

Finally, he said, “What about you? What’ve you been up to?”

She ignored his question. “We’re starting sophomore year tomorrow. You all set?”

Kevin sighed. Maybe because she ignored his question. Maybe because she asked about school. Maybe because he was fed up with her. She sincerely hoped not.

“Yeah. It’s just another year at school, isn’t it? What could change?”

He was right. Nothing would change. She would still date some low life boy while focusing on school, and he would work his ass off and pull all-nighters on homework so he could get into a good college. So he wouldn’t end up like his parents.

“You and your dad have been getting along?” she dared. He hadn’t come to her covered in bruises since the summer leaving eighth grade. Or maybe he stopped because he realized he didn’t need her. She  _ was  _ just a useless waste of space after all.

Kevin swallowed. She heard it from across the room. “Nah. I haven’t been home long enough. And even if I was, I would be spending the time studying. Not wasting it fighting him. Fighting my dad won’t get me anywhere in life. Hard work does.”

Shelly nodded. She didn’t say anything.

There was more smothering silence. Then she heard her bed creak. Footsteps followed. The woosh of the door opening. “See you, Shelly,” he whispered, so quiet, she almost didn’t catch it.

The door clicked as it shut.

She sat at her desk frozen for a moment. Before she was too late, she hurried to the window to watch Kevin leave her house with Kenny in tow. Her eyes followed them down the street until they disappeared behind a house blocking her view of the train tracks.

Shelly sunk to the floor, bringing her legs up to her chest. She wrapped her arms around her knees, burying her face. Tears began to slip down her cheeks. Her shoulders shook as she quietly sobbed on the floor under the window. What was happening? Why was she losing Kevin? What did she do? How could she fix it?


	21. A Change of Scenery

Kevin wasn’t sitting in their usual seat on the bus the next day. It was empty and cold. Shelly glanced around for him. She caught a glimpse of the top of his head at the back of the bus as she sunk into the seat. Her backpack slid off her shoulders as she placed it on the vacant space next to her.

Shelly leaned her head on the back of the seat in front of her, closing her eyes to hold back tears that threatened to spill over again.

Since they became friends in January two years ago, Kevin always sat in the middle right of the bus with her. Sometimes he’d sit at the window, sometimes he’d sit at the edge so she could crawl over him to take the window seat. Always when the bus took a turn, they would let gravity push one into the other. They didn’t bother moving apart. They were friends. They didn’t care. But now he wasn’t even sitting at the seat. She was alone again.

The drive to school was a blurry one. With her feet on campus, Shelly realized she didn’t know if she had any classes with Kevin. They didn’t compare schedules. Would it matter? Would he talk to her if they were in classes together? Would he even partner up with her if need be?

She found her locker and shoved her backpack into it. Because of their last names, Kevin was only a few lockers down from hers. Hers was at the top row while his was located on the bottom row.

He must’ve felt her staring around the edge of her locker door because he looked up. He met her eye only to snap back his locker. He shut it and hurried down the hall.

Shelly entertained the idea of following him to see where he went. But the tears were persistent. They peaked at her eyes. She ran to the nearest bathroom. People watched her as she did. She yanked a paper towel from the dispenser and scrubbed off the black paths running down her cheeks. Waterproof mascara was too difficult to take off. And it wasn’t like she cried often. Today was different, she supposed. She was spilling a waterfall out of her tear ducts. She swiped her eyes one last time before forcing herself to toughen up. School hadn’t even started yet, and she was already a mess.

 

Kevin pushed open the doors to where the dumpsters resided. It smelled back here, but it would mask the scent of cigarettes. He took his pack from his backpack, lighting one up. He held it to his lips and took a deep breath in. He leaned his back against the wall behind him.

“Fuck,” he muttered. Never before had he run from Shelly. But he did today. He must’ve made history or something.

“Fuck what?”

The voice startled him. He peered around the dumpster. A girl his age with dyed blonde hair and a cigarette between her fingers stared at him. She lifted a pierced eyebrow at him. Her brown eyes bored into his expectantly.

“Um… Just having some, uh, issues,” he said.

She took a puff, running her eyes over him. “Girl problems, you mean?” Smoke rose into the air from her mouth.

He blushed. He shuffled out of his corner to see her better.  She wore ripped jeans and combat boots. “Yeah,” he admitted.

“What kind? She cheat on you? Dating someone else?” Her voice dropped to a stage-whisper. “Friend zone?” she hissed.

He lowered to his knees to be eye level with her. “I dunno. I’m not entirely sure.” He put the cigarette to his lips. Bitter smoke filled his mouth.

“We got”—she checked her watch—“five minutes. So spill,” she said.

Kevin sighed through his nose. Smoke unfurled from his nostrils. He hadn’t had a cigarette since he ran into the woods when he discovered how he felt about Shelly, shockingly enough. That seemed like forever ago. Another lifetime.

“I’m friends with this girl. We’ve been friends since seventh grade. Lately, she’s been going around breaking hearts. Normally, I wouldn’t care but… I like her. I don’t know how it happened, but it’s there. I’ve watched her pick up and drop off multiple dickheads lately. I get… jealous. I hate it.” He took a big breath from his cig.

The girl hummed, tapping off ashes on her knee. They fluttered to the ground beside her shoe. “Is this girl, perhaps, Shelly Marsh?”

His eyes snapped up to meet hers. She shot him a thin smile. “You don’t honestly think people in this school don’t know about your friendship with her? She’s the school heartbreaker hottie. You’re the weird friend who follows her around. You know, I know a buncha guys who wanna be your friend. Just so they can get closer to Shelly”— she pointed her cigarette at him—“through you,” she added. She took a breath. “I’d do it too. But I’m not into girls, shocking as it may seem.”

He deadpanned, “So you know my name.” Statement, not a question.

She gave him a tight-lipped smile around her cigarette. “Kevin McCormick. You’re just as famous as Princess Shelly herself.” She dipped her head in a mock bow. “Your Highness is what I should be calling you, Your Highness,” she joked.

He scoffed, “I’m anything but royalty.”

She tipped her head. “You’re right. You’re more of the peasant boy who falls in love with the princess. Like in  _ Aladdin,”  _ she remarked.

Kevin blushed again. “I’m not in love with her,” he muttered.

“Whatever.” She blew smoke in his face. Her figure turned foggy.

“You know my name, I wanna know yours,” he demanded.

“Chrissy Hale. Pleasure to make your acquaintance, Your Highness.”

Overhead, the PAs blared the earsplitting warning bell. Kevin stood, expecting Chrissy to stand with him. Then he remembered she wasn’t Shelly. She probably didn’t care if she was late to class. He dropped his cigarette, crushing it underfoot.

“I like being fashionably late.” She smiled at him again. “Meet me here at lunch. See you soon, McCormick.”

Kevin walked through the doors to his first period History class.

 

Kevin successfully avoided Shelly all day. In PE, he caught a glimpse of her. She was hunched into herself, arms crossed. Her face was pale, her eyes lined with smudged black. Like she’d been crying tears of mascara. It made his stomach churn. He found out they shared three classes: PE, English, Algebra 2.

At lunch, Kevin met up with Chrissy. She alternated between eating her apple and smoking her cigarette. “So tell me, what do you think your situation with the Princess Shelly is?” she asked. The apple crunched between her teeth.

“I told you, I don’t know. I can’t tell if it’s friend zone or what,” he said. He picked at a rock on the ground.

“The friend zone has multiple levels. There’s subtle, mediocre, and extreme. Usually, stories of friend zone happen with guys falling for some girl like in your case, but it can happen to us ladies too. I was in the extreme friend zone. I liked this guy last year. We’d been friends since elementary. I told him I liked him. He said he liked me as a friend. He apologized for not reciprocating. We grew apart,” she explained. She looked at him. “So what do you think?”

Kevin shrugged. “Friend zone, maybe. Mediocre.” He bit into his burger. It was the first time he’d bought school lunch. He liked Shelly’s sandwiches better. He bit down on his tongue. He wished he’d stop thinking about her.

It was like Chrissy read his mind. “Just forget about her. It’ll hurt. Sting for a while. But you’ll eventually get over her. Dating other people could help. You date any other girls before?” She sipped from her cigarette.

Kevin chuckled nervously. He scratched the back of his neck. “Uh, no. I’ve never really been attracted to anyone,” he said.

“Aside from Shelly.”

“Aside from Shelly,” he repeated, mumbling around a blush.

“So date someone.” Chrissy bit her apple.

Kevin snorted. “What about you?” he said with an amused smile.

“What about me?” She stared back.

“Since you’re so insistent that I date someone to forget about her, why don’t you take up the job?”

Chrissy threw her head back laughing. “Kevin McCormick. I don’t think you can handle me.”

“How do  _ you _ know that?”

“You’ve never dated anyone else. And to be honest, that surprises me. Girls usually  _ love  _ mysterious boys. You fit the description perfectly,” she said.

“They’re turned off by the fact that I can’t buy them diamonds.”

“True. And sure—I’ll do it,” she said.

“You’ll date  _ me? _ ” He was surprised. He’d been joking, but he supposed there was truth behind it. She did have a good point after all. If he got over Shelly, maybe their friendship could be salvaged.

Chrissy shrugged. “You’re good-looking. Smart. Why not?”

For one, he wasn’t smart. For two, he didn’t imagine to start dating someone so casually and without fluster. “Okay. Cool. So… meet me at…” He bit his lip. He  _ really  _ wasn’t good at this.

“Tweek Bros. See you at eight, McCormick.” She stood to stomp out her cigarette and toss her scraps into the dumpster. Then she bent down and kissed his mouth. She walked away.

He didn’t imagine his first kiss to turn out like that either.


	22. Faster Than a Bullet

Kevin McCormick didn’t expect to get himself a girlfriend on the first day of sophomore year. He didn’t expect for that girlfriend to be someone he met just that morning. The weird thing was that Chrissy Hale knew who he was, but he didn’t know she existed until he went out for a smoke.

He walked home after he got off the bus. He sat in the back like he did that morning. He did his best to ignore it when Shelly sat at the seat they usually shared. But things lately had been unusual. His front door was unlocked as always. He went to his room to do his homework.

It was quick and easy since it was only the first day. He sat on his bed, wondering what he should do in the meantime.

 

Shelly Marsh didn’t expect sophomore year to start off so dramatic on the first day of school. Her day was horrible. After she left the bathroom, her friends found her and asked what was wrong. She refused to tell them, simply because she didn’t know herself.

She couldn’t ask Kevin why he was being distant, even if they shared three classes. He sat on the opposite side of the classroom from her and joined groups in PE that weren’t hers. And here she was thinking all the drama happened in junior and senior year.

_ I guess it can happen in any year at any time. _

When she walked down the hallway after the last bell rang, she’d heard the same thing whispered about her all day. Shelly Marsh went from middle school peasant to high school queen. Girls wanted to be her, guys wanted to be with her. But she didn’t feel like dating. She only had time for school and babysitting and her friends.

 

Tweek Bros was at a calm hour. People getting back from work had already passed by. Chrissy was sitting at a booth by the window. Her eyes landed on Kevin when he walked in. She grinned.

“So,” she said as he sat down opposite from her, “I was thinking we could sneak into the bar and get some of the good drinks.”

“Bar? What?” he asked.

“You drink, right? I know how to get into the bar unnoticed and grab a few bottles. I do it all the time. I’ll show you,” she said.

“Okay.”

They talked and ordered a coffee to share for the time being. He found out Chrissy lived with her dad. Her mom died of a drug overdose when she was eleven. Her dad grew depressed with grief. She was on her own. In a way, he could understand that. His dad drank away his problems, never being that father figure he wanted for him and his siblings.

At nine o’clock, they left Tweek Bros and walked to Skeeter’s Wine Bar down the street. Kevin followed Chrissy around the back. Chrissy gestured to the back door. “This is always unlocked. Stay out here,” she murmured.

She opened the door and slipped in. He waited as she told him. It was a warm night. Clouds scattered the navy blue sky. Chrissy closed the door behind her. She held up the bottle of rum with a grin. “C’mon,” she hissed. She took him away from Skeeter’s, hiding the bottle between her jacket and body.

He had no idea where she was taking him. Restaurants and stores turned to abandoned buildings. He’d never been to this part of town. Chrissy picked a lock to one of the buildings with a pin she took from her hair. It looked like an old store, with empty aisles and tiled floors. He followed her to the back, where a ladder led up to a door in the ceiling. They scaled it. It opened up to the roof, overlooking the street and buildings around it.

Chrissy sat down, uncorking the bottle. Kevin sat beside her. He asked, “How did you know about this place?”

“I’ve got a lot of time on my hands. I take the bus from Middle Park to here. Your town may be small, but it’s interesting. And there are a lot less adults who look down at you,” she said. She handed him the bottle. He took a swig.

“Is that why I’ve never seen you around here?”

“Yep.”

“Hm.”

They traded the bottle back and forth until it was half empty. Kevin was a little more than buzzed. Chrissy’s tolerance level wasn’t as high as his so she was talking in slurs already.

“Have you ever kissed a girl?” she asked.

He chuckled, watching her sway a bit. “Not until this morning, no.”

She smirked. “Let me show you,” she said. She threw a leg over his lap, straddling him. He could smell the alcohol on her breath. Her hands cradled his chin, fingers sliding up and down his jaw.

She continued, “It’s easy. All you have to do his pucker up or open your mouth when you feel a tongue prod at you. As for your hands—” She took his wrists and placed his hands on the back of her upper thighs.

She hummed, rolling her head back with her eyes closed. “Perfect,” she breathed.

He couldn’t tell if she was exposing her neck to him on purpose or not. Either way, he put his lips there, kissing up. He pulled her closer. She moaned when he nipped behind her ear.

“You sure you haven’t done this before?” she asked.

“I’m sure,” he assured, lips brushing her neck.

“All right.” She dipped her head, kissing him deeply. Her tongue prodded at his lips, so he parted his mouth like she’d instructed. Her arms snaked around his shoulders, folding around his neck. His hands ran over the seat of her jeans.

The closeness of her body and the taste of rum on her tongue made his head spin. Everything slipped from his mind, making him focus only on Chrissy in his lap. And he forgot all about Shelly.


	23. The Unexpected Always Happens

Months passed. August faded into December soon enough. Shelly’s birthday in November was bland. She didn’t bother with a Sweet Sixteen. It was pointless. She invited her friends, save for Kevin. They hadn’t spoken since he came over to her house to pick up Kenny that one time. Still, she looked out for him, glancing at him when she could in class. She noticed the hickeys on his neck. She wondered who was making them.

Sixteen was no different from fifteen. It was just another year, marking her older than before. Holiday break approached soon enough. It was the last week before. She was at her locker putting her stuff away before lunch. She watched Kevin walk up to his out of the corner of her eye. He twisted in his combination and looked for something within his locker. On the left side of his neck were three visible hickeys. They were all different sizes in different places. One behind his ear, one right in the center, and one peeking just above the collar of his jacket. It was the jacket she bought him for his fifteenth birthday. The knot in her stomach lessened to know he still wore it. He finally found whatever he was looking for and slammed the door closed and turned down the hall.

Without thinking, she closed her locker as quietly as she could and followed him. Never before had she had to sneak around to go where Kevin was going. But now she did.

He went outside, where the dumpsters were. As he did, he took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. There was a lighter in his other hand. When he reached for the door, she momentarily went into the girls’ bathroom. So he was smoking. That’s what he did.

She left the bathroom and went into the quad. Through the quad, she could glance around the science building. The dumpsters could be accessed from there too. Kevin sat next to a blonde girl. Cigarettes hung from both their lips. They were talking, but she couldn’t hear their conversation. Kevin took his cigarette out of his mouth to kiss the girl’s cheek.

She jerked in surprise. She’d had her suspicions he was gay, silly as they were, since as far as she knew, he’d never had a girlfriend. Turned out he wasn’t. Shelly returned to her friends waiting for her. She didn’t recognize the girl, but if Kevin was happy, so be it.

“Where have you been?” Monica asked. Her boyfriend, Casey, had his arm around her.

“Bathroom,” Shelly lied.

“Ready to get lunch?” Angie said.

They all stood and walked into the cafeteria. At the line, Shelly got a simple burger and an apple she wouldn’t eat. She only got it because it was required. She had a thermos of water in her locker. There was no use wasting money on milk she wouldn’t drink. At their table, she sat down and drowned her burger in ketchup.

“Did you hear about Kevin’s girlfriend?” Holly asked as she lowered herself onto the bench.

“Yeah. What’s her name?” Shelly's voice was nonchalant, indifferent.

Casey sat beside Monica across from Shelly. “Chrissy Hale. She ditches class all the time to drink or smoke or get high. She’s one of those kids,” he explained.

“I heard she went to jail for a little while for shoplifting. Her dad had to bail her out,” Monica added.

“Shell, you’re makeup’s a mess.” Angie swiped a thumb under Shelly’s eye. She flinched away.

“It’s not a mess. I’m just experimenting with some things,” she snapped. Her eyeliner was dark and stylishly smudged under her eyes, or so she thought. She had her usual mascara and lip gloss on. It was only the eyeliner that was new. Her makeup  _ would  _ be a mess if she attempted foundation or something like that. She preferred to keep her face clear of that to prevent acne. Her face was clear for once, and she wanted to keep it that way for as long as she could.

“It looks like you’ve been sucking dick for twenty minutes.”

Everyone at the table to looked up at Scott Tenorman, a senior, passing by. He smirked at her, brown eyes glinting in the lights above. Shelly flushed, hands trembling fists on the tabletop.

Scott winked at her. “I wouldn’t mind if it was  _ you  _ sucking my dick for twenty minutes.”

Fed up, Shelly grabbed for Angie’s milk and hurled it at Scott’s head. It spattered over him, staining his black shirt and jeans. Milk dripped from his red curls. She burst out laughing and her friends snickered at his shocked expression.

Unbeknownst to her, the vice principal had been standing by.

 

“He was sexually harassing me!” Shelly cried.

She sat in front of the vice principal’s desk, arms crossed defiantly. Scott Tenorman sat in the chair two feet away from hers. He drummed his fingers on the wooden arm, looking exasperated.

“I understand, Miss Marsh, but you’re still getting detention for two days,” the vice principal said.

Shelly clutched her shirt in her fists, staring down at her lap. She’d  _ never  _ gotten detention before. She was scared of it. Would it affect which college she’d get into? She swallowed back tears.

“You start today and again tomorrow. That’s it.” Mr. Lankins turned to Scott. “As for you, Tenorman, you’re always getting into trouble. You get detention this whole week.”

Scott’s jaw dropped. He threw his hands up in the air. “What the fuck? Why?”

“You were sent to my office twice this week. Now this. A week, Tenorman. No further discussion. You two may leave. I expect to see you  _ both _ in detention in the library right after school,” Mr. Lankins said.

Shelly shot up from her seat, exploding from the vice principal’s office. She was flushed in shame. Fourth period was just starting. Maybe she could slip in unnoticed. Footsteps from behind her matched her pace.

“Hey, Marsh,” Scott called.

Rolling her eyes, she ignored him and walked into the Algebra 2 classroom. Kids looked up from the teacher’s PowerPoint to her. Her cheeks reddened. Especially when she felt Kevin’s eyes on her.

 

Detention. In the library for an hour. All it was was sitting at one of the tables doing your homework for one half, and reorganizing the books for the other. Shelly’s homework was easy. She finished it before the time was up. She stood from her chair and began slotting books in their designated shelves the way the idiot librarian showed them. Maybe if she finished her share she could go home early.

Shelly was honestly surprised when Scott Tenorman showed up not long after she did. She almost expected him to ditch. Now he sat at a table, supposedly doing his homework. But she caught his eyes on her when she turned to pick up another stack of books. She blushed under his gaze.

“What are you staring at, turd?” she growled when she was turned around again. She slid one of the  _ Harry Potter  _ books next to the others.

“You, Marsh. What else? You’re the best looking thing in this room aside from me,” he said.

Shelly scoffed.

A chair scraped against the floor. Footsteps followed. Scott’s voice was in her ear. “What’s wrong? You too scared to say something?”

She bristled. Through gritted teeth, she said, “Why would I be scared of you?” She relaxed her jaw, turning to face him. Their noses were an inch apart. She smiled. “After all, didn’t a kid five years younger than you outsmart you and kill your parents?” She bat her eyelashes with a tilted head.

Scott paled. He backed up a few steps. His recovery was a quick one. “Eric Cartman was an idiot. He killed his dad and he didn’t even know it.”

Shelly put in the remaining books in her arms. Scott moved to do the same. He was tall. Skinny too. Dark bags lined his eyes. And here he was making fun of her eyeliner. Otherwise, he looked the same.

“Eric Cartman was nine when he managed to chop your parents up into chili and make you look like a loser in front of Radiohead. Why would I be scared of you if you broke down crying when it happened? When little Eric laughed at you and licked up your tears? I should be scared of him. But I’m not.” She jabbed a finger in his chest. “I know  _ you _ are, Scott Tenorman. And he’s your half-brother.”

Scott stumbled even more, tripping over the leg of a chair, falling to the floor. He was visibly hurt by her words. How lame. He let a sophomore into his head so easily. But Shelly had a way with getting to people. She was good at making them unsettled and scared.

She sneered at him as she kneeled by his side. She got as close to him as he had been to her. Her fingers splayed on his chest almost coyly. She hissed into the shell of his ear, “I’m not scared of you, turd.”


	24. Time and Time Again

Detention the next day wasn’t full of vile scowls and painful words that poured salt into gaping wounds the way it was the previous day. Shelly finished up her homework and started on filing away the books. Scott stayed at his table, flipping through his math textbook. She noticed how he stared with dogged focus at his books. He was really struggling to not look up at her. It was amusing.

Scott was mentally unstable. After being traumatized, he turned into someone else entirely. But he was still the same dickhead as he’d been when he was in ninth grade. It was almost scary how similar they used to be. They both took advantage of little kids to make themselves feel better. She was disgusted that she had anything in common with him, and that she used to bully little kids.

Her bangs fell into her eyes when she shook her head. She wasn’t that person anymore.

The following days at school, she found herself glancing at Scott Tenorman in the cafeteria. He still had his friends, was still considered Head Ginger, but he radiated insanity that kept his friends a short distance from him. It intrigued her. She let the looks carry on until they left for holiday break.

 

The two week break from school was drab and boring. Shelly spent most of it wondering what she did wrong with Kevin. To her understanding, things just got uncomfortable between them. He kept drifting away from her. And now they were separated at sea.

She was out shopping with her mom a week before Christmas. She had to get Stan something. The best thing she could think of was a T-shirt with a dog on it. Stan loved animals and bugs of all kinds. Except snakes. He was strictly against snakes.

She stared down at the cart and the stuff it held when her mom said, “Are you going to get Kevin anything?”

Shelly bit her lip. She always got something for him during Christmas. Should she get him something? Or should she just leave it be?

“No,” she mumbled.

Sharon stared at her daughter for a minute. “Is everything okay between you two? He hasn’t been over lately,” she said just as softly.

Shelly turned her face so her mom wouldn’t have to see her eyes well with tears. She could only shrug in reply. A hand was laid between her shoulder blades, moving back and forth slowly. The weight was lifted. Fingers ran through her hair. Her mom’s lips brushed her forehead.

“It’s okay, sweetie,” she whispered.

Meanwhile, Kevin sat on the couch at Chrissy’s house. He laid on his back, watching the movie playing on the TV. Chrissy had her head on his stomach. His fingers were twisted in her hair.

For Christmas, he’d already gotten Kenny and Karen their presents. He was still wondering if what he got Chrissy was good enough. She had a collection of pins. He was thinking he could find her a pack of ones she didn’t have. She already had ones of foods, characters from movies and shows, weird things, pins from other countries. He couldn’t think of what she might not have. She seemingly had them all.

After work one day, he went to the supermarket to pick up something for his siblings to eat. At the register, he saw a pack of pins. It was a variety of cigarettes, joints, beer bottles and wine glasses. He bought it. He hoped she’d like it.

Then Christmas day came. It was spent in two different emotions. Shelly tried to smile through the absence of Kevin. She understood the phrase “fake it till you make it,” but it just wasn’t working for her. Her parents got her everything she asked for, which wasn’t much. Stan got her leather and bead bracelets. She put them on as soon as she opened it.

Her family members sensed her sadness. Stan stayed close to her, patting her knee. He was a good little brother. She wished she hadn’t treated him like the turd of the Earth. Because he wasn’t. He was a sweet kid. She was so blinded by her anger that she couldn’t see it.

Kevin was ecstatic. He didn’t need to fake it like Shelly. He was genuinely happy. His siblings made the best of what they could for Christmas. Even with a shrub of a Christmas tree like in _Charlie Brown_ , they were all still grateful to have each other.

Because of the money he was making working at Johnny’s, he had enough to buy his siblings quality gifts. He got Kenny the pink Converse he’d been looking at whenever they went into the thrift store. They looked brand new and were just his size, if not a bit big so he could grow into them. He bought it when Kenny wasn’t looking. Kevin got Karen a pastel purple dress she’d been wanting. Purple was her new favorite color. She even had Tricia dye the ends of her hair lilac.

At night, Kevin went over to Chrissy’s to trade gifts with her. Her dad was out at a Christmas party. She had the house to herself. Kevin knew what that meant. His skin was already electrified with the thought of being alone with Chrissy.

He gave her the pins, wrapped as nice and neatly as he could. When she tore back the wrapping paper, she gawked at her gift. Then she tackled Kevin, smothering him in heated kisses.

They ended up fucking right there on the floor under the Christmas tree. He didn’t need a Christmas present when he had Chrissy Hale.

 

The week back from break in January was a slow one. At lunch that Friday, Shelly risked a glimpse at Scott Tenorman as she chewed the food in her mouth. Much to her displeasure, he felt her eyes and met her gaze. Blushing, she stared down at her plate and swallowed her food. Her luck wasn’t agreeing with her. Scott slapped a hand down on the table in front of her plate.

She didn’t flinch, instead tipping her head up to glare at him. “What?” she snapped. She said it like she didn’t have a firetruck red blush on her cheeks.

He grinned mischievously before dipping his head. And he kissed her. He kissed her right there in front of her friends. In front of her classmates. In front of strangers eating and teachers supervising. She didn’t know what overcame her when she allowed herself to wrap her arms around his neck to pull him closer. Maybe she was crazy.

Scott put his hands on the small of her back. Tilting his head, he deepened the kiss. She parted her lips, desperate for something. Anything. He smiled against her mouth, tongue caressing hers. Her stomach flipped. Her heart pounded.

She was definitely crazy.


	25. Under My Skin

It was the middle of February. Valentine’s Day was four days ago. It was snowing outside the windows. Kevin had a five minute break between Chemistry and English. He went through his locker, throwing out broken pencils and scraps of paper. Two junior girls were passing by, gossiping in that way all girls do.

“Yeah! I heard that too!”

“I still can’t believe Shelly’s dating a senior!”

Hearing Shelly’s name brought back a flood of emotions for her he’d locked away. Emotions that were still very alive, just buried. And now they were resurfacing, bubbling over like an erupting volcano. He strained his ears to listen. One of the girls stopped at her locker, continuing to talk to her ginger friend: “I mean, he’s not the  _ greatest  _ senior, but I guess I could see how he’s appealing.”

_ Who is? Who is the senior? _ he wanted to ask.

“Yeah. Scott’s still unstable. I don’t know how she maintains him,” said the ginger girl.

_ Scott? Who the fuck is Scott? _

The familiar burn of jealousy grew hot in his chest. He didn’t know any seniors named Scott.

“I can’t believe they’ve been dating for almost two months now. That’s, like, the longest she’s ever been in a relationship.”

“Totally. Guess what I heard?”

“What?”

The ginger lowered her voice. He had clear his mind to catch her words: “I heard she lost her virginity to him last Friday!”

Kevin’s ears grew as hot as the jealousy coursing through his blood. His teeth ground together. He slammed the locker door shut. The noise startled everyone in the hall. The two gossiping juniors stared at him with wide eyes. He stalked down the hallway to English. His ears buzzed. The corners of his vision went blurry. He couldn’t tell if he was crying or if the envy was taking over. His cheeks weren’t wet, so he dismissed the former. The latter was what he worried about.

He sat at his desk with a hefty thunk. Across the classroom, he glanced at Shelly’s desk. It was empty. He opened his binder and tried to focus on the worksheet in front of him. More kids entered the class, all of them talking. Finally, he heard the voice of someone familiar.

He looked up from the worksheet he was barely paying attention to. Shelly was talking with Monica. She didn’t seem any different. Was she supposed to? Her hair was up in its usual space buns, as she called it, still brown with streaks of silver. Her clothes still had a tint of pink. She was still 5'6. She was still beautiful. Her eyes, her lips, her nose. Everything was as he remembered.

So what if she had sex? He’d had sex multiple times. Why should he care? It’s her life.

Maybe it’s the fact that he didn’t know a Scott who was a senior. Maybe because this Scott was a senior. Two years older than her. But she  _ did  _ promise him she’d only date someone two years older than her. A senior was usually two years older than a sophomore.

But he remembered what she’d told him about her first boyfriend, Skyler. He was in high school, even if he was twenty-two. She’d told Kevin that he tried to make her have sex with him, but she wisely refused. He wondered if she agreed to having sex with this Scott. If she did, he didn’t care. It was her decision. But if she didn’t agree, he’d find this Scott and beat his ass to a pulp.

 

After work, Kevin went straight home. Kenny had verified with him that him and Karen got home safely. Kevin’s phone pinged. He took it from his pocket and stared down at it for a while. It was the phone Shelly gave to him all those years ago. Even if they hadn’t been as close lately, she didn’t ask for it back. He was positive she would.

It was a text from Kenny saying he was at his friend Cartman’s house. Karen was with Ike and Tricia. In the text, Kenny insisted he come over to Cartman’s. Apparently his mom was cooking a huge meal like she always did every night and he might as well tag along.

Luckily, Eric Cartman’s house was just on the path he took heading home. The house was green, strangely and uniquely colored like all the houses up and down the street. He knocked on the front door. Shelly’s brother, Stan, answered. Kevin caught the slight frown on his face when he saw him. Stan stepped aside to let Kevin in. Kenny was sitting on the floor beside Kyle. Eric and Butters sat on the couch, Xbox controllers in their hands. They were all in seventh grade. Kevin couldn’t believe it. To him, they were all still little troublemaking fourth graders.

Kevin sat on the arm of the couch. He could smell Ms. Cartman—soon to be Mrs. Donovan—cooking in the kitchen. There was murmuring coming from there too. Kevin guessed it was Mr. Donovan. Kenny had told him that the Cartmans and Donovans alternated between which house to sleep in. Apparently, they were trying to decide which house to move into. Kenny had whispered to him that Ms. Cartman was leaning towards the Donovan house because it was significantly bigger than her house. Eric didn't know about that detail.

Kevin shook Kenny’s shoulder. His blonde little brother looked up at him. All the McCormick kids shared violet eyes. “Do you happen to know a kid named Scott who’s in senior year?” he asked. His brother knew a lot of people due to all the trouble him and his friends got into.

All five seventh graders stopped what they were doing to stare at him with wide eyes. Eric growled. Butters put a hand on his arm to calm him. Eric said, “We do. Scott Tenorman. He’s a senior. Does he have curly red hair and freckles kinda like Kyle?” Kevin nodded. Eric’s sneer deepened. “Yep. That’s him.”

“You know him?” Kevin wondered.

Kyle said, “Scott Tenorman is Cartman’s half-brother.”

Kevin turned back to the fat boy. “You have a half-brother  _ and  _ a stepbrother?”

“Complicated, I know,” he grumbled. He turned back to the TV. “Why?”

Kevin met Stan’s eye and wondered if he knew. Not taking his eyes off the Marsh boy, he told them, “Um… Shelly’s dating him.”

His response was an instant, “What?!” Stan looked the most shocked. Eric was the most disgusted. Kevin understood both their reactions.

“I heard a rumor going around,” he said.

“That sucks, dude. Sorry, Stan,” Kyle winced.

“That’s fucked up,” Kenny said.

“I think I’m gonna throw up,” Stan whimpered.

“We need to break them up,” Eric snapped.

Kevin saw the way Butters tightened his grip on Eric’s arm. Eric met his eyes. “If she’s happy, Eric, leave them be,” he said softly.

Eric huffed at the words. He rolled his shoulders, facing the screen once more. The words Butters spoke floated in front of Kevin’s eyes. He was right. If they  _ were  _ happy, then he should try to be happy for them. After all, he had a girlfriend of his own. They’d been dating for seven months. Shelly’s relationships shouldn’t matter to him.

But they did. And it got under his skin how she was willing to date anyone except him. All he wanted was her. Why couldn’t she see that?

His heart ached. Like someone was slowly adding more weight to the bricks balancing on his heart. He really shouldn’t be dating someone he didn’t feel strongly about. He was torturing himself and Chrissy. He was holding her back from finding someone who genuinely cared about her. But he cared about her, just not the way he cared for Shelly. He used Chrissy the way he used alcohol—to numb the pain.


	26. I Wish

Stan knocked on his sister’s door. She was probably finishing her homework so she wouldn’t have to do it over the weekend. She didn’t procrastinate like he did.

“Come in!” she yelled.

He twisted the doorknob, pushing open the door. “Hey, Shelly?”

“What?” Shelly was, in fact, sitting at her desk doing her homework. A thick math textbook was at her left elbow, a paper and pencil by her right.

He sat on her bed. “Do you have a boyfriend?” he asked, trying to sound innocent. He traced circles in her pink comforter. Her room smelled like flowers. It was weird.

“Why?” Her pencil scratched against her paper.

“Just wondering. I heard you had one, so I wanted to make sure it was true,” he said.

Shelly looked up at him. “Well, you heard right.”

Stan scratched his hair under his hat. He was sweating. He swallowed the lump in his throat. “What’s his name?”

She turned back to her homework. “Scott.”

“Is he really a senior?”

“Mhm.”

“Does he have red hair and freckles?”

“Yeah.”

“Is his last name Tenorman?”

“Yep.”

Stan felt the blood drain from his face again. Since Kevin had spilled the news to them on Wednesday, he’d been losing sleep over the matter. What if his sister  _ loved  _ Scott Tenorman? Would they get married? He didn’t want to be Scott Tenorman’s brother-in-law. That’d be gross, dude.

He fell back on her bed. Her room was nicer than his. Maybe because hers wasn’t such a mess. Her walls were speckled with posters. Some of her favorite singers (she got over Lorde pretty quickly), some of Marvel movies. Shelly was a nerd for superhero movies. Her favorite was  _ Guardians of the Galaxy.  _ She was one of those people who cried in the theater at the end of  _ Infinity War. _

“Do you love him?” he asked.

“Who?”

“Scott.”

Shelly sighed. He glanced at her. She was rubbing the heel of her palm over her eye. Probably smudging her makeup. “I don’t know, Stan,” she answered. “I’ve never been  _ in love.  _ I don’t know what it’s supposed to feel like.”

“Me neither. But I think it feels different for each person. Like, I love Wendy, but I don’t wanna be with her right now. I guess it’s because I wanna see if I really  _ am  _ in love with her,” he said.

“You’re a smart kid, Stan,” Shelly said.

“You are too.”

 

Father Maxi droned on about the Bible and whatnot. Kevin did his best to try to listen, but his eyes kept wandering across the church to where Shelly was sitting. She was paying attention. It was weird. In class, they sat across the room from each other, and now in church it was the same.

Kevin remembered when he used to think Shelly was that scary girl from church whose brother was friends with Kenny. Then she turned into that girl who was the only one who wasn’t disgusted that he was poor. Then she was his friend. Then she was his crush. Now he didn’t know what category she fit into. Were they still friends? They hadn’t talked for seven months. No texts, no calls, no conversations, not even any glances. And he still liked her, but he had a girlfriend.

Giving up on trying to do it in secret, Kevin stared at the back of Shelly’s head. Her brown hair was up in a ponytail. She wore a simple pink dress. He so desperately wanted her to turn her head to he could see her face. He felt like he hadn’t properly looked at her in forever.

After church, Kevin tried to catch Shelly on her way out. He saw her dress, but a flood of people blocked his view. When the crowd parted, she disappeared. He swore under his breath, but really, why was he even going after her? What was he planning on saying? He’d probably get tongue tied and make a fool of himself. He really was stupid sometimes.

Back home, he was alone. His mom was working. His siblings were with their friends. His dad was at the bar. Kevin rolled his eyes, scoffing to himself. His dad really had nothing better to do aside from drink and do drugs. It was pathetic.

Kevin’s bed was uncomfortable, but he was used to it. He’d slept on it since he was a little kid. He sighed. He wished he was still a little kid. Things were less complicated then. Now his life was a jumble of emotions. There was nothing worse than that.

Kevin went to the kitchen and cracked open one of his dad’s lukewarm beers. He sat on the couch and sipped it until it was gone. Then he went back for another.

Nighttime approached quickly. His siblings were still away. And for the best. His mom came home first, bone-tired. His dad followed an hour later, muttering about his useless wife and stupid kids. Kevin hated it when his dad muttered. It got on his nerves, making his skin prickle when he was sober. When he was drunk, it floated into his ear and into his veins, igniting his blood, making him do things he always regretted later.

So after throwing an empty beer bottle at his dad while his mom tried to pull them apart, he stormed out of the house. He ran into the woods with a bloody nose and bruised jaw. His knuckles were bleeding too. It wasn’t often when he bled, but tonight he did. And he had no one to go to. Chrissy was all the way in Middle Town. And in the months they’d been together, he’d never showed up a beaten mess. He usually went to Shelly for that crap.

_ Shelly. _

Kevin sat down heavily on a tree trunk, holding his head in his hands. The biting cold wind blew through his T-shirt. He regretted not bringing his jacket. Shivers ran up and down his spine. He could already feel a pounding headache coming on. His eyes started leaking. He was an even bigger mess drunk than sober. His shoulders shook. He was pathetic.

He wished he could limp to Shelly’s warm house. She’d open the door with a sad frown. She’d scold him about drinking and fighting as she iced his bruises and smeared Neosporin on his wounds with delicate fingers. She’d offer to help him shower because he smelled. He’d decline and do it himself. He’d get into clean clothes that smelled faintly like laundry detergent. Shelly would let him lay on her bed so he could fall asleep.

But he couldn’t, not tonight, maybe not ever. He had a girlfriend. He couldn’t be sleeping in other girls’ beds. Even if that other girl was his best friend. His best friend that he liked more than his girlfriend. And Shelly had a boyfriend. A mentally deranged senior whose half-brother is Eric Cartman. He was probably already in her bed, holding her close in a way he couldn’t.

He despised it. He despised how he wanted something he couldn’t have.


	27. March Madness

Kevin’s sixteenth birthday was exactly a month away. He didn’t want anything special to happen that day. He hated how he’d been born anyway. What was the point of celebrating a life he didn’t want to live? He wasn’t suicidal or anything, not even passively. He just wished he wasn’t put into this life. It sucked.

He and Chrissy decided to skip school that day. It was Tuesday and their parents wouldn’t care. Smoke curled from the lit cigarette he held outside the window of his dad’s truck. It was piece of junk, but it ran, so it wasn’t useless.

Chrissy held a joint between her puckered lips. The truck smelled like weed and nicotine. Fumes from bitter alcohol mixed in with the tainted air. They were parked at the top of the hill that overlooked the entirety of South Park. It really put in perspective how tiny the town was. School was about to be let out in five minutes. They’d leave then, so it wouldn’t be suspicious.

When Chrissy had suggested the idea of ditching, she only glanced at his bruised jaw. She didn’t mention his purple knuckles either. She just took his hand and carried on like nothing was wrong.

Now here they were, sitting in his dad’s truck with cigarettes, weed, and vodka. The radio played faintly in the background. Kevin liked country music. Strange as it was, it sounded good to him. Chrissy always rolled her eyes and changed the channel whenever it came on, so they found a middle ground of keeping it just above a murmur. While Shelly was all about pop music, she tolerated other genres like country or hip-hop. Chrissy was strictly Panic! At The Disco and Fall Out Boy. Kevin hated how he always found himself comparing Chrissy to Shelly. They were different people with different tastes. It wasn’t right for him to ridicule one for not being like the other.

Kevin sighed. Smoke billowed into the air. Everything was foggy. Chrissy shifted in her seat. She had her head out the window, feeling the cold air on her cheeks. Her blonde hair flitted in the breeze filtering through. He heard her inhale before she turned to him. Brown eyes met violet.

“Kevin, I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” she said quietly. She tossed her joint out the window.

He nodded. “Yeah. I wanna talk to you too. But you go first,” he said.

Chrissy bit her lip. She looked everywhere but him. She took another breath in. “So, we’ve been together for eight months. That’s a long fucking time. One of the longest relationships I’ve been in.”

“Me too,” he mumbled.

“But…” She swallowed. “I don’t think being romantically involved is for us. I think we’d be better as friends. I—I think we should break up,” she finished. She lowered her gaze to her lap.

“Hey.”

She looked up.

He smiled a small half-smile at her, albeit an unsure one. “If it helps, I feel the same,” he murmured.

Chrissy let out a big breath, slumping in her seat. She facepalmed, closing her eyes. “Thank God. I was so scared you’d say something else,” she sighed.

He chuckled, bringing his cigarette to his lips. “What did you think I was gonna say?”

Cheeks turned pink. Shoulders lifted in a shrug. “I dunno. Like, _please stay_ or something. Or maybe something like _Ha ha, joke’s on you. I was cheating on you,_ ” she said.

Kevin’s eyebrows furrowed. “Cheat on you? You think I’m that type? That’s low, Chrissy,” he joked.

She smiled at him, her fingers covering her lips. Her eyes were on his. “I know.”

“Want me to take you home?” he offered. He started the car, backing out of the plot of grass they were parked on.

“Yeah. That’d be great.” She pointed a finger at him. “Just don’t take me home like you used to. We cut off those connections,” she teased.

He pushed her finger away, grinning. He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. I know. Guess it’s back to Playboys for me.”

“Yep.”

A snort escaped his nose as he merged onto the road. He wondered what he missed in class, if it mattered. Because he didn’t have anyone to go to for homework answers. Not anymore. Chrissy leaned out the window, feeling the wind on her face. She liked doing that. He flicked his cigarette out of his hand. They should probably fan out the smell in the car before his dad found out.

Work was different from the ditched school day. When Kevin walked into the garage, Nick and Johnny looked up from the car they were working on to him. Both of their eyes creased in worry as they scanned his bruises. He’d seen that look on Shelly various times. The familiarity made his skin crawl.

Johnny wiped his hands off on his coveralls, walking over to Kevin. He tried to dodge him by grabbing for his own coveralls, but Johnny’s hand on his shoulder stopped him. He was spun around on his heels, unable to meet his boss’s gaze.

“Where’d this bruise come from, Kevin?” he asked.

Kevin cleared his throat, rolling back his shoulders. He searched for a believable excuse. “Football practice, Johnny,” he lied.

Nick scoffed from underneath the car. “We all know you ain’t on a football team. You don’t play any sports. You’re too busy helping us here,” he pointed out.

And a good point it was. Johnny stared at Kevin, making him squirm under the intensity of it. “Where did the bruises really come from? You can trust us,” Johnny assured.

Kevin knew he could trust them, but the only person who ever worried themselves over his wounds was Shelly. Somehow everything tied back to her. He sighed. “I—my dad got drunk. He—um, hit… me.” Quickly, he added, “But this isn’t the first time. It’s a frequent thing.”

When the wrinkles on Johnny’s forehead got deeper and Nick wheeled himself from under the car to stare at him with the same expression, he knew he’d said too much.

“Kid…” Nick started.

Johnny said, “We can call Child Pro—”

“No no no. That’s happened once before. We were better off with our parents. My brother and sister don’t need to be put through that mess again. It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m fine. Really,” Kevin insisted.

Johnny was still rigid, working his jaw back and forth. Nick was rubbing his forehead, unknowingly smearing oil across his skin.

“Can I just get to work?” Kevin asked quietly.

A heartbeat passed before Johnny removed his hand and went back to the car. It was silent in the garage aside from the clink of tools and rustle of clothes as Kevin put his coveralls on over his street clothes. The silence was unbearable, but if it meant no more talking about his dad, it could be sustained.


	28. Cinderella Ball Gown

It seemed that the whole town was invited to Liane Cartman and Roger Donovan’s wedding. It was taking place at the church, and people who didn’t make it inside were herding outside. Eric and Clyde were allowed to invite all their friends. Luckily for them, the bride’s and groom’s family were separated. Clyde and his friends sat on the right side of the church, while Eric and his sat on the left.

Spring breaks were supposed to be fun. Clyde wanted to cry, not because weddings _made_ him cry, but because once that ring slipped over his dad’s finger, he had to be Eric’s stepbrother until their parents divorced, if that ever happened. Him and Eric had tried to split them up when they were dating, then when they were engaged, but it was impossible without killing one of them, which Eric suggested and Clyde refused.

His sister put a hand over his fist. “It’s okay, Clyde. Just think about how happy Dad will be,” she whispered.

Clyde’s lip wobbled as he said, “You’re just saying that because you live in New York. You don’t have to _deal_ with Cartman and his bullshit.” He stared into her brown eyes. He released his fist to grip her hand. “Take me back to New York with you. I promise I’ll be good,” he hissed.

“What about your friends? You’ll leave them behind and everything you know. And even if I could, you know I can’t. I can barely balance school and my job. I wouldn’t be able to take care of my little brother too. I barely have enough money to pay for groceries. We’ll have nothing if you live with me,” she reasoned.

Clyde squeezed her hand. She squeezed back.

On the other side of the church, Eric was also holding back tears. It wasn’t fair. His and his mom’s lives were so good before Roger and Clyde. Did they really need them? Why did his mom _have_ to get married to Clyde’s dad, of all people?

Eric glanced at Clyde on the opposite side of the church. He was talking to his older sister, who Eric had never met and barely knew about. But she’d become his stepsister after this. And Clyde would be his stepbrother. It was a shame. It really was. Eric liked Clyde. He was one of the few people who he could stand. And now they were going to be stepbrothers.

Only one good thing came out of this whole thing. In the end, Eric got himself a live-in minion. All he had to do was find some dirt on Clyde and use it to blackmail him. Then he had his minion. The thought calmed him down a bit.

“Cartman, why are you being so quiet?” Kyle asked with narrowed eyes.

Eric rolled his eyes before turning back to him. He looked past Butters to glower at the redhead. “That’s because I’m trying to think of a way I can get Clyde to be my minion,” he answered honestly.

Butters’ fingers ghosted over the back of his hand as he scolded him quietly. Eric locked his fingers in place with Butters’, squeezing gently. They did it in secret so no one could see.

Kyle narrowed his eyes. He knew Cartman was telling the truth. That’s why he swore to check in with Clyde since his dad and Cartman’s mom started dating. So far, nothing too drastic happened to him. And that made Kyle extremely relieved. But also extremely suspicious.

Next to Kyle, Stan said to Cartman, “So I guess we can’t call you Cartman anymore. You’re gonna be Donovan now.”

Kyle chuckled. That was true. Cartman’s—or rather _Donovan’s_ —face flushed red. He flipped Kyle and Stan off. “Don’t call me Donovan. Or I’ll make you eat your parents,” he warned.

Stan and Kyle shuddered. The threat was old and anything but empty. They believed it with every fiber of their being. Every time Cartman reminded them of what he did to the Tenormans, they snapped their mouths shut and didn’t say much to him or about him for an hour at least.

On Stan’s left was Kenny. Ever since sixth grade, he started putting his hood down, showing off his freckled, gap-toothed face and honey-blonde hair. Girls fell for it all the time. No wonder he used to always wear that hood. Kenny observed his older brother try to contain himself, but he was shaking around the edges. Karen in between them didn’t notice, too excited about seeing Liane’s wedding dress.

“It’s going to be like Cinderella’s, isn’t it?” she’d said that morning.

Kevin was freaking out because he was sitting next to Shelly for the first time in nine months. Karen had told Kenny about his brother’s infatuation, and he guessed that was why he was currently going out of his mind. It shocked his whole family when they found out Kevin had a girlfriend. At first, Kenny and Karen crossed their fingers behind their backs hoping it was Shelly; Kevin had been pining long enough. But when Kevin said the chick’s name was Chrissy, Kenny and Karen visibly deflated. Their mom congratulated him. Their sober dad pat him on the back.

But Kenny and Karen knew he and Chrissy broke up on March twentieth. It’d been three weeks. Kevin’s birthday was coming up in three days. Kenny was curious to see how it would pan out. He was well aware of Shelly giving Kevin a gift on his special day. Or maybe she wouldn’t since Kevin was too caught up fucking Chrissy that he forgot about _her_ birthday. Kenny always saw his brother and Chrissy as fuck buddies. The air around them didn’t feel like the air around a couple, even if they were one. Kenny didn’t understand why Kevin even dated Chrissy in the first place. He’s so blatantly in love with Shelly. It shocked Kenny that they lasted eight months in the first place. The only thing standing in the way of Shelly and Kevin actually getting together was Scott Tenorman and their own fears and ghosts.

Kevin was unaware of his little brother’s internal dialogue. He was too focused on the fact that Shelly was sitting next to him, but she wasn’t looking at him or talking to him. That made everything worse. The silence was stifling. He kept his hands contained in his pockets like he always did. Her presence was suffocating. It was so familiar to have her there, but so different at the same time. He opened his mouth to speak.

“Here Comes the Bride” started to play. A hush fell over the church. Now it was too late to say anything to her. He closed his mouth. But what would he say? He was sorry? He hated her boyfriend? He decided to keep his lips sealed for the entirety of the wedding.

 

Three days passed. The McCormicks sat in the living room minus one. Kenny had been gone all day. No one had seen Kenny leave the house, guessing he left before they woke up. Now stars glittered in the sky. The day was wasted sitting around, even if it was a semi-important day. The only one who acknowledged Kevin’s sixteenth birthday was Karen when she woke up and gave him a flower crown her and Tricia had made with fake flowers.

The front door swung open. Kenny walked in casually like he hadn’t been gone all day. Their parents didn’t ask where he’d been. They didn’t care. He dumped his backpack on the floor in front of Kevin’s feet. He unzipped it, handing his brother another Playboy magazine.

“Happy birthday, bro,” Kenny beamed.

Kevin snorted, flipping through the pages with hungry eyes. Like every other Playboy he was given, it was always arousing.

Kenny stuck his hand in his backpack. “And there’s one more thing,” he said.

Kevin looked up from the magazine, surprised and confused. As was his family, who all stopped staring at the black and white TV screen to watch him.

Kenny handed him two folded pieces of clothing. Kevin took it, holding up the top shirt. It was a plain black long sleeve. Cotton. Just his size. He put it down. The second thing was also a shirt. It was short sleeved, white plaid fading into solid black. He supposed the gift was given together so he could wear the long sleeve under the plaid shirt.

“Something fell out,” Karen said. She bent over and picked up a white note card from the floor. She handed it to Kevin.

He turned it over. Everyone leaned over to read it themselves. There were five simple words between the blue lines: _Happy sixteenth birthday, Kev. Shelly._

Those simple words were enough to make him gather up the shirts, hold the note card tight in his hand, and dart out the room. He went to his bed, pressing his back against the wall. He squeezed his eyes shut to fight the tears. _Shelly._ They weren’t talking and she still gave him a gift when he thought she wouldn’t. He felt like a dick because he didn’t get her anything. And that still didn’t stop her.

Kevin held the shirts to his face, inhaling. He could catch the faint smell of her on the material. He imagined her trying the shirts on, staring at herself in the mirror, missing him. But it was just his empty fantasy.

Shelly always smelled like rose petals. He didn’t know if it was her shampoo or her perfume or if she just smelled like that, but it made his heartstrings pull just beyond snapping.

He heard footsteps stop at the door. He cracked his wet eyes open. When he saw his family standing there, he swiped away the tears. No one was allowed to see him cry. But they all had sympathetic looks on their faces. Even his dad. He wasn’t so bad sober. He could actually be caring. His siblings were the first to move. They sat on either sides of him, sandwiching him in a hug. His mom moved next, pulling his head to her chest, comfortingly massaging her hand up and down his neck. She kissed his hair. His dad placed a hand on his mom’s back, but he didn’t touch him. He knew his boundaries.

Instead, he said softly, “You should just tell her. It’s obvious she’s the one for you.”

Kevin buried his face in the crook of his mom’s neck. What if his dad was right? He grit his teeth and balled his hands. There was no point in arguing. No point in fighting him. “I can’t,” he whispered. “But if I have to, I’ll wait forever. I’ll wait until she’s ready. I’ll always be around for her. Always. Even if it takes ten years.”


	29. Can’t Have Peace Without a War

Shelly leaned into Scott with his arm around her. The touch of affection was anything but affectionate. She stared at the field of grass in front of them. Students used it for sports or sitting around during lunch. Her mind was out of it. Sophomore year was going to be over in less than a month. Two weeks was more accurate. Tonight was prom night for the seniors. She was going only because she was Scott’s date.

Of course, she regretted saying yes. She should’ve said no.

Her and Scott Tenorman had been fighting for a week straight. Neither of them had a reason why. They just started shouting at each other. Shelly couldn’t remember who shouted first. It was probably her. She had anger management issues. She made a bad habit of bottling up her emotions, and wouldn’t explode until someone shook her up so much that her cap burst off.

It could’ve started because he was flirting with some girl over his Instagram DMs. She could’ve flown off the handle for him not being faithful. Or it could’ve started because she was in a bad mood and wanted to take her anger out on someone. Or because he was a disgusting person. There were so many possibilities.

Scott still asked her to prom because it was too late to ask anyone else. And he didn’t want to go alone, having to make up a lame excuse that he wanted to go with his friends.

Shelly decided to not to go out and buy a dress. She rented a simple navy blue one with a slit in the skirt. The neck was plunging. According to the boys, she had her mom’s rack, but hers was better because they were perky and not old. Unfortunately, the low neck dress was the simplest she could find. She’d probably throw on a necklace to cover as much as she could.

She just wanted the school day to be over. She wanted Scott’s prom to be over. She didn’t want to spend any more time with him than she had to. She only forced herself not to squirm under his arms for the sake of performance for others.

 

Lighting in the bathroom was always best. Shelly coated her eyelashes in mascara. She had gold eyeshadow and eyeliner already on. Lipstick was the last thing. She didn’t want to go crazy. She wanted to be minimalistic. She went for a nude pink. Her hair was done in a waterfall braid down her back. Her corsage itched. It was blue to match her dress, but it was ugly.

She left the bathroom and went downstairs. She lifted her skirts to prevent from tripping. Her mom commented on how pretty she looked. Her dad smiled. Stan was at the couch with crossed arms. Right then, he was her exact mood.

There was a knock at the door. Her dad answered it. He did the stereotypical talk about “Do something to my daughter and I’ll snap your spleen.” Her mom gathered them together for a picture.

Shelly hatefully bared her teeth at Scott in what could be considered a smile. He mirrored her expression. His tie matched her dress. The flower pinned to his suit matched her corsage. They stood together because they had to. They faced Mrs. Marsh with his hand on the small of her back. It made her shiver in disgust.

Mrs. Marsh took the picture. As soon as the shutter sound went off, Scott and Shelly stepped apart. “You look nice,” he said coldly.

“As do you,” she spat. “Let me put my shoes on. Then we’ll leave.”

She shoved her feet in her heels and marched out the door. He followed. One of Scott’s friends rented a limo. Shelly and Scott were forced to sit together and act like a happy couple. The ride to the venue where prom was being held was a painful one.

But when they finally got to the place, Shelly was the first out the car. Scott took her arm and led her into the building. Prom was already in full swing. All of the seniors and their dates danced around and grabbed snacks and drinks from the tables lining the walls.

Shelly shook her arm loose from Scott after they took their pictures to stuff her cheeks with the food displayed on the table. She filled a red cup with punch. She didn’t care if it was tainted. She just needed as much time away from Scott as she could get.

And her time was short. Before she knew it, the DJ announced the last song of the night—the slow song.

Scott found her and took her cold hands in his. He pulled her into the crowd. She swayed with him to the music. His hands on her body felt wrong. They were dancing on shards of glass. All for show, Scott brushed a kiss to her lips. It felt like acid on her mouth.

All of it was wrong. She shouldn’t be here with this person. She didn’t care about any of it. Prom was supposed to be fun and memorable. This was sad and miserable. She wanted to go home.

 

It wasn’t even a week after prom when Scott broke up with Shelly. It was right when they saw each other again on Monday. She swore to herself she wouldn’t cry walking home after school, but she felt the hot tears run down her cheeks. When she wiped them away, black tracks stained her skin. It was hard to breathe. She wasn’t crying because she was  _ sad;  _ she was crying because she was furious. Furious that she decided to dedicate six months to a dickhead ass-licker like Scott Tenorman. She was crying because she regretted everything that happened in those six months. It seemed to her that wherever she went, destruction always followed.

She regretted kissing him back. She regretted driving to the Denver aquarium with him. She regretted letting him take off her shirt and letting him lay her down on his bed. Just the memory of it made her skin crawl. She let him touch her. And she didn’t know why. She gave away something that was supposed to be precious and sacred, but she allowed it to be taken from her for what? Desperation? Insecurity?

She was stupid.

And she was stupid for what she was about to do.

She knocked on the door, not knowing who was home or if anyone was home at all. She stood in the warm sunlight with her arms crossed and black tears rolling down her cheeks. The weather didn’t match her mood. It was inappropriate. She wished the sky was pouring rain, crying like her.

The door opened, revealing just the person she wanted to see.

Shelly was crying. Her arms were wrapped around her body, mascara running down her face. It made Kevin sick to his stomach. She threw herself at him, squeezing his middle. She sobbed louder, more freely.

He pulled her closer and further into the house. He curled his arms around her just as tightly. He hid his face in her ponytail. He hadn’t held her in so long. Her embrace was almost unfamiliar, but it felt good. It made his heart warm but cold at the same time. Why was she crying? Why did she come to him? He took her to his room. She collapsed on the mattress. He sat beside her, and she leaned her body into his, clutching his shirt as her sobs echoed around the house.

He was wearing the shirt she got him for his birthday, and she was staining it with her tears. She was so selfish. She hated herself, even as his hand rubbed small circles in her back.

It took a while for her to calm down, but she did eventually. Kevin wiped away her tears with his thumb. He so desperately wanted to kiss her face and tell her everything was going to be okay. But he held back. It wasn’t what she needed. What she needed was a friend by her side, and he was willing to be that friend.

“What happened?” he asked, voice low.

Shelly sniffled. She hiccuped, “We broke up.”

It was vague, but he knew what she meant by it. And he hated how his treacherous heart leapt at the news. Ignoring his inappropriate emotions, he said, “I’m sorry.”

Shelly let out a watery laugh, enveloping his hand in hers. “Oh please. I’m so glad we’re done. He was a prick. I’m crying because I regret all of it.” She met his eyes with those sky blue irises he missed so much. She spun them like the Earth rotating in space. “It was  _ such  _ a waste of six months.” She laughed some more.

He thumbed the stray tear escaping her eye. He was shocked when she leaned into his hand. She swept her eyes over his face. Every scar, freckle, and blemish. “I missed you,” she whispered.

He swallowed the lump in his throat, his mind blanking. His hand went against his mind and opened up to cup her cheek and stroke it. It was too loving a gesture. It would betray him. But he couldn’t stop. Eventually, he found something to say. “I missed you too,” he rasped, unable to meet her eyes. He focused on her chin.

She sat up a bit straighter. “Why did you stop talking to me?”

His hand retracted back into his pockets. He noticed her frown at the action. “I—was preoccupied,” he lied. His mouth tasted bitter.

Her voice was below a whisper. More of an exhale. “Oh.” She continued, louder this time, “Promise me you’ll never avoid me again.”

Kevin managed to smile. He managed to meet her eyes. “I promise.”

She smiled too. She pulled him into another hug. He so desperately missed her hugs.

“You smell like cigarette smoke. You’re  _ still  _ smoking?” Her voice was muffled as she spoke into his chest. She pulled back to say seriously, “It’s your choice and all, but smoking can kill you, you know.”

He rolled his eyes, smiling. “I know. I’ll try to quit. Only because you told me to.”

Shelly dropped her head back to his shoulder. Her bangs fell into her eyes. “Okay, good. I don’t want you to die,” she said.

He’d missed her so much.


	30. Back on Track

The sun was brutal. The temperature was over eighty degrees. Global warming wasn’t doing South Park kindly. Soapy water sloshed in a bucket as it was set down. A hose showering water doused a faded red truck. Bare feet moved around the car to cover more of it.

Kevin should’ve put on sunblock. He could feel a sunburn coming on. It was too hot to wear a shirt. And if he did, it would just get wet from sweat and water. There was no point wasting a good shirt. It was noon on the Fourth of July. He didn’t have work, and he wanted to wash his dad’s disgusting truck. Or _his_ truck now. His dad barely drove anywhere and didn’t care when Kevin used it to drive to school or Johnny’s. He just wanted to make sure it was clean for tonight. He was taking Kenny and his friends to a fireworks show. And the truck needed a good, thorough wash anyway.

He let go of the trigger on the nozzle and dropped the hose on the driveway. He dunked his hand into the soapy bucket. The soaked rag slapped onto the hood on the car. He moved his arm in circles to scrub off the dirt and mud.

It was oddly therapeutic, washing his car in the hot sun. He was also not as much a sad loser anymore. He had Shelly back, and he was happy if he had her. Even if he didn’t have her in the way he preferred.

Cold water rushed down his neck to his back and into his pants. Shouting in surprise, he spun around to see Shelly cackling with the hose in her hand. He had no idea how she snuck up on him, but the thoughts were washed away when she shot him in the face.

Sputtering, he jumped out of the water and ran towards her. She screamed, running away, trying to shoot him with more water. She got a couple good shots in. He was soaked.

“Shelly!” he yelled.

She ran behind the car. When he tried to get her from the side, she ran the other way. Tired of stepping from left to right, he chose a direction and ran full speed at her. She couldn’t react quickly enough. He took the hose from her and soaked her from head to toe. She screamed but didn’t try to run. It did feel good after all.

He let go of the nozzle to examine his work. Her bangs were plastered to her forehead. Her clothes stuck to her skin. She was dripping from every angle. The dream he had of her last night threatened to come back to mind, but he pushed it away before things got embarrassingly out of hand.

“Hey, Shell,” he said.

“Kev,” she bit back. She shook out her flip flops and jumped onto the sudsy hood of the truck.

“Don’t be mad at me. You started this,” he said.

“Whatever.” She smiled his way. His stomach did flips.

“Whatcha need?”

“I wanna help.”

“Why?”

“Fuck you, that’s why.”

He shrugged. “Okay, you can help. You’re very persuasive.”

“You’re very stupid,” she retorted.

“Sure thing, bitch.”

“Call me bitch again,” she joked breathily.

He chuckled, shaking his head. “Bitch.”

Shelly hummed in contentment. “Nice.”

Kevin laughed as he walked around the car and bent over to throw another rag at her. She didn’t catch it so it ended up in her lap. She gasped.

His laughter grew. “You’re already soaked. Who cares?”

She stuck her tongue out at him. He stuck his out back. It was like they never stopped talking in the first place.

“Want some gum?” she asked. “It’s all wet now because of _you_ , but it’s still gum.” She reached into her back pocket to pull out a damp pack of gum. He leaned on his elbows on the hood next to her. He took the stick she offered him, unwrapping it. They locked eyes. They popped the gum into their mouths at the same time.

He chewed. “Remember when we had to sit next to each other at Cirque Du Cheville? You gave me a stick of gum just like this.” He chewed some more. “I think it was also mint flavored.”

Shelly smiled, nodding. “Oh, I remember. How could I forget how bad you smelled?”

He blushed, even if she was joking. They weren’t close at the time. It was before she invited him over to her house so he could bathe.

He played it off with nonchalance. “Heh. Yeah. But it wasn’t like you were quite the delicate princess either,” he fired back.

Shelly gaped. He put a finger under her chin and closed her jaw. Even he saw the way her cheeks bloomed pink. Hope sparked in his chest where it shouldn’t be. He’d never wanted to kiss her so bad. With her wet clothes and dripping hair. And the way she was staring back at him. It would’ve been so perfect. But he broke the spell by swatting her with his soapy rag. She yelped.

He took her wrist and helped her down. “Off the car, Shell. We need to wash it. Not put in more dents.” He gestured to the dip in the hood where she’d been sitting.

She punched his arm. “Are you calling me fat?” she asked.

He teasingly scanned her body from head to toe, pretending to consider it. Really, he was just enjoying being able to look at her so openly. The way her wet clothes stuck to her skin really showed off all her curves. She was wearing a white shirt with the word “Love” above her heart that he could totally see through. She was wearing a pink bra with lace on the edges. The sight made his dick twitch in a way that he knew he’d have to take care of later.

“Hmm.” He tapped his chin.

Shelly gasped at his teasing and whipped the seat of his pants with her twisted rag. He jumped forward, holding his ass. His face was on fire, but he still managed to remark, “Fucking hell, Shelly, if you wanna slap my ass, just ask.”

She buried her face in her hands, letting out a long, embarrassed yell. _I totally fell into that,_ she thought.

He laughed at her reaction, reeling her in for a hug. She let him wraps his arms around her. Without his shirt, she could really feel his muscles tightening around her. She blushed. But she was happy to be able to talk to him again. That was all that mattered.

Wriggling from his embrace, she said, “I thought we were supposed to be washing your car.” She glared up at him. In the time they spent apart, he’d changed. He’d grown into himself. He was probably 6'3 by now, seven inches taller than her. His jaw looked stronger, as well as his torso and arms. His violet eyes were just as enchanting. The McCormick boys were ruggedly handsome.

He sighed. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Shelly started on the side of the car while Kevin continued with the front. The cold water felt good compared to the sticky heat of the sun. Nighttime was supposed to be around the high seventies, hopefully not as hot as it was in the day. The fireworks show was supposedly better than previous years. She doubted it. As pretty as fireworks could be, they were all the same. They never got better, they never got worse.

The windows of the car were grimy and cracked. She carefully moved her rag along, but it was getting dry quickly. She located the bucket of water at the front of the car and dipped her rag into it. Kevin was already on the other side of the car.

She returned to her side. She could see him through the window. His face was so focused it was funny. Shelly knew full well of his love of cars. He was a typical country boy. Country music, truck, a cold one, the accent, the love of cars, and the love of Playboys.

 _He should really dress up as a cowboy for Halloween. It’d be perfect for him_ , she thought.

She took her phone from her pocket. Thankfully by miracle, it was perfectly dry. She put on Spotify. The first song to come on was “Kiss Me," that old song from  _Dawson's Creek._

Her feet took her back and forth from the bucket to where she left off on the car until her and Kevin met at the back. She craned her neck to look in the bed of the truck. It was wet. He must’ve rinsed it off before she got here.

“Excited for the fireworks?” Kevin asked.

“Meh. Try not to flinch like you always do,” she jested.

“Hey! What’re you implying? I’m not scared of fireworks!”

Shelly threw her head back, laughing. “Oh _sure._ ”

He turned away from her with red cheeks, grumbling to himself. She laughed harder. He was so touchy about his masculinity or whatever. She loved teasing him about it.

“Kev, want me to tell you something that’ll probably get you to hate me?” she said.

His shoulder bumped hers. He was still focused on the car. “What?”

“Before you started dating Chrissy, I thought you were gay because I’d never _seen_ you with a girl,” she admitted.

His jaw fell open in offense. “What the fuck, Shell?” he demanded. “You didn’t _tell_ anyone, did you?”

She snorted. “Hell no. I don’t start rumors. Especially not ones about my closest friends.”

“Mm” was his response. Then he said, “And your shirt is see-through.”

She looked down and could very well see her stomach and bra. Despite the flush on her cheeks and the way she crossed her arms, she said, “So?”

“So I’m just saying.” He smirked at her. “Now get back to work.”

“Excuse you. I’m not getting paid to do this. I don’t have to do anything,” she said.

Kevin closed his eyes, trying to fight off a grin. “Okay, fine. You’re right. My bad.”

Shelly climbed into the bed of the truck and pulled out her hair tie. Her hair fell over her shoulders. She shook out the tangles. “Are you and Chrissy still dating?” she asked.

Kevin furrowed his eyebrows at her. Then his face relaxed. “Oh,” he said. “No. We broke up in March.”

“Really? I didn’t know that,” she said.

He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.”

It was obvious to her that the subject was still sensitive. She respected his feelings and shut up about the topic.

 

Kenny and his friends sat in the bed of Kevin’s truck as it was driven to the hill that overlooked the town. It was the best spot to watch the fireworks aside from going to Stark’s Pond, which was probably crowded.

Kevin had washed the car earlier with Shelly. It looked good. Sparkly clean.

“Hey, Stan,” Kenny said. Stan stopped talking with Kyle to turn his attention to the blonde in orange. Kyle listened in too. “You know how Shelly helped Kev wash this car?” Stan nodded. Kenny smirked. “Do you think they fucked? Because isn’t it typical for two horny teenagers doing something alone together that leads to something else?”

Stan paled. He looked like a sheet of paper under the moonlight. “Ew, Kenny! That’s fucked up!” Still, he glanced through the window at his sister sitting in the truck with Kevin. He almost considered it, but he chased it out if his mind before he threw up.

Cartman added, “They probably did it right here.” He stomped his foot on the bed of the truck.

Stan and Kyle shared a look of disgust. Kenny and Cartman laughed. Butters stayed quiet squashed between Kenny and Cartman.

Pulling up to the hill, the boys began rearranging themselves so they could see the sky the best. Butters sat on the roof of the car since he was the lightest. Cartman sat underneath him. Butters’ feet were right beside his head. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny sat with their heads back, watching the sky. Kevin and Shelly emerged from the truck. Kevin put down the back so he could sit on it with Shelly.

Kevin turned and tapped Kenny’s shoe. His brother looked at him. “Pass me that cooler,” he said.

Kenny reached to his left and dragged the red cooler to Kevin. He opened it and cracked open a beer. Sitting with her back against the truck, Shelly snorted at him.

“What?” he said. He sipped from the can.

She shook her head, turning her eyes to the sky. “Nothing.” As soon as the word left her mouth, the first firework exploded in the sky. It was red, followed by white and blue.

Kevin watched Shelly from the corner of his eye. The colors from the sky reflected on her skin, dousing her in purple and red and yellow. Shelly always knew when someone was looking at her. He should’ve known better. She met his eyes and smiled. He choked on his beer but covered it up with a smile of his own. Quickly, he looked to the sky to hide the blush on his face.


	31. Lights on the Water

Like summers in the past, Kevin and Shelly spent it glued at the hip. Maybe it was because of the year they spent apart, maybe it was because they’d always been good friends, but they were inseparable. They spent every moment of everyday together. Because of this, Shelly didn’t have the opportunity to waste her time on potential boyfriends.

In the middle of July, Shelly felt bored and shaken at the same time. Her and Kevin had been sitting around all day with nothing to do. They could drive somewhere, but where would they go? And how could she forget the monthly anniversary of the biggest regret of her life?

Shelly stood from her bed and walked to her dresser. Kevin watched her instead of the TV, wondering what she was doing. She took a small bag from the surface and left the room. He considered following her, but she was probably using the bathroom. His attention drew back to the TV and the weird chick flick it was playing.

After twenty minutes and Shelly didn’t return, he left the room and went into the hall. The bathroom door was open. The light was on. He leaned on the door frame. Shelly was tracing the shape of her eye with a black pencil.

“What’re you doing?” he asked. He moved to stand next to her and watch more closely.

“Doing my makeup,” she said. She switched to the other eye.

“Why?”

“I’m bored.” She concentrated on drawing a black line under her eye. When she found it satisfactory, she turned to him. “Want some?”

He backpedaled into the hall. “Fuck no.”

Shelly laughed and searched for something in her bag. Kevin slowly reapproached, peering over her shoulder to see what she was looking for. She pulled out a rose gold tube and unscrewed the top. A small brush was connected to the cap. He knew what that thing was. Mascara. She brushed it onto her eyelashes. He watched her in the mirror.

It was oddly mesmerizing. She moved with a fluid motion, obviously having done this before. Kevin liked her with or without makeup. She was beautiful either way. She twisted the wand back into the bottle and picked up a handful of different colored tubes. She held them out to him.

“Pick one,” she instructed.

There was red, pale pink, a skin tone one, a sparkly one, maroon, brown, purple. There were more, but it was extremely overwhelming. He picked up the pale pink one. She set down the others and took the one from him.

“Good choice. I love this color.” She applied it to her lips. Her eyes scanned more of the colors. She waved the sparkly one in his face. “What if we put this one on over it?” She put the sparkly one on.

He stared at her lips. He wanted to kiss her. So badly. Imagining putting his lips on hers, getting her lipstick all over his mouth, made him shiver.

“Cold?” she asked.

He shrugged, meeting her eyes.

“Do you have work today?”

“No.”

“Good.”

“Why?”

“I don’t wanna have to remember.”

Confused, he tilted his head. She walked past him downstairs. He followed her. “Remember what?” he dared.

“The fourteenth of February was when I was… deflowered,” she spat bitterly. “Now all I can think about is _that_ night. Every fourteenth of each month. It haunts me like a ghost.” She shuddered, falling to the couch. “It remind me of how much I want my virginity back.”

He sat at her feet. The tips of his ears went red from the information. “Oh. How can I help you forget?” he asked.

Shelly sighed. “I don’t know. I usually stay locked up in my room with music on loud to drown out the memories.” She paused. “What time is it?”

“Almost nine.”

“Mm.”

“We can go to Stark’s Pond,” he offered.

She sat up. “That sounds nice. Lemme get something.” She ran back upstairs. On her desk was her Bluetooth speaker. She grabbed it and bolted back downstairs. “Okay, let’s go,” she called.

Kevin held open the front door for her. She jumped into the passenger side of his truck. He got in the driver’s seat. He started the truck and started driving. He turned on the headlights as Shelly texted her parents where she was. The radio came to life. That song “Kiss Me” was on.

_“Kiss me beneath the milky twilight_

_Lead me out on the moonlit floor_

_Lift your open hand_

_Strike up the band, and make the fireflies dance silver moon’s sparkling_

_So kiss me…”_

Shelly thought it was a cute song. Kevin told her to roll down her window since it was stuffy in the car. Wind blew in. She turned up the volume of the radio so she could hear the words being sung.

At the pond, the sun was just falling behind the mountains. The sky was dark blue littered with winking stars. The song ended when Kevin got out of the car and opened her door for her. She stepped out and onto the grass. She was only wearing her flip flops. The grass brushed against her feet, making her itchy. A warm breeze picked up a bit, ruffling her pink sundress.

Kevin was already sitting by the water. She sat on his left. The city lights were reflected on the rippling black. It was beautiful. Shelly turned on her speaker and hooked her phone up. Spotify played her favorite songs, like always.

Kevin knew all the words to “Team.” It was the first song that played when she shared an earbud with him for the first time. That was a good memory. She invited him to sit next to her on the bus. She offered him her earbud. He accepted it and put it in his ear. Then “Team” began to play. That was long before she knew who Lorde truly was. Ever since her dad told her, the resemblance became uncanny. She wondered how she missed it in the first place.

Shelly’s feet moved to the beat. Her mouth sang along. Kevin stood. She stared at him in confusion, still continuing to sing. He chuckled and extended a hand to her. She took it. He helped her up. He didn’t let go of her hand, instead pulling her close and began swaying to the song, even if it was nowhere near a slow song. Shelly’s singing faded away. She giggled and put her other hand on his shoulder. His free hand went to her waist.

They waltzed to music that didn’t match their movements. As it got darker, fireflies began swirling around them. Kevin hummed to each song, eyes closed. Shelly watched him, enchanted. Kevin had a nice face ever since they were young. But doused in the silver moonlight, he looked fairy tale-like. Kevin’s gray T-shirt was soft under her fingertips. Another breeze fluttered their clothes. Everything was so warm. She laid her head over his heart. The rhythmic beats hypnotized her.

She felt her heartstrings being tugged towards something. Whatever it was, it pulled her closer to him. Their chests bumped, their feet knocking together. Their hands untangled, hers going around his shoulders, his twisting around her waist. They held each other close.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

Kevin squeezed her. She felt him nod. They were so happy.


	32. Cloud Nine

Junior year. SATs and ACTs to study for. More scholarships would be given out. Hopefully, they would get a few more into their account. Shelly and Kevin had to work harder than they ever had before. They had to get into a good college. They had to leave this town. They were sick of it.

With Scott out of the school, a weight was lifted from Shelly’s shoulders. She wouldn’t have to worry about him. What she had to worry about was her grades and getting into college. And a potential scholarship or two. She needed one of those.

Kevin was in an even more desperate need for a scholarship, preferably full-ride. He knew it wasn’t common, and he needed to be special to get a scholarship like that, but he could dream. He dreamt all the time. Of a life away from South Park, of a chance in college, of a date with Shelly. But they were only dreams.

Sometimes, he’d pass Chrissy in the halls. They’d wave and shoot each other friendly smiles. There was no bad blood between them. Speaking of classes, he hurried over to Physics. It was the one class he didn’t have with Shelly. She was in AP Chemistry. She was in, like, three AP classes. He had no idea how he was in two with her. She was a fucking nerd genius. She already knew she was majoring in science for college.

He had an idea of what he wanted to do. Maybe he would major in criminal justice. Something that got him to work with kids in danger. Because that dick from Child Protective Services at the police station sucked. His office was traumatizing, especially for little kids.

School had been in for two months already. Junior year was going to be a good year. He was almost sure of it.

At lunch, Kevin sat down with his tray of food. Honestly, cafeteria lunches sucked. He had a grilled cheese in front of him. It didn’t look appetizing. Shelly sat down next to him.

“Hey,” she said.

He kept his eyes on the sandwich. “Hey.”

He was positive the sandwich blinked at him. He lifted into his mouth and bit into it. It tasted like a piece of Play-Doh between cardboard. He was poor and could barely afford anything. He was taught not to waste food, but when he bit into that grilled cheese, he literally gagged and spit it out on his plate.

Shelly covered her mouth as she laughed with tears in her eyes. Monica and her boyfriend joined in. When the twins walked up, Angelica asked, “What? What’s so funny?”

Kevin wanted to scrape the taste off his tongue. Bleach his mouth or something. The grilled cheese was crossed off the list. He downed his milk to wash out the taste. Then he picked up his apple. It was fruit. It couldn’t get worse than being a bit bruised. Maybe have a few worms. But this was an apple from school. Their lunch could be disgusting, but their fruit had to be somewhat edible.

Shelly leaned into him, patting his back. “S’okay, Kev,” she giggled.

Out in the quad after they finished eating, Shelly walked over to their usual spot: a potted tree with concrete around it. Her friends normally laid down or sat or stood on it when teachers weren’t looking. Since they were being good little eggs today, they sat down like the mature juniors they were.

Holly hissed, “Shelly, I can see your bra strap.”

Shelly snapped her black strap, staring confused at her. “So? I wear bras. Big deal. You want me to prove it?”

Some idiot with a dick passing said, “Yes, please!”

Shelly flipped him off. Kevin laughed into his hands. She glared at him. “You’re not helping,” she grumbled.

“I wasn’t trying to,” he said.

She kicked his foot.

 

Homework. Work. Shelly’s house. That was Kevin’s schedule after school. Especially on Tuesdays through Thursdays. On Mondays and Fridays, it was homework and Shelly’s house simultaneously. On weekends it was just Shelly’s house.

Since it was a Monday, he could go straight to Shelly’s from the bus. They walked together down the street littered with autumn leaves that crunched underfoot. The wind was gentle but crisp. It might snow in a few days.

The inside of Shelly’s house was always warm. Kevin’s nose was cold. They took off their shoes and went up to Shelly’s room. Her bed was the most comfortable thing to sit on. Textbooks from backpacks were dropped to the mattress. Loose leaf paper and pencils were set up on laps, binders being used as a hard surface to write on. Shelly put on Spotify for background music as they did their homework. The only sound was pop music playing quietly and the scratch of pencils on paper.

After their math was done, they checked their answers with each other. They moved onto science, then history. They had to read three chapters of their assigned book for English. Kevin preferred to lay down with his arm under his head.

“Your arm’s gonna fall asleep,” she said. She was sitting up with the book in her lap. She was already on her last chapter. He was just finishing his second.

“Eh.”

She snorted as she rolled her eyes. “If you don’t care,” she said.

There was a beat of silence. He decided to say, “Y’know, I almost dropped out of middle school before you came around.” He’d been afraid to tell her all those years, but now he was set on completing high school and going onto college. He was changed.

“Why?”

“I was failing. I felt stupid and discouraged. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you.”

She smiled at him. He smiled back.

“You give me too much credit,” she said. “You work hard. You got yourself here. Not me.”

Within five minutes, Shelly finished reading her book. She tossed it on the pile with her textbooks. She picked up her phone to look over Instagram. She’d insisted Kevin make a profile back in eighth grade, but his response was, “What would I post?” She’d told him anything, but he said he’d rather take her phone and look at stuff there. Even now, he did it all the time.

A drop notification showed up on her Instagram. Noticing who sent it, she swore loudly. Kevin didn’t take his eyes off the words on the page. He had a paragraph left. Then he was finished with his homework. “What?” he asked.

Shelly growled. “Motherfucker.”

Finished with the chapter, Kevin closed the book and sat up to peer at her screen. She was in her DMs, looking at the message someone sent her. It said, “Hey babe. How u doin? We should catch up” with a winking emoji.

“Who is it?” he asked.

Shelly furiously typed out a reply: “Fuck off, you low life cunt. I can get you arrested for being a pedo” as she told him, “Skyler DMed me! That fucking bitch. I thought I blocked him!”

Kevin’s face paled the way it did when his dad mistreated his mom when he was drunk. “You _should_ report him for being a pedophile. He could try to target other girls. How old is he now?” he wondered.

“Twenty-six. You’re right. I’m reporting him,” she grumbled. She did things to her phone then angrily stuffed it under her pillow. She was fuming. “God!” She tugged at her bangs, cheeks red with fury. Then she crossed her arms.

He pat her hand. He didn’t know what else to do. “Kiss Me” began playing. It always seemed to be on.

Still staring at her knees, she said, “The only reason I waste my time dating all these guys is because I want someone to stick by me through thick and thin. Come hell or high water, you know? And—” Her head snapped up. She stared at him with wide blue eyes.

“What?” he asked.

“Oh my God.” She was trembling. “All this time…”

There was a beat of silence. Then she slowly leaned forward. He froze. He didn’t know what was happening. At first, he felt hands on his knees. Then a pair of lips on his bottom lip. She was kissing him. Before she could rethink anything, he closed his eyes and kissed her back. But as soon as he did, she broke the kiss.

His blood went cold. His eyes were just starting to open when he tried to stutter out an apology. But he was cut off when she kissed him again, positioning herself for a better angle. She tilted her head, her hands cradling the back of his neck. He couldn’t close his eyes again. He kept them half-lidded, examining her face up close to his. He could see every imperfection, every pore. Her closed eyes were relaxed. Long lashes touched her cheeks. He put his hands on her waist, remembering what to do with his hands.

He was completely numb. The only thing he could hear was the blood rushing through his ears and the song playing faintly from her phone under her pillow. Even if he was dreaming, he savored the taste of her lips. Vanilla—the chapstick she used. The kiss was gentle, fleeting and lingering. It was all he ever wanted.

When she pulled back, it struck fear in his heart that it would finally stop, but it was only for an instant before she devoured him. Somehow, she ended up in his lap, constantly turning her head from side to side to kiss as much of him as she could. Teeth clicked together and breaths escaped mouths. Her fingers were running through his hair, his hands constantly grabbing at her top. The passion in the air was suffocating. It was better than a dream. So much better.

Shelly broke a kiss, but stayed so close she murmured into his mouth. “You,” she breathed. “All this time, I’ve been looking for someone like you. It was _always_ you. You’ve been by my side since day one, even after our little fallout. I wasted all my time only to find what I’ve been looking for right in front of me.”

He chuckled softly once. Breathily. His head was muddled. “How cliche,” he whispered. He still couldn’t open his eyes all the way. He watched her through his eyelashes.

“Yeah,” she whispered back.

She dipped her head and kissed him again so much more desperately than the previous. If he could get high off a kiss, this was it.

The final kiss ended with a soft smack and a string of spit hanging between their mouths. He wiped it away. Shelly still had her arms around his neck, her forehead leaning against his.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

Everything went cold again. With a warble in his voice, he asked, “For what?”

Her sigh fanned out over his cheeks. “For overlooking you like all those other girls. And for not realizing I liked you sooner.”

Tension in every muscle in his body dissipated. He chuckled. “Oh, you like me _now?”_ he joked.

She nuzzled closer. “Yes. I always have.”

“But that was platonically.”

“There’s a very fine line between liking someone platonically and liking someone romantically,” she said.

“Ah. I see.” He paused. “How’d you know I liked you?” he wondered.

A small smile cracked on Shelly’s mouth. “Just a hunch. I was actually scared you’d pull away. But you kept kissing me, so I figured you felt the same.”

“I’ve felt the same for a long time,” he said.

“How long?”

“Since freshman year.”

She groaned. Her head slid down to his shoulder. He refused to let her go. Her fingers trailed down his arm in a way that made him shiver. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” she asked.

“I thought I was friend zoned,” he answered honestly.

“I did too. Guess not, huh?” She looked up at him with glittering sky blue eyes.

He twirled a strand of soft brown hair around his finger. “Mm.”

He allowed himself to get lost in the clouds of nine in her eyes before his own eyes traced down her nose to her lips. Unable to resist, he gave in and kissed her. She kissed back. It was the best feeling in the world.


	33. Took Long Enough

“So,” Shelly began, “how do we go about telling people about this?" She held up their joined hands. It was Tuesday morning and they sat in Kevin’s truck. He had one hand on the steering wheel, the other tangled with her fingers.

He smirked at her sidelong. “Who said we had to tell them? Let them figure it out themselves,” he said.

She mirrored his smirk. “You’re right.” She sighed. “I already know what Monica and Holly and Angie are gonna say.” Her eyes rolled around in her skull. “ _We told you so, Shelly_. They can be so obnoxious sometimes.”

He laughed, his stomach doing happy flips. In the morning when he’d woken up, he was sure he dreamt it all. He’d gotten in his truck and drove to Shelly’s house, expecting her to sit and greet him. Like normal, she’d opened the door and sat with a bounce, but instead of saying hi, she grabbed his face with both hands and planted a sloppy kiss on his mouth. Then he knew he wasn’t dreaming.

“Oh, give them a break. They saw more than we did,” he said.

“True.”

Silence lasted a second before she said, “But do we tell our parents? Or do you think our siblings have more of a right?” she asked. “Since they’re kinda the reason we even know each other.”

Kevin sucked his teeth. “I think we should tell Kenny and Stan at least. They can go gossip to our parents.”

She laughed. “Yeah.”

They fondled each other—leaning over and kissing corners of mouths, messing with hair, poking cheeks. Mushy stuff they couldn’t do as friends, but couldn't get enough of now. Shelly put her head on his shoulder. Since his 1978 Chevy truck was an old one, there were still benches and no center console. This gave her the opportunity to get as close as possible. He loved it.

He sucked a breath in, finally deciding to speak a haunting thought he'd had since she kissed him the first time. “What if we don't work out? I don’t want to ruin our friendship if this relationship doesn't go the way we expect it to,” he said. His voice cracked. "I don't wanna have to lose you again."

Shelly brushed her lips to his cheek. “I doubt this relationship won’t work out. We’ve lasted this long as friends. And I guess relationships are different, but I, like, _feel_ different about you. You’re not like the others,” she told him.

Fingers locked back into place. Kevin murmured, “I’m glad,” and kissed her knuckles.

They pulled into the school parking lot. Kevin parked the truck and undid his seat belt, saying, “I’m gonna use the bathroom real quick. That coffee went straight through me.”

She laughed loudly, opening her door and grabbing their backpacks. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in front of him as they entered the school. Naturally, heads turned. There were some whispers. They ignored them. Their friends already saw the way Kevin had his arms around her before he broke away to use the bathroom. The twins and Monica smirked. Shelly’s newer friends and Monica’s boyfriend raised their eyebrows.

All Monica said was, “Hmph,” with a smug smirk on her face.

Shelly crossed her arms, sitting down next to them. “Save it, all of you,” she snapped. Her cheeks flushed under their gaze.

Holly smiled widely, murmuring, “No need to get defensive.”

Soon enough, Kevin emerged from the bathroom, hands still damp from washing them. Shelly watched her friends watch him with the same self-satisfied expressions on their faces. He noticed, of course. He wasn’t stupid.

The term _saved by the bell_ really took full meaning when it sounded over the PA. Students stood and walked to class. Shelly’s friends were forced to do the same. She saw the way their shoulders slumped at the chance lost to tease her and Kevin. They might have been sad, but she was relieved, even if she would have to hear it eventually at lunch. Maybe her and Kevin could find a quiet place to be alone. But then her friends would use that against her. No matter what she would choose, there was no way to escape their know-it-all remarks.

Despite the large and overpopulated high school, Shelly always managed to score a few classes with Kevin. For that, she was grateful. Would they have stayed close if they were in separate classes? If they had none together at all? It was a possibility, but she knew deep in her bones that her and Kevin would always find a way back to each other.

Lunchtime finally rolled around. Her friends told her about their predictions and how she’d denied them in the past. Her response was an eye roll and lips twisted up in a smile. While they were getting on her nerves, she was still beyond happy to finally be with Kevin. And they were right. How had she _not_ seen it sooner?

After school, Shelly and Kevin drove back to her place to do their homework before he had to go to work at six. Their teachers didn’t assign as much homework as their freshman and sophomore teachers. For the better, maybe.

Shelly was always the first to complete her homework. It always came easily. Kevin was slower, but she leaned her cheek on his shoulder and watched him finish the last of his math problems. The last one was easy, and he dropped his pencil between the pages of the textbook, snapping it shut. He turned to her.

“May I help you?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

She kissed his lips. “Perhaps.”

Kevin’s fingers curled under her jaw, bringing her closer to him. Canoodling on the couch could’ve been a bad idea. Anyone could’ve walked in and seen them, which was more than likely to happen, but neither cared. Kevin kissed her open mouth with as much ferocity as he did passion.

Shelly smiled against his mouth. “Your kisses are the best I’ve ever tasted. Is that weird?” she asked, breathless.

Violet eyes opened to see blue ones still shut. He breathed in her air, her scent so close to him. “No. That’s a good thing, isn’t it?” He paused to peck her lips, shiny with his saliva. “If you don’t mind me asking, whose was the worst you’ve ever tasted?”

“Scott’s.” She wrinkled her nose, cracking her lids open. Blue ringed with navy filled his vision. “Tasted like poison. Yours taste like the golden sunlight of daybreak.”

Kevin chuckled. “That’s fucking specific and not a taste at all.”

She smiled through a fit of soft giggles. She was so fucking beautiful. “What I mean is that you taste like heaven,” she whispered seductively. Her lips brushed his ear. He wanted to take her mouth in his and bite down on those plush things.

He blushed proudly, absentmindedly stroking the exposed skin below the hem of her shirt. She shuddered at the feeling of his fingers grazing her skin. “Oh," he said.

Those hands slid down to her thighs. Their legs bumped. She was just about to sit in his lap when the door swung open, shattering the moment like glass. Heads snapped to attention. Just to their luck, their siblings and their friends walked into the house. They were talking amongst themselves, not noticing right away. Naturally, Kenny was first to point it out. He glanced at the pair, guffawing and grabbing the attention of his friends along with it.

“I was wondering why the air seemed different. Heavier, almost,” he joked between gasps.

Shelly rolled her eyes and put five inches between her and Kevin. Both were blushing under the eyes of their siblings. Each of the boys had their own reaction. Most struck a similarity between them and her friends: raised eyebrows and smug smiles. Little shits.

“So it finally happened,” Stan said.

“Yeah, it was probably one of the most obvious things to happen,” Kyle added. Butters nodded in agreement. “In fact, it probably took longer than anyone expected.”

“Shut up, turds,” Shelly grumbled.

Eric spoke up. “How long has it been?”

Kevin and Shelly exchanged looks. Slowly, he answered, “Two days.”

Eyebrows rose higher. “That’s not very long. And you’re already acting like this. Are you planning on telling our parents?” Stan asked.

Shelly narrowed her eyes at him. “Did you?”

His cheeks reddened. “Good point.”

Kenny’s grin grew wider, turning mischievous and Cheshire Cat-like. “If you won’t tell them, Karen and I certainly will. You two better get ready for interrogation.” He winked at the couple as Stan led his band of troublemakers to his room. Hopefully to do their homework and leave them alone.


	34. New Year’s Eve

New Year’s was only five minutes away and everybody was waiting in anticipation. Stars twinkled in the black sky. A single firework went off, exploding in red. Siblings and friends sat on blankets spread out on the grass. Two stared up at the sky—Tweek and Craig—while the others played card games. The adults were inside. Kevin and Shelly stood in the middle, on the Broflovski’s back porch with her back flush against his chest. The porchlights reflected the gold chain on her neck. It was a simple necklace, a pearl at her throat, a Christmas present. He remembered how she’d almost cried and scolded him at the same time about how it was real gold, real pearl.

 _This better not have been expensive,_ she’d said.

 _Don’t worry about it,_ he’d replied.

In her ear, he murmured, “I can’t believe this is real.”

She turned to him, eyes sparkling. “What can’t you believe?” On her shoulders was his flannel, the one she gave him for his fourteenth birthday. It still fit him, but she was wearing it, and he thought it looked better on her. The sleeves covered her palms, leaving only her fingertips exposed.

He rubbed her arm, leaning his chin on the top of her head. “This. You and me. It feels like a dream,” he said.

She shifted in his arms, gently planting a kiss on his lips. Even after almost five months, his stomach did flips. “Did that feel real?” she whispered.

Keeping his eyes on her, he smiled. “Very.” His other arm went around her body, holding her in an embrace. She nuzzled against his neck.

Her breath fogged in the air when she asked, “Are you coming home with me tonight?”

He raised an eyebrow, watching Tricia braid Karen’s hair. “Is that a proposition?”

She lightly slapped his cheek, but it was more of her fingers brushing his stubbly jaw. “Shut up, Kev. You know what I mean,” she said. “You also need to shave. I like baby face Kevin.”

He joked, “What? You don’t like my five o’clock shadow? I thought you did.”

“Ha! Well you thought wrong, bitch.”

He chuckled. “Okay, fine. For you, I will. Y’know, I’m surprised your parents still allow us to sleep in the same bed. Granted, they don’t know we had before everything. But now they know we’re together and they don’t care.”

Shelly snorted. “My dad loves you. He probably wants to encourage it.”

His hands disappeared into the front pockets of her sweatpants. The habit had been picked up the first time she put her back against him. It was spontaneous, but when he had been about to retract his hands, she held him there. “I doubt any parent would want to encourage their daughter to have sex,” he said.

“Maybe. I mean, they could. They’re pretty fucked up.”

Another firework exploded in the sky. Purple showered down. A beat later, a loud boom followed. “Look up,” he said.

Her head tipped up to the sky. The top of her head brushed the underside of his chin. Maybe it was his imagination, but he could’ve sworn he felt a zap of energy transfer between them at the point of contact. A white firework burst into the black void.

From inside the house, someone shouted, “Thirty seconds left until midnight!”

Kevin echoed the information for the kids. It was weird to call them kids because ten of them were fourteen while two were eleven and the other two were ten. But it was easier to generalize. The adults began counting down from ten. The kids joined in. Shelly twisted in his arms, pressing herself against him. She lowered his face down to hers, noses touching. He put his hands on the small of her back. Her lips mouthed from five down. At one, she pulled his lips to hers. It was easy to sink into the kiss.

Even after all of the cheers and noise makers died down, they were still kissing. The youngest kids _Ew_ ed at them. Kevin smirked, kissing her more passionately to tease the little kids. Silhouetted against the light from the house, they saw Kevin’s tongue slide into Shelly’s mouth. To them, it was gross. The fourteen-year-olds lied to the little ones that kissing someone with your tongue could get someone pregnant. The girls stared at the boys in horror. They were so much more innocent than the boys were at that age. Ignorance is bliss.

Shelly pulled away first with burning lungs and laughter. She wiped a hand over her mouth. “That’s enough for now,” she giggled.

 

The party didn’t end until it was three in the morning. It was probably the earliest a New Year’s party had ended. Usually they lasted until the sun was starting to rise. Kevin and Shelly walked back to her house hand and hand. They could’ve left sooner if they so pleased since the Broflovskis were next door, but they had nothing to do if they were to. With Stan in the middle, Shelly’s parents brought up the rear. Shelly was beyond exhausted. All she wanted to do was crash into bed. And that’s just what she did.

In her pajamas, she crawled under the covers, bringing the blanket up to her chin. The bedroom door was open. She could hear Kevin brushing his teeth in the bathroom. The lights cast a glow on the floor. After what felt like too long, Kevin came into her room, closing the door. Blue from the nightlight plugged in next to her desk lit up the room enough for her to see his face. The bed dipped under his weight as he climbed in. Laying next to her, Shelly slid her fingers across his chest. It was weird. Before, he would sleep in her room shirtless, but now that they were dating, he always wore a T-shirt to bed.

She tangled her legs with his, kissing his shoulder. An arm of his went around her waist. In the dark, she could still see the violet of his eyes, feel him breathing. His chest rose and fell under her fingertips. A piece of her hair fell over her eyes and he brushed it away. He loved her eyes too. The blueness of it made his head spin. His thumb ran down her cheek. He felt like he should say something. What, he had no idea. Basking in the silence was good enough for him.

She touched his lips, whispering, “Happy New Year’s, Kev.”

He grinned, rolling on top of her, never taking his eyes off hers. Their fingers twisted together as he held their joined hands next to her head. Tauntingly, he pecked at her lips. She curved into him every time he pulled away. Though the kisses were light and fleeting, they carried something more, making Shelly pant as he ran a hand down her side. Want overcame them, but they were both so tired. And there were other people in the house. He pressed his nose to the underside of her jaw, nipping twice before collapsing beside her.

Shelly curled up next to him once more, kissing his neck. He stroked her hair. “Night, baby.” He felt her tense against him. Then he realized that never before had he given her a pet name.

Before he could apologize and take it back, she said, “Baby, huh? I like it.”

He chuckled quietly. Instead of saying something back, he rubbed his lips over the skin under her earlobe. Somehow, he knew just what she liked. She sighed contently, shifting closer to him. Both could already tell this year was going to be a good one.


	35. One Thing Leads to Another

The first day free of junior year, Shelly and Kevin decided to spend it doing something together. They sat in his truck, driving through the mountains surrounding the town. The windows were down, a warm breeze ruffling their hair. Trees blurred past them in bright greens. Most of the snow had long since melted.

“I need to get gas,” Kevin said, pulling into Johnny’s when they returned to town. He got out of the truck. “Can you fill it up? I’m gonna talk to Johnny.”

Shelly watched him go into the garage, grimacing to herself. Hesitantly, she climbed out, rounding the car to the driver’s side, where the gas tank was. She glared at the pump in front of her. All of it was new to her. She didn’t have a car, therefore she never needed to get gas. She’d seen her parents do it a couple of times, but she was always _inside_ the car. Hating the feeling of incompetence, she flipped open the gas tank on the side of the truck. Unscrewing the lid, she stared at it.

Kevin’s voice from behind her made her jump. “What’s wrong?”

She whirled around to see an amused smirk on his face. Holding her head up high, she gestured to the open tank. Kevin’s lips split apart in a smile. He shook his head. With a sincere look, he said, “You’ve never done this before, huh?”

Crossing her arms, she shook her head, clamping her mouth shut. She was already making a fool of herself.

“Really? It’s simple. I can show you, if you want,” he offered. He tried to force down a grin. Telling from the look on her face, she wasn’t sharing his mirth.

Finally managing to find words, Shelly lightly hit his shoulder. She was wearing his flannel again, and he was more than happy to see her in it. “Shut up and just show me, asshole,” she snapped.

Kevin put his hands up in surrender. “All right.” He took the pump, holding it up. “You see this trigger? When you put it in the tank, you pull it so the gas flows.” He demonstrated. She put her head on his shoulder, watching him. “You’re dumb for not knowing this,” he said.

She stuck her tongue out at him, blushing.

He looked at her. Letting go of the pump, he chuckled, skimming his tongue over hers, connecting their lips as he got closer. Their chests bumped, forcing her to backpedal slowly. Pinning her against the truck, he moved from her mouth to bite her ear, trailing kisses down her neck. Shelly sucked in a breath. He put a few inches between them, staring at each other for a moment before he said, “You wait until it’s full, or enough to get you around before you take the pump out.” He released her and turned to the screen displaying increasing numbers. “That’s the price. You get it?” he asked.

Shelly rolled her eyes, feeling stupid but too proud to admit it. “Yeah, sure,” she grumbled.

He motioned for her to take out the pump, so she did. She put it back while he paid for the gas. So filling a car with gas was the simplest thing ever. A ten-year-old could’ve done it. She felt beyond stupid.

He kissed her, almost apologetically. His hand on her waist slipped under her shirt. She glared at him, thankful no one else was around. Old boots knocked against black Converse. His lips hovered over hers. So desperately did she want him to just kiss her. Her own hands traveled up his back to rest in his hair. There was a look in his eyes that told her so many things, more than words could express. But before they could explore further, someone wolf whistled, releasing whatever tension that was present between the two.

Kevin extracted himself from her, turning around. A middle aged man stood in front of the open garage, wiping his dirty hands on a rag just as dirty. Dark stubble lined his high cheekbones. Kevin put a hand on the small of Shelly’s back, nudging her forward. He flourished a hand to the man. “Shell, this is Nicolas. Nick, this is Shelly,” he introduced.

Nicolas nodded. “Ah. So _this_ is the famous young lady Kevin won’t shut up about,” he said. A slight smile edged onto his face.

Shelly gazed up at Kevin and his red face. She quirked an eyebrow. “You talk about me?” she asked. “I’m flattered, Kev.”

His blush spread to the tips of his ears. He scratched the back of his neck, chuckling nervously. “Heh… uh, yeah. Sometimes.”

“Sometimes? You mean all the time, boy.” Another man emerged from the garage. Something told her this one was Johnny. Kevin had told her how the owner was forced to work at one of his gas stations due to a health issue of one of his employees who had never come back. He ended up passing away due to heart failure.

Kevin facepalmed, wanting to curl up into a ball and die. Shelly’s giggles from beside him didn’t help. He felt her fingers poke his stomach. “Ha ha. Kev’s embarrassed because I know he gushes about me,” she sang. In response, he wrapped an arm around her, pressing her face into his side. It didn’t stop her laughter.

Johnny smiled. “See you next week, Kevin,” he said before walking back into the garage. Nick nodded at him, trailing after Johnny.

Kevin released Shelly. She jumped onto her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “You’re awesome.” She opened her door and went back into the truck. With a roll of his eyes, he followed.

Driving away from Johnny’s, she suggested, “Let’s go to the playground.”

“Okay.”

By the time they get there, the sky was orange and pink. Gold beams cut through the leaves of trees. The swings swayed in the soft wind. Shelly ran over to one, sitting down. Her feet dragged on the ground. Kevin sat on the swing next to her.

A moment of quiet passed between the two. Shelly was first to break it. “I’ve never been so happy before. Is that weird? Or sad?” she asked.

Blue met violet. He shook his head. “Not at all. I feel the same.”

“I don’t know what it is. I just feel like life is so much more enjoyable, if that even makes sense. And it’s not like I was depressed or something, but everyone feels sadness at some point in their life. I was happy before, but not _this_ happy. I don’t know if it’s you who changed that, but whatever the case, I’m thankful. I have so many problems and you being here with me all these years… it’s turned into, like, a constant thing I can rely on. You’re the one I can rely on.”

Kevin stared at her lovingly, not that she noticed. She kept talking and he kept listening. The McCormick kids were quiet, good listeners. The breeze toyed through her hair, tangling over her shoulder ever so slightly. The light from the sunset reflected on her skin, making her edges glow golden. He took her hand in his, sliding his fingers over hers. While his hands were rough, hers were soft and delicate. The town was quiet. Nobody went through the park or walked down the sidewalk. It was like the sun was setting just for the two of them. He pushed his feet to the right, almost knocking his swing into hers. Within reach of her, he interrupted what she was saying with a quick kiss on her lips before he swung away.

She startled at the feeling, snapping back to reality. Her eyes fell on his. With the sun casting a halo around his head, he looked otherworldly. His hair was swept to the side, maybe from the wind or from his doing. The black T-shirt he was wearing rumpled in the breeze. He swung side to side, close enough to touch, then too far to reach out to. Their eyes never left each others’. Shelly’s whole world was violet.

“Kev,” she breathed. Whatever she was going to say next died in her throat.

His thumbs ran over her knuckles. He opened his mouth, but he paused. A strange look overcame his face. His eyebrows furrowed, mouth twisted downwards. His eyes moved to the ground. Then Kevin said, “You’re my best friend.” The way he said it was like he just discovered it.

Her grip on his hand tightened. His eyes met hers. There was more meaning behind the words. Both of them knew it. Shelly knew right then what he meant. She knew he was in love. A soft smile formed on her lips. Finally, she found the words. “I love you.”

The air in Kevin’s lungs left with a whoosh. But a weight he didn’t know he carried was lifted from his shoulders. He pressed her knuckles to his lips, not knowing what to say. Her fingers cupped his cheek. He stammered. She shushed him before he could say more.

“You don’t have to say anything. Tell me when you’re ready,” she said.

 _Tell me when you’re ready_. That’s what he thought about her before they start dating. Kevin rose from the swing, stepping in front of her. She stopped swinging, choosing to stare up at him instead. He held the chains of the swing, steadying her. His lips found hers. They belonged there.


	36. Nothing Left to Say

Stan hoisted his luggage into the trunk of Eric’s mom’s van. Before he joined his friends inside, he gave his parents quick hugs. He waved at Shelly. Then he hopped into the van, sliding the door shut. Shelly waved at the car as it sped down the road. When it disappeared around a corner, she went back inside, her parents following her. She sat on the couch with her dad, ready to continue watching _Guardians of the Galaxy_. The remote was already in her hand, her thumb over the Play button, when her mom stood in front of the TV, and said, “Hang on, sweetie. Before you play it, your dad and I want to talk to you.”

A cold chill ran over Shelly’s bones. Every bad thing she’d done in her life flashed through her brain. Of the late, she hadn’t done anything worthy of being grounded for or put in jail. Still, she was worried. “What is it?” she asked slowly.

Randy stood to put a hand on his wife’s shoulder. “While your brother is in Los Angeles for the week, your mom and I thought we should use the time to travel to New York for three days.” Her parents smiled at each other like they knew something she didn’t.

She relaxed, glad they weren’t about to bust her for something. Her eyebrows pressed together. “Wait, am I coming with you?” The last time her parents went to New York, her and Stan had to stay over with the Feegans.

Sharon laughed. “Oh, no. Just your dad and me. We just want you to watch the house while we’re gone,” she clarified.

Of course she wasn’t going with them. Her parents never took her and Stan anywhere. “So I have the house to myself for three days?” She paused. “When are you leaving and when will you come back?” It wasn’t like she was planning on throwing a party like all the other kids her age did. She was just curious, and it was good to know.

“Our flight is tomorrow at 6 p.m. We come back Friday morning so we can pick up Stan from the airport later in the day,” Randy said.

Shelly tapped her lip, deep in thought. “Can I invite friends over?”

“Sure. Just no parties, alcohol, or drugs,” Sharon answered.

She wasn’t interested in doing any of those things anyway. A grin split across Shelly’s face. “Cool.”

Randy put an arm around Sharon. “Your mom and I need some time away from you kids. With Stan in LA and you old enough to be home alone, it’s perfect. No offense, though. We still love you and your brother, but you two can be a handful,” he said.

Rolling her eyes, Shelly grumbled, “Thanks, Dad.”

“We also need you to take us to the airport, then pick us up Friday at nine,” Sharon added. “Don’t be late and you can take my car.”

“Got it. Now can I watch my movie?” She gestured to the TV they were still in front of.

“Oh, of course.” Her parents stepped out of the way and went upstairs to pack or do something unholy. She hoped it was the former because she didn’t need to hear anything that would make her look at her parent different. They could save that shit for their trip for all she cared.

Fumbling with her phone, she called Kevin before playing the movie.

“Hey, baby,” he said. She knew he was getting ready to go to work.

“Hey, Kev. Guess what?” she asked.

“What?”

“So you know how our siblings are in LA courtesy of the Tweaks?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, my parents decided to go to New York for three days. They leave tomorrow and come back Friday morning,” she said.

“Let me guess, they aren’t taking you with them and are having you watch the house, and you want me to stay over because you hate being home alone for more than two hours?”

“That’s exactly it!”

He chuckled. “Okay. I’ll be there tomorrow after I get off work. See you, baby.”

“Bye.”

 

The next morning at five thirty, Shelly helped her parents take their stuff to the car. Situated, she drove them to the airport. Already, they were disgustingly cuddling in the backseat like hormonal teenagers. She did her best to ignore them, turning up the radio to cover their coos. She already had to drive them then watch the house. She didn’t want to have to endure their lovey-doveyness.

At the airport, she unloaded their stuff, eager to get away before something that would scar her for life happened. As she took down their bags, Sharon reminded her, “Our flight should be here by nine, but get here at least thirty minutes earlier. And I don’t want to come back hearing you threw the party of the year. Leave that to some other kid. No more than two of your friends can stay over. Lock all the doors and close the blinds at night, okay?”

Shelly nodded. “Yeah, I know. You told me in the car.”

Sharon kissed her daughter’s head. “Bye, sweetie.” She took her luggage and started for the doors of the airport.

Randy also kissed her head. “Have fun, Shelly. But not too much fun.” He winked before walking in with her mom. Shelly stood by the car, watching their figures get washed away with the crowd of people in the airport. Positive they were gone, she bolted into the car and drove back home.

 

Shelly didn’t have to wait long for Kevin to come over. It was often when he would go straight to her house from work. She’d only watched forty minutes of her movie when there was a knock at the door. Getting to her feet, she undid the locks and swung it open. Kevin stood there with his hands in his pockets. Shelly reached a hand out to bring him inside.

“You’re watching this movie _again_?” he asked as he sat next to her.

“Yes. So what?”

He laid a hand on her thigh, saying, “So you’ve watched it so many times that you probably know all the lines.”

She smirked, observing him sidelong. “I know some.”

Shaking his head, laughing, Kevin said, “Of course you do.” His warm hand on her thigh shifted higher up. She could feel each individual finger on her skin.

The movie ended not long after. For ten minutes, they sat on the couch doing nothing but talking. It was idle conversation before it led to senior year. Both of them knew the other needed scholarships. If they would get any, they had no idea. The words died out.

Shelly’s hand found his, curling around his fingers. She lifted her head from his shoulder to look him in the eye. “You don’t have to worry about anything when I say this, but… if you had the chance, would you run away with me?” she asked, voice low and soft.

The answer needed no thought at all. “Yes.”

The word held so much weight. It settled on their shoulders and was tucked away into hearts. It was a promise, they both knew. When everything was over and their ties could be cut from the town, they would most certainly run. How far and to where was a mystery. But they would run. Together.

Kevin lightly touched his lips to hers. Bizarre how at the same time he was used to the feeling and how it was still so new. Both of their eyes were still open. He stared into blue. She stared into violet. The kiss was short, broken slowly. Shelly leaned her forehead against his. Her hands ran down his arms, feeling the soft material of his new flannel under her fingertips. This one was blue and black. On the back in white text, “You are not alone” was spelled out. The words were a reminder of how their friendship started. He still wore it even if it was humid outside with gathering gray clouds. He always left his flannel unbuttoned, showing off whatever shirt he was wearing that day. Currently, he was wearing the pinup girl shirt she bought him almost two birthdays ago. She could tell from the logo on the chest. It was the second time she’d bought him a flannel. She’d decided to keep going with the theme since he loved them so much.

Watching her feel him up was amusing. She had this faraway expression on her face. He put a finger under her chin, making her look up at him. He smiled, kissing the bridge of her nose. He saw the way her eyes looked past him. Turning, he saw rain falling from the sky. Shelly stood, her hand still in his. She led him to the window. It wasn’t pouring rain, more of light showers. People who had been walking down the street ran with their arms over their heads.

Shelly glanced at him. She grinned and pulled him outside. Drops of water fell in their hair and on their faces. Kevin could already feel his shirt begin to soak through. “Why did you take me out here?” he asked.

She threw her arms around him, planting a kiss on his face. “For the cliche, of course,” she replied.

He shrugged. “Well, okay. What do we do now?”

“You left your phone inside, right?”

“Yes. Even if I had it with me, I’d run back inside to not get it wet.” He touched his nose to hers. “It’s the only one I have after all.”

He watched droplets drip off her nose and roll down her lips. Her wet hair sat on her shoulders, her bangs plastered to her forehead. He was probably in a similar state. He bent forward, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. Pulling away briefly, he swallowed his futile fear and gently whispered, “I love you, Shelly.”

She smiled at him, not saying anything. In the place of speech, she followed up his words with a passionate kiss that sent him stumbling back a bit. The light rain pattered against his heated skin. Her lips were slippery when she moved her head for a better angle. She sighed through her nose, and he could feel her smile. Unable to help himself, he tightened his arms around her, holding her as close as he could. Her arms were still around his shoulders. She was on her tiptoes to reach him.

Both pulled away hesitantly. Shelly lowered herself back to her feet. He wrapped his arms around her, putting his chin on the top of her head. Compared to him, she was so short. Her head only reached the base of his neck. The strange thing was that she wasn’t considered short. She was average, but to him she was tiny. Everyone was tiny to him.

Back indoors, Shelly handed a towel to him, which he immediately began using to dry off. “I’m going to take a shower. You should too afterwards,” she said. She went upstairs and locked herself in the bathroom.

Stepping underneath the warm water, she sighed. Of course, she knew Kevin loved her. He probably had for a long time. But hearing him say the words aloud was something different. It had filled her with so much joy and hope. The three words stomped out her fears and insecurities. It made her breath catch in her throat and made tears spring to her eyes. But the rain disguised her tears. She’d known Kevin McCormick could make her happier than anyone else could, but that seemed to develop a new meaning ever since they kissed for the first time.

After she was cleaned of rainwater, Shelly hooked her phone up to her Bluetooth speaker and played songs. It was ten at night, but she was still wide awake. She jumped up and down in a circle, pumping her fists in the air. She wasn’t good at dancing; she was pretty awkward at it. Finishing changing into his pajamas, Kevin heard the music through the closed door of the bathroom. He pushed it open a crack, peeking at Shelly dancing around her room across the way. She spun in a circle, seemingly punching the air.

Stifling his laughter, Kevin took his phone from the sink where it was sitting. He snapped a picture of her, smiling at it. He walked over, standing in her doorway, continuing to watch up close. It didn’t last long. Shelly was mid-spin see him standing there. She froze, blushing. Her mouth twisted in a half grimace, half sheepish smile. One of her eyebrows rose as they were creased together. It was a cross between an embarrassed expression and a cringe. He grinned at her. She awaited his teasing, but instead, he extended his hand. “Can I join in?” he asked.

Slowly, she stepped over to him, taking his hand. He spun her around just like he did at Stark’s Pond that one night. Relaxing, she laughed, moving with him. The song ended and a new one started. Shelly loved pop music, so they could dance to all of the songs if they so pleased. She spun into him after three songs, ending their dancing. With her back flush against his chest, he trailed kisses down her neck, keeping his arms around her. She giggled at the feeling. Attempting to escape, she only took them both tripping over each other. They fell onto her bed, his mouth on hers. It didn’t make him stop.

“I like that thing you do with your tongue,” she breathed.

“You mean this thing?” Kevin flicked his tongue, licking the roof of her mouth and the back of her teeth.

Shelly moaned, squeezing his shoulders. “Mhm,” she whimpered, completely melting into him.

He smirked, and nipped at the skin behind her ear. He kept on kissing her as their breathing got heavier. The air turned from playful to amorous. Shelly’s hands disappeared up his shirt, resting her fingers above the waistband of his pants. His mouth left hers when he shifted them further up the bed. Both felt fires burning bright in the pits of their stomachs.

In the backs of their minds, they knew what was happening and what was going to happen. Shelly’s hands traveled further up his shirt. The fabric brushed her stomach as he dipped his head to kiss her. She couldn’t take it anymore. “Goddammit, just take it off,” she demanded.

His shirt went over his head, dropping to the floor. Instead of continuing like she wanted, he said, “Wait, are you sure you want to—”

Rolling her eyes at the formalities, she shot up and answered him by kissing him more. Under her fingertips, she could feel his hot skin, almost blazing. The kisses that followed her sloppy. In the midst of it all, she lost her shirt and he lost his pants. He was reaching for her shorts when her hand interfered. The kiss was broken in shock.

“I—I’m sorry. Did I—” Kevin started, but she cut him off.

“It’s nothing you did. It’s just…” She crossed her arms over her bare chest as insecurity seized her. She looked away from him, choosing stare out the window. It was still lightly raining, drops of water rolling down the glass pane. The sky was dark, littered with stars. “I’m not confident in myself. At all. I hate a lot of things about myself and—and I don’t want you to see something you won’t like that’ll make you disgusted or—”

His hands gently pried her arms off her. She looked up at him to see a reassuring smile on his mouth. He whispered, “Shelly, nothing, _nothing_ about you could make me disgusted. I know you have your insecurities, but”—he gently ran his fingers up and down her back—“you have to trust me when I say I’ll still be in love with you no matter what flaws you have. Nobody’s perfect. I’ll think you’re beautiful forever and always.”

She was taken aback. No one had called her beautiful before. It was always pretty or attractive. She got over the burst of surprise in a heartbeat. Skeptical, she said doubtfully, “Even if I have stretch marks?”

“Yes. Even still. I promise you, Shelly.”

She breathed out, sinking into his arms. “Okay. I believe you.” Aside from the music still playing, there was a beat of silence between them. “The window’s open,” she pointed out.

She felt Kevin’s head turn. “Oh yeah.” More silence. “Do you have any, um—”

“In the bathroom under the sink.”

“Yep.” He untangled himself from her to go into the bathroom. She stood from the bed to pull closed the curtains. She remembered the drone fiasco back when she was thirteen. Even if it had long since blown over, she didn’t want to take chances.

Kevin returned, crawling over her as she laid back down. When he hooked his fingers over the waistband of her shorts and underwear, she inhaled sharply. He stopped, but she nodded, letting him continue. Even though it was warm in the house, cold air still swept over her. She squeezed her eyes shut so she wouldn’t have to see his reaction. A kiss was planted on her lips. She opened her eyes to see Kevin smiling down at her.

“See? Everything’s fine,” he said. His hands traced the jagged stretch marks on her hips. “I think they’re beautiful, just like you.” Her laugh was cut off by her own moan when he felt the marks on her inner thighs. His lips appearing on her neck made her nails dig into the blankets under her. He continued, “Is… is there a specific way you wanna do this?”

“Fuck, no. Surprise me,” she said.

He smirked, running his hands over her skin. Leaning in close, his lips brushed her ear when he whispered, “Are you sure?”

She nodded. Breathily, she said, “Positive.”


	37. In the Middle of the Night

At 2 a.m., Kevin and Shelly were still awake. He’d put on his boxers, she’d put on her underwear and his flannel to cover her top half. Conversation was pointless, so they laid in silence. Kevin was on his back with Shelly curled up next to him. Mindlessly, she ran her hands over his stomach, up to his chest. They were both exhausted, but they couldn’t fall asleep. Shelly’s yawn was interrupted by a growl from her stomach even Kevin heard. They traded looks.

“I’m hungry,” she said.

“No shit.”

His phone started ringing, the sound of an acoustic guitar floating to their ears. He couldn’t remember where he put it; things got a bit crazy. He blindly lifted the covers and under the pillows. Half of them were on the floor.

“It’s on the bedside table, dumbass,” Shelly yawned.

Kevin answered it before it was too late. Kenny’s voice came from the other end, all the way in Venice Beach. “Kev, guess what?” he asked.

“Hi to you too, Kenny. What?” he replied.

His brother’s voice was full of excitement and energy. “Tweek’s house here is fucking awesome. He has a fucking piano in the living room! Not even a keyboard like back home! A piano! We just had a pillow fight. I dunno who won, but it was cool. Oh, and I checked in with Karen at ten. She was going to sleep when I called. She’s doing fine,” Kenny said.

Kevin snorted, glad his brother was having fun. Since they were so poor, they didn’t have much money to travel anywhere further than Denver. Shelly’s hand slid under his neck as she pulled herself onto his shoulder. “That’s cool, Ken. If you’re having so fun, why’d you call me?” he wondered.

“I’m taking a shit.”

Shelly snickered as Kevin rolled his eyes. “Wow, thanks for the information. What’d you have for dinner?”

“Barbeque. That was also pretty good.”

Chuckling, he said, “Sounds great.” He caressed Shelly’s arm.

“What’d _you_ eat for dinner?” Kenny asked. There was something in his voice, but Kevin couldn’t place it.

Shelly drew circles on his chest. Kevin replied, “I haven’t eaten yet.”

There was quiet. But when Kenny spoke, Kevin could hear the grin in his voice. “You sure? Because it sounds like you just had sex, if I'm interpreting the rasp in your voice correctly. Hi, Shelly. How was riding my brother’s face?” he teased.

Shelly’s jaw dropped. Kevin was caught between a laugh and a sound of offense.

On the other end, there was the sound of the flush of a toilet and the running of water. Kenny continued, “So was it just oral or was it intercourse too?”

“You should get back to your friends,” Kevin said, desperate to change the topic.

Kenny didn’t stop, enjoying it too much. Even with him on the west coast, Kevin could tell. “Judging by the sound of your voice, sounds like it was both. Damn, Kev, you’re a beast. Or maybe Shelly did all the work. Was it slow, romantic sex? Or rough, dirty sex?”

“Aren’t you shitting right now?” Kevin snapped, feeling the heat in his face rise.

“No. Now I’m sitting on the bathroom floor. But I knew this would happen. It’s obvious. There’s so much _tension_ between you two. It’s a wonder it didn’t happen sooner.”

Faintly in the background, there was a shout: “Kenny! Get out here!”

Kenny shouted back, “Hang on!” The sound made Kevin’s eardrums ring. In a more appropriate tone, Kenny said to the phone, “Gotta go. Talk to you later. And I advise you to keep fucking until we get back. Make the most of it!” The line went dead.

“Your brother’s a little perv,” Shelly observed.

“Don’t I know it.”

They got up and went downstairs. All the lights were still on, but the blinds were closed. Shelly raided the fridge for something to eat. Coming up empty-handed, she searched the freezer. “We have a frozen pizza I can put in the oven,” she offered.

Kevin pulled up a chair and sat down. “Sure. I still think it’s funny how you ask what I want to eat like I care. Baby, I’m so poor I’ll eat anything, even if it’s past its expiration date,” he said.

Shelly turned to playfully roll her eyes at him. Unboxing the pizza, she stuck it in the oven. She dusted off her hands and sat in his lap. “I love you,” she said.

Chuckling, Kevin replied, “You told me that already.”

She snorted. “You say it like I was the only one. You were all like, ‘Oh God, Shelly, I love you so much. I love you, baby, I love you—’”

He slapped a hand over her mouth, feeling his face heat up. “Yup. I get it,” he muttered.

She laughed, pressing her nose against the underside of his jaw. His hands ran over her legs and her torso, his chin on her shoulder. The house was quiet, but they could feel the weight of their words hanging in the air.


	38. Sunlight, Sunshine

The next morning, Shelly woke up tangled in Kevin’s warm arms. She turned over to see he was still sleeping, his hair falling over his eyes. Smiling to herself, she kissed his forehead. His kiss was lazy and half-asleep when his lips brushed hers. Biting her lip to hold back a giggle, she snaked her arms around his neck. Her fingers ran through his hair as she admired his face. It was the same face she’d known since she was thirteen, but it was so different at the same time. When they were younger, his face was softer. But now his features were sharper and more defined. Her finger traced his jawline, trailing down his chin.

His eyes finally opened, a deep sigh escaping through his nose. It turned into a groan as he stretched his limbs like a cat. His head settled on her chest when he said, “You’re still wearing my flannel.”

“Oh yeah.”

“Looks good on you.”

The huff of breath left her mouth in a sleepy giggle. “Glad you think so. I plan on stealing back a few.” She nuzzled into the collar of the shirt. “They smell like you,” she mumbled.

He laughed a bit, a hand settling on her waist. “Let’s go downstairs,” he said.

Downstairs, Shelly hoisted herself onto the kitchen counter saying, “What should we do today? My parents are still gone and so is Stan.”

Kevin busied himself with the toaster. “I have to pick up Karen from her friend’s house at one. You can come with me, and then we’ll do whatever. Until I have to go to work.” He walked over to her, slotting himself between her legs. His arms rested at her sides. “Maybe you can babysit Karen while I’m gone?” His fingers caressed her skin.

She knew he was doing it so she could say yes. It was working. “Fine. Free of charge, but you owe me later,” she breathed.

He smirked knowingly, kissing her cheek. “Deal.”

They had burnt toast with scrambled eggs and waffles for breakfast. Kevin drowned his in syrup and whipped cream. Shelly kept her syrup to the side and she tore her waffles into strips and dipped them. They didn’t say much, not until they washed the dishes together.

“Wanna watch a movie?” Shelly asked. She flicked water at Kevin.

He retaliated, grinning. “Sure.”

“Then we’ll pick up Karen, and you’ll go to work.”

“Yup.”

“And you owe me.”

He glanced at her from the corner of his eye. “Anything you want me to do, I’ll do it,” he swore.

She poked his nose. “You better keep that promise.” He smiled and kissed her hand.

 

Karen was picked up at one, as promised. Kevin walked her back to Shelly’s, explaining, “So for the time I’m gone, Shelly’s gonna babysit you, okay? I get off at eight, so I’ll see you then.”

Karen said, “I remember when Eric was babysat by Shelly and he said she was scary. But Shelly’s different now, right? And I like her. Not as much as you, obviously, but I still think she’s cool.”

Kevin smiled at her. “You should tell her that.”

“I will. Do you think if I ask she’ll do my makeup? I like the way she does it when she wears makeup. Ruby’s always talking about wanting her to do her makeup like Shelly’s.” Her voice dropped to a whisper, even though they were the only two walking down the street. “I think Shelly’s prettier without makeup. With makeup, she’s pretty too, but she’s more beautiful without it.”

Pulling his little sister in for a hug, he kissed the top of her head. “I’m glad you think so.”

The front door to Shelly’s house was unlocked. Normally, she kept it locked when she was home alone, but since Kevin was only going a short distance for a short time, there was no point in locking it. Shelly was sprawled out on the couch, eyes on her phone. Hearing the door open, she sat up. Karen and Kevin stood there. Karen was taking off her shoes and jacket with her brother helping her.

“Hi, Karen,” Shelly said.

“Hi, Shelly.”

Kevin stayed in the doorway. To Karen, he said, “When I get back from work we can go out and get pizza before I drive you to Firkle’s.” He paused. “Y’know, I’m surprised that little goth even lets you stay over. You’d think it’d be too conformist or something.”

“He says I’m an exception,” Karen answered.

Shelly and Kevin traded looks. It flew over Karen’s head. To Shelly, he said, “See you later, baby. Thanks for watching Karen.” He stepped closer to the couch as she crawled up to the arm. They met in the middle to share a kiss.

“Bye,” she said.

He left with a wave. As soon as the door closed, Karen turned to Shelly from her spot next to her. “Are you and Kevin gonna get married?” she asked.

Shelly blushed, choosing to stare at the black TV screen over the eleven-year-old. “It’s… too early to tell,” she said. Changing the subject, she added, “Wanna watch something on Netflix?” She handed Karen the remote after she turned on the TV.

Karen searched in quiet. Shelly actually believed she’d forgotten about her question when she said, “Because I think Kevin wants to marry you. He loves you a lot.”

Shelly bit her lip, still blushing. “Did… Kev tell you that?” she wondered.

“No. But everyone can tell. Kenny was the one to tell me Kev wanted to marry you. I asked the same question, and Kenny gave me the same answer I gave you. Ken hopes you and Kev get married so him and Stan can be brother-in-laws. They’ve been planning it since you got together,” she explained. “Actually, they’ve been planning it since you became friends.”

Shelly couldn’t help but laugh. Of course her brother would plan for something like that. “Then maybe I will marry Kevin.” She didn’t realize her words until they settled over her. She froze. Her eyes widened.

Karen watched her. “You mean that, don’t you?” she asked, voice soft.

Shelly slumped into the couch, holding her chin with her hand. “I guess so,” she mumbled.

Karen put her head on Shelly’s shoulder. “Good. Because I’d like to be your sister-in-law. I’ve always wanted a sister.”

Karen McCormick was a sweet girl. Shelly smiled softly, placing her hand on the girl’s forehead. “Me too,” she admitted.


End file.
